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For those who read my post the other day about my mentally ill nephew

Posted by on Dec. 19, 2012 at 11:01 AM
  • 11 Replies

 My mother just called me and my nephew last night had the worst violent outbreak he's EVER had. He was choking his sister, they all had to lock themselves in a bedroom to call 911 while he destroyed the house, screamed obscenities and tried to break the door down to get to them. He then ran out of the house as he heard the police and ambulance coming and my brother chased him down and pinned him to the ground until the authorities could handcuff him and take him away.

 This child is only 13 and this is the 4th time he's been taken to a mental ward and they tell my mother on the phone this morning: 'we're not looking at residential care right now'. WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This kid is extremely violent, she's scared that he's going to kill them and other people but because Government medical assistance right now, they keep shoving him back out into society when he clearly doesn't belong there. It's going to take him actually killing someone to get the help he needs.

 My mother is done. She says her only option now is to just give him up into state custody and be done with it. If they let him out again and he hurts people, it's on their heads, not hers because she's done everything she can.

 It just pisses me off that this little boy needs help and he's been fucked over time and again and is falling through the cracks and you mark my words- if he's let out and not kept in an institution, you will be hearing about him on the news one day. That's so damn horrible to even say about my  own nephew but it's true. There are many more children out there just like him and many parents in the same situation as my mother is and something HAS to be done about this...

by on Dec. 19, 2012 at 11:01 AM
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Replies (1-10):
NWP
by guerrilla girl on Dec. 19, 2012 at 11:07 AM

I believe that there will be some efforts to help boys like this now, hopefully as some addition to health care reform....hopefully this will come in time to help your nephew.


IhartU
by Gold Member on Dec. 19, 2012 at 11:11 AM

 

Quoting NWP:

I believe that there will be some efforts to help boys like this now, hopefully as some addition to health care reform....hopefully this will come in time to help your nephew.


 I hope so.  I don't know whether people are unaware of how many cases like this exist or if they just ignore it and pray it goes away.

katy_kay08
by on Dec. 19, 2012 at 11:14 AM

It may the hardest thing your mother has had to do but she may have to flat out refuse to take him back in.  I'm sorry your family is facing such a difficult time.  I can relate to what is happening, but I won't go into the details of how or why.  Just know my heart goes out to you and your family right now, and I understand the internal struggle and conflict one feels when a child is unreachable.  

NWP
by guerrilla girl on Dec. 19, 2012 at 11:14 AM

I grew up with an older cousin who had similar problems. He burned down buildings too. His dad was a police officer and they kept him in Juvi and state care a lot of the time, wouldn't let him sleep in the house when he was home. They kept a portable building in the back yard as his room. Last I heard he was in prison. He would be in his 50's now but I haven't talked to that side of the family in a few decades and dont know what happened to him. We were all afraid of him.

Quoting IhartU:

 

Quoting NWP:

I believe that there will be some efforts to help boys like this now, hopefully as some addition to health care reform....hopefully this will come in time to help your nephew.


 I hope so.  I don't know whether people are unaware of how many cases like this exist or if they just ignore it and pray it goes away.


Naughty Wittle Puppy

IhartU
by Gold Member on Dec. 19, 2012 at 11:21 AM

 

Quoting katy_kay08:

It may the hardest thing your mother has had to do but she may have to flat out refuse to take him back in.  I'm sorry your family is facing such a difficult time.  I can relate to what is happening, but I won't go into the details of how or why.  Just know my heart goes out to you and your family right now, and I understand the internal struggle and conflict one feels when a child is unreachable.  

 My mother is struggling with guilt because before my sister died, she promised her she'd take care of the kids and she feels that by giving him up to the State, she is not following through or something. I've tried to tell her, she's done the best that she could and that my sister would understand- I mean she wouldn't want her daughter's to suffer, be scared and maybe even hurt; she'd want her son to get the help he needs.

IhartU
by Gold Member on Dec. 19, 2012 at 11:22 AM

 

Quoting NWP:

I grew up with an older cousin who had similar problems. He burned down buildings too. His dad was a police officer and they kept him in Juvi and state care a lot of the time, wouldn't let him sleep in the house when he was home. They kept a portable building in the back yard as his room. Last I heard he was in prison. He would be in his 50's now but I haven't talked to that side of the family in a few decades and dont know what happened to him. We were all afraid of him.

Quoting IhartU:

 

Quoting NWP:

I believe that there will be some efforts to help boys like this now, hopefully as some addition to health care reform....hopefully this will come in time to help your nephew.


 I hope so.  I don't know whether people are unaware of how many cases like this exist or if they just ignore it and pray it goes away.


 That's exactly where my nephew will end up- in jail or perhaps even dead. It's so sad and frustrating!

PinkButterfly66
by Silver Member on Dec. 19, 2012 at 11:23 AM

I hope so too.  It is heartbreaking that these seriously ill children do not get the help that they need and their families live in fear for their lives.

Quoting NWP:

I believe that there will be some efforts to help boys like this now, hopefully as some addition to health care reform....hopefully this will come in time to help your nephew.



katy_kay08
by on Dec. 19, 2012 at 11:23 AM
1 mom liked this


Quoting IhartU:

 

Quoting katy_kay08:

It may the hardest thing your mother has had to do but she may have to flat out refuse to take him back in.  I'm sorry your family is facing such a difficult time.  I can relate to what is happening, but I won't go into the details of how or why.  Just know my heart goes out to you and your family right now, and I understand the internal struggle and conflict one feels when a child is unreachable.  

 My mother is struggling with guilt because before my sister died, she promised her she'd take care of the kids and she feels that by giving him up to the State, she is not following through or something. I've tried to tell her, she's done the best that she could and that my sister would understand- I mean she wouldn't want her daughter's to suffer, be scared and maybe even hurt; she'd want her son to get the help he needs.

I can understand your mother's guilt.  Just remind her that the promise extends to your sister's other children and also understand that the guilt is a natural feeling in this situation.   Tough love is called tough love not just because it's hard on the recipient.  

Mommy2BeAmy
by Silver Member on Dec. 19, 2012 at 11:24 AM
1 mom liked this

I'm so sorry you're in this situation. Prayers for you

AdrianneHill
by Platinum Member on Dec. 19, 2012 at 4:00 PM
1 mom liked this
I'm sorry but hopefully with the media's eye so focused on child mental health, some states may start dealing with those issues before they become tragedies. I hope they get the help they need even though it will take time for laws to change.
Your mother can legally refuse to take him back and they cant release him if no one is willing to take responsibility for him. The hospital will whine and bully her trying to make her accept his care but she doesn't have to. Even when he's an adult the hospitals will try to bully and cajole families into taking in patients they can't care for but the hospital isn't making money on. A friend of mine has a sister who has the emotional capabilities of a twelve year old with all of the mood swings and impulsivity that goes with it. She was twenty eight when got into a motorcycle wreck and sustained a severe closed head injury. Other than being unable to keep a job for accident related injuries , she swings in and out of depression and needs a constant caregiver of some sort or she'll spiral. She tried to commit suicide (really tried, not cries for help) three times in thirty days, this past Easter was the first one. The last time the hospital called less than forty eight hours after admittance for her family to come pick her up, with admonitions not to leave her alone or let her leave and to force her to take her meds. Just like every time before before. She might only think like a twelve year old but she has the body and legal rights of a forty year old woman which include the freedom to fling her meds out of the window and then follow them out that window to go hang out with her junkies/hoodlum friends who happily take her meds for her. This last time, her mom didn't pick her up and the hospital harassed the family for weeks as well as informing the patient no one at home loved her enough to come get her out. They finally got her into long term care and she is doing rather well because of a host of reasons but the main one being she will not do anything her mother wants her to as she is stuck in perpetual puberty. This is no one's fault but the reality still has to be dealt with.

The problem can seem so huge that it is easier to assign blame than try to think up a reasonable and responsible next step. Blame and responsibility are different things. It would be easier to get people to help be responsible for everyone by agreeing that our present system increases the likelihood of machine guns winding up in the hands of the mentally dangerous to almost a surety. Instead of throwing up your hands and insisting the only solution is more guns or arming individual teachers of all grades, look at the other only element besides mental disease that is required for these rampages to have a high death toll: the freaking gun. Oh dear... I'm sorry. I just went on a little rant there. Ill wipe the flecks of foam away ahem

Anyway, your mother can stand firm and will likely force them into helping him. It can happen.
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