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"It's the thought that counts": A most UN-Grateful Post

Posted by on Dec. 26, 2012 at 9:01 PM
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1 mom liked this

 I have taught my children the old adage "It's the thought that counts" when it comes to gracious gift receiving. HOWEVER- at a certain point in time, even "I" know how little thought goes into a gift given. My mil for the past 10 years is a horrible gift-giver. It's not about quantity. It's a quality thing. No thought goes into her gifts to her 3 grandchildren (her son's children- my dh and mine). For her other grand-daughter thats another story.

For 10 yars, my children get a check or cash  between $25-$50. They usually get stickers to go along with this. Mind you, they are now 17 and 15. This year, ds got a mp3 player (he has an ipod and mil knows this); dd got notecards. My 10yo got a few boxes of ornanments. He's 10 years old. 

I know, I sound most un-grateful. It seems to me, my mil does not take the time to know her grandchildren. She does not take the time to ask them what they like. She does not ask even her son what the kids would like. The stickers and notecards , they sit in a drwaer and eventually make their way to the garbage. The mp3 player will be passed along to the next toy drive or garage sale. I find it is a waste of my mil money to spend on such stuff the kids will never use. If only she took the time. I think that is what hurts my chidlren. That she does not know them. My children recognize that their grandmother fails to take the time. They feel they are not loved because she does not take the time to know who they are and what interests them or who they are as people.

It's not always the thought that counts. Sometimes it 's not even a thought worth counting.

by on Dec. 26, 2012 at 9:01 PM
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Replies (1-10):
SRUsarahSC
by Bronze Member on Dec. 26, 2012 at 9:03 PM

I can't imagine not taking the time to get to know your own family. Sad.

NWP
by guerrilla girl on Dec. 26, 2012 at 9:12 PM
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She will suffer her own consequences. I am sure that in a few years, when your children are young adults, you will be getting an earful of whining about how the grand kids never bother to visit or call her.

You reap what you sew.

my123sons
by Member on Dec. 26, 2012 at 9:18 PM
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I love my mil. She gives me money and tells me to buy everything for the boys from her. I then take it to her house and she wraps everything. She loves my boys and knows them, but honestly a 65 yo woman has a hard time imagining what young boys want for gifts. This arrangement works out great for us. This way, I know that they get things they would use and that I approve of and mil knows that her money isn't being wasted.

Ziva65
by Gold Member on Dec. 26, 2012 at 9:34 PM
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Haha. I totally understand. My MIL puts no thought into it either, and it often comes form the dollar store. They have money, that isn't the issue. She has 11 grandchildren, and puts these little bags together- same for the 2 yr old and 16yr old. Around grandma, the kids are very kind and gracious. Other than that- it ends up at Goodwill or the recycling bin.

I guess I can say, it has taught them how to be kind and gracious "despite" the thought that it lacked. it's also taught them how to really be thoughtful when they give gifts. They are very thoughtful though in selecting something for grandma- they try really hard to pick something really nice for her. We've dealt with that for about 15 years, nothing has changed. The thing is, kids learn a lot about people that way- they learn from us- how we react, and they learn about people like grandma :)

With the grandma, it's all about her- it's not just the attitude that comes at Christmas. I think kids see more and more of that as they age- a good lesson in humanity I suppose. how to deal with all sorts of personalities.

As said above, people reap what they sow. Grandma is now reaping the lack of a relationship with her grandkids because she demonstrated that she never cared about them.  It's the total opposite on my side, they adore my parents, who adore them- it shows both ways.

futureshock
by Ruby Member on Dec. 26, 2012 at 9:39 PM
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This is hysterical:

My 10yo got a few boxes of ornanments. He's 10 years old.

FromAtoZ
by AllieCat on Dec. 26, 2012 at 10:12 PM
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The more I read about people and their issues with asshat in laws, the more thankful I am that I no longer have to deal with my former in laws.  Not in the manner in which I did for 13 years.

I'm sorry.  I agree that it does seem this woman makes no effort to get to know her grandchildren.  Surly she will regret her decision one day.

Ms.KitKat
by Platinum Member on Dec. 27, 2012 at 9:35 AM

 She already complains about it. But she blames me. It's my fault her grandchildren do not have a positive relationship with her. I knew this day would come. I didn;t know just how painful it would be. For my kids when the truth dawned on them. And for my mil when she finally recognizes she has no relationship- but then again- she just thinks it's my fault anyway. But- it is sad.

Quoting NWP:

She will suffer her own consequences. I am sure that in a few years, when your children are young adults, you will be getting an earful of whining about how the grand kids never bother to visit or call her.

You reap what you sew.

 

eema.gray
by on Dec. 27, 2012 at 9:39 AM
1 mom liked this

My grandmother was notorious for giving us a pile of clothes each that were the wrong size, bad color choice (I can live with that part), and cheap.  She would go down to the tourist shops and buy the 5 shirts for $10 specials, that had little appliques covering up holes in the shirts.  :-P

romalove
by Roma on Dec. 27, 2012 at 9:42 AM
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My in laws give everyone cash.  My son brought a girlfriend to Christmas this year, and even she got a card with money in it lol.

If they were buying gifts that didn't match the recipients, though, I would say before the next holiday "It would be great if we shopped together for the kid's gifts" or, if it's about them not knowing the kids, suggest very soon that you do something together as a family, like out to dinner, a shopping trip as a family, etc.  Tell your MIL that you'd love her to spend more time with the kids so she can get to know them better, how much the kids would love to spend time with her.

If that doesn't work, coal in her stocking may do wonders.....lol

Ms.KitKat
by Platinum Member on Dec. 27, 2012 at 9:43 AM

 That is the thing. I try very hard to react well but this year, when my teens come to me and say how Grandma "doesn't even care" and it is painfully obvious that she really doesn't care- I can not keep saying- she loves you. All I can say is" She tries her best." But honestly- I know that is not even true. She doesn't even try. and that is painfully obvious too. Little kids, I can distract them; even my 10yo.  He does not see it. My teens are brutally honest. They call it like they see it. This is niot just at Christmas time.  It is a year round thing. It just is more high-lighted during this time of year.

 

Quoting Ziva65:

Haha. I totally understand. My MIL puts no thought into it either, and it often comes form the dollar store. They have money, that isn't the issue. She has 11 grandchildren, and puts these little bags together- same for the 2 yr old and 16yr old. Around grandma, the kids are very kind and gracious. Other than that- it ends up at Goodwill or the recycling bin.

I guess I can say, it has taught them how to be kind and gracious "despite" the thought that it lacked. it's also taught them how to really be thoughtful when they give gifts. They are very thoughtful though in selecting something for grandma- they try really hard to pick something really nice for her. We've dealt with that for about 15 years, nothing has changed. The thing is, kids learn a lot about people that way- they learn from us- how we react, and they learn about people like grandma :)

With the grandma, it's all about her- it's not just the attitude that comes at Christmas. I think kids see more and more of that as they age- a good lesson in humanity I suppose. how to deal with all sorts of personalities.

As said above, people reap what they sow. Grandma is now reaping the lack of a relationship with her grandkids because she demonstrated that she never cared about them.  It's the total opposite on my side, they adore my parents, who adore them- it shows both ways.

 

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