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Are parents letting themselves off the hook for parenting responsibilities?

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I have seen many post's on here of late saying things like.. "Well I can't control everything my kid does.." or "When I'm not there what can I do if my kid does x, y or z?"

And I honestly am getting sick of hearing people make excuses about why THEIR CHILD can do anything they want.. and the parent pretty much agnowledges that they have given up the right or ability to discipline or correct bad choices or behaviors in their child!?

I am sorry I think that is half the reason behind kids getting pregnant, starting to drink, do drugs etc.

Kids know.. Mom feels powerless. Dad won't back up anyrules in the house.. etc.

So How do you feel about this?

edit 

If your child commits a crime when your not arround.. ARE YOU LEGALLY RESPONSIBLE? Better bet your butt! 

If your child commits a driving violation.. when your not arround.. Do you still have to deal with insurance.. and court? Better bet your butt.. Why is it ok to say in other situations that your not responsible when legally we know that you would have to be in other instances..  

BEING THERE doesn't change your responsibility to make a child aware of your expectations of them. It doesn't change your responsibility to raise RESPONSIBLE ADULTS..  

 


by on Dec. 30, 2012 at 8:41 AM
Replies (11-20):
GOBryan
by Silver Member on Dec. 30, 2012 at 9:19 AM
8 moms liked this

Here's my opinion. Some kids are just out of control mainly due to a chemical inbalance or mental illness.  MOST kids, brought up correctly, will turn out fine.. The problem is that some parents have become excusably neglectful because they work, they are too busy in their own lives to discipline or pay attention to their kids. 

I'm 46.. I would have NEVER told my parents F... you!! 1: I respect them.. 2: They would have smacked me to the moon.  There are many things I didn't do out of respect for my parents and the fact that I would have embarrased them and myself. Many kids these days don't have family pride. Is it all the divorces, lack of upbringing ?? Combination? Does those excuses really hold water if you're a good parent? 

All I can say is that I have a 19 year old daughter and she's not like most kids and more like I was growing up so where did one parent go right and another wrong? Yes, I think much of the behavior in today's youth is the parents' fault for lack of upbringing, responsibility, education,  pride in family and discipline. 

Some teens are just impossible no matter how hard a parent has tried but those that don't have mental disabilities, and are difficult are few. 

Raise your kids right, pay attention to them, discipline them, educate them, give them a family to be proud of (divorced or not) and most will not be pregnant, drug addicts or run wild.

America is filled with people who have accountability issues and find it easier to stomach if they can place the blame fully on their kids, society or someone other than themselves. 

That's my opinion.

Lanesmommy26
by on Dec. 30, 2012 at 9:37 AM
2 moms liked this
The truth is, you need to instill values, good reasoning skills, strong heart, body and mind into your children. But honestly st a certain point, its up to them what they will do with all the good you've taught them. I always held steadfast to the rules my father had about things that could harm me like street drugs, NEVER DID THEM, but like any stupid kid, I drank, smoked cigerettes (even though my dad said he'd disown me) (he never found out I smoked as a teen), drive under the influence when I was 17 d 18 (until I wised up). My parents had high expectations of me then, still do as an adult and mother, but I was still a kid and still pushed against them, but I never went to far and I was always lucky...i realized one day that luck could run out, so I core focused on my studies at IU continued to work hard.
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GOBryan
by Silver Member on Dec. 30, 2012 at 9:42 AM
1 mom liked this

Yes, but here's the key... You tried to avoid them from discovering what you did and smoking cigs and drinking is not as horrible and probably a common curiosity for most teens. I didn't but many kids in school and friends did. Yet, they didn't get pregnant, etc. Some even did some pot.. Again, I didn't.. but those are common. Exploration is a part of growing up with limitations. 

It's mostly those who are disrespectful to their parents and open in their behavior that are the true issues because those have no pride or respect for themselves or their parents. 

Yes, many kids will try a few things but also know limitations and eventually straighten out on their own, complete school and go to college, trade school or get a good job and continue to prosper.  

Quoting Lanesmommy26:

The truth is, you need to instill values, good reasoning skills, strong heart, body and mind into your children. But honestly st a certain point, its up to them what they will do with all the good you've taught them. I always held steadfast to the rules my father had about things that could harm me like street drugs, NEVER DID THEM, but like any stupid kid, I drank, smoked cigerettes (even though my dad said he'd disown me) (he never found out I smoked as a teen), drive under the influence when I was 17 d 18 (until I wised up). My parents had high expectations of me then, still do as an adult and mother, but I was still a kid and still pushed against them, but I never went to far and I was always lucky...i realized one day that luck could run out, so I core focused on my studies at IU continued to work hard.


meriana
by Platinum Member on Dec. 30, 2012 at 9:43 AM
7 moms liked this

I agree with GOBryan, however these days, society in general has made it far more difficult. Laws have been passed to prevent child abuse but rather then preventing child abuse, they've simply opened the door for a parent who gives his/her child a quick swat on the behind in public to find CPS on their doorstep and there are more young teens without adult supervision when school is not in session than ever due to both parents working. We've gone from the idea that children need discipline to the idea that they need to be protected from the consequences of their actions and for some reason society in general seems to think that given enough information, these kids can and will assess a situation and make a good decision (choice) in the same manner as an adult even though they are not adults.

If kids are not taught to respect and abide by the rules in the home, how on earth can we righfully expect them to respect and abide by the laws once they are adults? And yet it's getting more and more to a place where a parent has little say in things, it's the child's choice, it's the child's privacy, it's the child's rights, etc. that takes precedence.

Claire-Huxtable
by on Dec. 30, 2012 at 9:44 AM
3 moms liked this

I completely agree.  I cannot believe the number of moms here who say "Well, if you don't like my kids being loud or having tantrums in public, stay at home.   I can't make them behave and I don't have to stay out of the public's sight to make you selfish people happy."


I cannot understand at all that mentality that somehow they should allow their kids to disturb the other customers because they don't want to leave or control what their children are doing.   I would be embarrassed if I were to allow my children to bother the other customers.  I was raised with manners.

LaughingTattoo
by Member on Dec. 30, 2012 at 9:46 AM

I agree with turtle. My husband is a good example. He was raised in a very loving, very disaplined big family. He was raised with a certain amount of privilage as well. His parents were foster parents to hundreds of kids through the years and there life did start in the ghetto. He had no sense of entitlement due to this. BUT.....he still became an alcoholic and herion addict by the age of 16. He stole, he cheated, he committed crimes, he cussed out his parents, he used women, ect.......... This lasted 15 years.It was of NO fault of his parents or the life he had.

He is obviously 17 years clean now and a wonderful person. But one move could have left him right where he was and dead. He was a craptastic kid and person raised by awesome parents.

Quoting turtle68:

 um yeah I have no idea what you are on about ....all I said was that sometimes through no fault of the parent the kid turns out to be an arsehole.

Most will turn out like how their parents parented them....sometimes some slip through the cracks...and you wonder how the hell did that kid come from that family?!

Quoting PortiaRose:

And? His flesh is MY flesh, and he will do what I want. I have seen that shit happen, too. It works, people just don't want their kids feeling like they don't have control over their own lives.

Guess what? They don't.


Quoting turtle68:

 you can have an arsehole kid ya know....just saying.

 


GOBryan
by Silver Member on Dec. 30, 2012 at 9:49 AM
1 mom liked this

Yes, I totally agree. It's become ridiculous with Children and Family over the slightest thing, however, one doesn't always have to whack a child to discipline or earn their respect.  The key word is "respect."  Kids are missing that because parents are not doing what they need to do to earn their respect. "Earn" not "Command" is also another important key word. If my mother was a druggie and/or prostitute, she would not likely have had my respect. Kids learn from example. It's not do as I say, not as I do.. That's hypocrisy.. 

Quoting meriana:

I agree with GOBryan, however these days, society in general has made it far more difficult. Laws have been passed to prevent child abuse but rather then preventing child abuse, they've simply opened the door for a parent who gives his/her child a quick swat on the behind in public to find CPS on their doorstep and there are more young teens without adult supervision when school is not in session than ever due to both parents working. We've gone from the idea that children need discipline to the idea that they need to be protected from the consequences of their actions and for some reason society in general seems to think that given enough information, these kids can and will assess a situation and make a good decision (choice) in the same manner as an adult even though they are not adults.

If kids are not taught to respect and abide by the rules in the home, how on earth can we righfully expect them to respect and abide by the laws once they are adults? And yet it's getting more and more to a place where a parent has little say in things, it's the child's choice, it's the child's privacy, it's the child's rights, etc. that takes precedence.


rfurlongg
by on Dec. 30, 2012 at 9:51 AM
1 mom liked this
Try as we may, we really cannot control everything our children do. We can raise them well and hope they make the best choices, but that doesn't always happen. Did our parents know every move we did all the time?

Bottom line, knowing everything your child does and controlling everything they do, doesn't make you a better parent. It makes you controlling. Teaching them to make good choices, surround themselves with good people and deal with the results of their choices makes you a good parent.

Just as an aside, bad parents have always existed. They are not unique to this generation.
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Woodbabe
by Woodie on Dec. 30, 2012 at 9:59 AM
10 moms liked this

Ooh you gave birth to a robot? How cool!

Quoting PortiaRose:

And? His flesh is MY flesh, and he will do what I want. I have seen that shit happen, too. It works, people just don't want their kids feeling like they don't have control over their own lives.

Guess what? They don't.


Quoting turtle68:

 you can have an arsehole kid ya know....just saying.


 Sexy If its unladylike, fattening or fun, I'm in!
  

Woodbabe
by Woodie on Dec. 30, 2012 at 10:01 AM
13 moms liked this

We raised our kids to be successful in the real world, able to take care of themselves and to be productive members of society. You don't accomplish this by controlling their every breath, you do it by giving them the opportunity to make learning mistakes, then being there to make sure they learn from it. If kids never have a chance to screw up and understand the consequences, what will their motivation be to do the right thing when the time comes?

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