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Are parents letting themselves off the hook for parenting responsibilities?

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I have seen many post's on here of late saying things like.. "Well I can't control everything my kid does.." or "When I'm not there what can I do if my kid does x, y or z?"

And I honestly am getting sick of hearing people make excuses about why THEIR CHILD can do anything they want.. and the parent pretty much agnowledges that they have given up the right or ability to discipline or correct bad choices or behaviors in their child!?

I am sorry I think that is half the reason behind kids getting pregnant, starting to drink, do drugs etc.

Kids know.. Mom feels powerless. Dad won't back up anyrules in the house.. etc.

So How do you feel about this?

edit 

If your child commits a crime when your not arround.. ARE YOU LEGALLY RESPONSIBLE? Better bet your butt! 

If your child commits a driving violation.. when your not arround.. Do you still have to deal with insurance.. and court? Better bet your butt.. Why is it ok to say in other situations that your not responsible when legally we know that you would have to be in other instances..  

BEING THERE doesn't change your responsibility to make a child aware of your expectations of them. It doesn't change your responsibility to raise RESPONSIBLE ADULTS..  

 


by on Dec. 30, 2012 at 8:41 AM
Replies (21-30):
blues_pagan
by on Dec. 30, 2012 at 10:05 AM
5 moms liked this

I was raised thinking that no matter what I did mom and dad would find out about it and there would be hell to pay if I did something wrong.  To add to it we lived in a small town where everyone knew each other.  News traveled fast.  Helped me to stay in line.

FromAtoZ
by AllieCat on Dec. 30, 2012 at 12:43 PM
1 mom liked this


Quoting JavaLadybug2:

 

I have seen many post's on here of late saying things like.. "Well I can't control everything my kid does.." or "When I'm not there what can I do if my kid does x, y or z?"

And I honestly am getting sick of hearing people make excuses about why THEIR CHILD can do anything they want.. and the parent pretty much agnowledges that they have given up the right or ability to discipline or correct bad choices or behaviors in their child!?

I am sorry I think that is half the reason behind kids getting pregnant, starting to drink, do drugs etc.

Kids know.. Mom feels powerless. Dad won't back up anyrules in the house.. etc.

So How do you feel about this?

edit 

If your child commits a crime when your not arround.. ARE YOU LEGALLY RESPONSIBLE? Better bet your butt! 

If your child commits a driving violation.. when your not arround.. Do you still have to deal with insurance.. and court? Better bet your butt.. Why is it ok to say in other situations that your not responsible when legally we know that you would have to be in other instances..  

BEING THERE doesn't change your responsibility to make a child aware of your expectations of them. It doesn't change your responsibility to raise RESPONSIBLE ADULTS..  

 


You are taking the words of most out of context. Most people do. 

I am indeed responsible for what my underage child does.  As I was when my two adult children were under age.

However, not even the most perfect and attentive parent, can control all of the actions, thoughts, words or feelings of their children.  Try as we might, we cannot.  Well, of course there are those parents who take things to the extreme to control their child's every move and thought.

Our children were born with their own personalities and their own minds. We guide them, we teach them, we discipline them.  As we all should.  We hold them accountable for their actions and discuss the consequences to certain actions.

But not living with my head in the sand, assuming I can indeed control all actions and such of my children, is by no means an indication that I am letting my children do as they please or showing them that I am weak and they can run all over me.  Quite the opposite, actually.

I used to be that parent who believed I could indeed stop my child from doing any thing and every thing I felt they should not do.  Regardless of if they were with me or not.  Reality was otherwise and I had to move forward and understand that I was wrong in my thinking and my believing that.  Doing so was only turning a blind eye and not being able to see clearly.

When I say that I cannot control the actions of my children does not equate to saying I am giving the okay for my child to do as she pleases and without consequence.


~*~Youth is when you're allowed to stay up late on New Year's Eve. Middle age is when you're forced to.~*~

lga1965
by on Dec. 30, 2012 at 1:01 PM

 THIS:

Quoting christina0607:

Of course there are parents like this. There always have been. As a teen I had friends who had these parents. They had no rules, their parents would buy us alcohol under the guise of "I'd rather they drink at home".They weren't held to really any standards.

These are parents who have no idea how to raise a child so they go the complete opposite and let the child raise themselves.

 

lga1965
by on Dec. 30, 2012 at 1:05 PM
1 mom liked this

 

Quoting blues_pagan:

I was raised thinking that no matter what I did mom and dad would find out about it and there would be hell to pay if I did something wrong.  To add to it we lived in a small town where everyone knew each other.  News traveled fast.  Helped me to stay in line.

 Same here.

And I wanted to please my parents. I couldn't stand it if they disapproved or said they were disappointed in me. It really kept me in line ,too.

blues_pagan
by on Dec. 30, 2012 at 1:07 PM
2 moms liked this

Same here.  Not to say that I didn't do things that I knew was kind of wrong but I think that is what teens do.  They push the line sometimes.  

But I was well behaved not because I feared my parents but more because I wanted them to be proud of me and I didn't want to disappoint them.

Quoting lga1965:

 

Quoting blues_pagan:

I was raised thinking that no matter what I did mom and dad would find out about it and there would be hell to pay if I did something wrong.  To add to it we lived in a small town where everyone knew each other.  News traveled fast.  Helped me to stay in line.

 Same here.

And I wanted to please my parents. I couldn't stand it if they disapproved or said they were disappointed in me. It really kept me in line ,too.


lga1965
by on Dec. 30, 2012 at 1:13 PM

 Yup. I did push the envelope occasionally too but it wasn't anything major like alcohol, drugs,sex, trouble at school. It was more like staying up too late reading and having a hard time getting up the next morning! Or not cleaning my room. :-)

My kids felt the same way,I guess, because they were good kids ( They are all adults in their 40's with their own kids who stay out of trouble too...)

Quoting blues_pagan:

Same here.  Not to say that I didn't do things that I knew was kind of wrong but I think that is what teens do.  They push the line sometimes.  

But I was well behaved not because I feared my parents but more because I wanted them to be proud of me and I didn't want to disappoint them.

Quoting lga1965:

 

Quoting blues_pagan:

I was raised thinking that no matter what I did mom and dad would find out about it and there would be hell to pay if I did something wrong.  To add to it we lived in a small town where everyone knew each other.  News traveled fast.  Helped me to stay in line.

 Same here.

And I wanted to please my parents. I couldn't stand it if they disapproved or said they were disappointed in me. It really kept me in line ,too.


 

blues_pagan
by on Dec. 30, 2012 at 1:15 PM
1 mom liked this

I did things I am not proud of and I did get in trouble for them.  But I never did get out of hand or crazy.

When I left home and thought about all I did I actually called my mom and apologized.  She laughed at me.  She said that we were cake compared to what she heard other parents deal with.  She thought we were wonderful kids.  

Quoting lga1965:

 Yup. I did push the envelope occasionally too but it wasn't anything major like alcohol, drugs,sex, trouble at school. It was more like staying up too late reading and having a hard time getting up the next morning! Or not cleaning my room. :-)

My kids felt the same way,I guess, because they were good kids ( They are all adults in their 40's with their own kids who stay out of trouble too...)

Quoting blues_pagan:

Same here.  Not to say that I didn't do things that I knew was kind of wrong but I think that is what teens do.  They push the line sometimes.  

But I was well behaved not because I feared my parents but more because I wanted them to be proud of me and I didn't want to disappoint them.

Quoting lga1965:

 

Quoting blues_pagan:

I was raised thinking that no matter what I did mom and dad would find out about it and there would be hell to pay if I did something wrong.  To add to it we lived in a small town where everyone knew each other.  News traveled fast.  Helped me to stay in line.

 Same here.

And I wanted to please my parents. I couldn't stand it if they disapproved or said they were disappointed in me. It really kept me in line ,too.


 


lga1965
by on Dec. 30, 2012 at 1:21 PM

 Its so good to read positive replies here at CM!

Sounds like your parents did a great job raising you!  :-)

Quoting blues_pagan:

I did things I am not proud of and I did get in trouble for them.  But I never did get out of hand or crazy.

When I left home and thought about all I did I actually called my mom and apologized.  She laughed at me.  She said that we were cake compared to what she heard other parents deal with.  She thought we were wonderful kids.  

Quoting lga1965:

 Yup. I did push the envelope occasionally too but it wasn't anything major like alcohol, drugs,sex, trouble at school. It was more like staying up too late reading and having a hard time getting up the next morning! Or not cleaning my room. :-)

My kids felt the same way,I guess, because they were good kids ( They are all adults in their 40's with their own kids who stay out of trouble too...)

Quoting blues_pagan:

Same here.  Not to say that I didn't do things that I knew was kind of wrong but I think that is what teens do.  They push the line sometimes.  

But I was well behaved not because I feared my parents but more because I wanted them to be proud of me and I didn't want to disappoint them.

Quoting lga1965:

 

Quoting blues_pagan:

I was raised thinking that no matter what I did mom and dad would find out about it and there would be hell to pay if I did something wrong.  To add to it we lived in a small town where everyone knew each other.  News traveled fast.  Helped me to stay in line.

 Same here.

And I wanted to please my parents. I couldn't stand it if they disapproved or said they were disappointed in me. It really kept me in line ,too.


 


 

blues_pagan
by on Dec. 30, 2012 at 1:22 PM

I think so.  I know I owe a lot to my mom for how she raised us.  She did an awesome job even though I know it was really hard for her at times.

Quoting lga1965:

 Its so good to read positive replies here at CM!

Sounds like your parents did a great job raising you!  :-)

Quoting blues_pagan:

I did things I am not proud of and I did get in trouble for them.  But I never did get out of hand or crazy.

When I left home and thought about all I did I actually called my mom and apologized.  She laughed at me.  She said that we were cake compared to what she heard other parents deal with.  She thought we were wonderful kids.  

Quoting lga1965:

 Yup. I did push the envelope occasionally too but it wasn't anything major like alcohol, drugs,sex, trouble at school. It was more like staying up too late reading and having a hard time getting up the next morning! Or not cleaning my room. :-)

My kids felt the same way,I guess, because they were good kids ( They are all adults in their 40's with their own kids who stay out of trouble too...)

Quoting blues_pagan:

Same here.  Not to say that I didn't do things that I knew was kind of wrong but I think that is what teens do.  They push the line sometimes.  

But I was well behaved not because I feared my parents but more because I wanted them to be proud of me and I didn't want to disappoint them.

Quoting lga1965:

 

Quoting blues_pagan:

I was raised thinking that no matter what I did mom and dad would find out about it and there would be hell to pay if I did something wrong.  To add to it we lived in a small town where everyone knew each other.  News traveled fast.  Helped me to stay in line.

 Same here.

And I wanted to please my parents. I couldn't stand it if they disapproved or said they were disappointed in me. It really kept me in line ,too.


 


 


LACHESIS
by Member on Dec. 30, 2012 at 1:26 PM

My cousin is like this :( "I can't control them". She is so lucky she is not a teen grandma. 

*I* think, my cousin got married young, had her girls young and now (and for a long while), maybe missed being a "young adult". She is more interested in being their friend than a parent.
Both kids moved out before 18. One was... 15 and one was 16.  

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