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Are parents letting themselves off the hook for parenting responsibilities?

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I have seen many post's on here of late saying things like.. "Well I can't control everything my kid does.." or "When I'm not there what can I do if my kid does x, y or z?"

And I honestly am getting sick of hearing people make excuses about why THEIR CHILD can do anything they want.. and the parent pretty much agnowledges that they have given up the right or ability to discipline or correct bad choices or behaviors in their child!?

I am sorry I think that is half the reason behind kids getting pregnant, starting to drink, do drugs etc.

Kids know.. Mom feels powerless. Dad won't back up anyrules in the house.. etc.

So How do you feel about this?

edit 

If your child commits a crime when your not arround.. ARE YOU LEGALLY RESPONSIBLE? Better bet your butt! 

If your child commits a driving violation.. when your not arround.. Do you still have to deal with insurance.. and court? Better bet your butt.. Why is it ok to say in other situations that your not responsible when legally we know that you would have to be in other instances..  

BEING THERE doesn't change your responsibility to make a child aware of your expectations of them. It doesn't change your responsibility to raise RESPONSIBLE ADULTS..  

 


by on Dec. 30, 2012 at 8:41 AM
Replies (41-50):
FromAtoZ
by AllieCat on Dec. 30, 2012 at 2:56 PM


Quoting SRUsarahSC:

any parent who blames everyone and everything else for why their child doesn't listen/is a mini criminal, what have you.  

Quoting FromAtoZ:


Quoting SRUsarahSC:

I'll keep it simple. YES OP, THEY ARE.

Who is 'they', exactly??


Ahhh, I see.

Do you believe the majority of parents fall in to this category?

Do you believe that no child has a mind of their own and that all of the actions of the child are indeed the sole responsibility of the parent?

~*~Youth is when you're allowed to stay up late on New Year's Eve. Middle age is when you're forced to.~*~

SRUsarahSC
by Bronze Member on Dec. 30, 2012 at 3:00 PM
1 mom liked this

Until they are 18 you are legally responsible for them and their actions.  I had a mind of my own but I knew damn well what the limitations set by my parents were and what the consequences were if I didn't follow the guidelines. It's not bad parenting to have some expectations and consequences for behavior.

Quoting FromAtoZ:


Quoting SRUsarahSC:

any parent who blames everyone and everything else for why their child doesn't listen/is a mini criminal, what have you.  

Quoting FromAtoZ:


Quoting SRUsarahSC:

I'll keep it simple. YES OP, THEY ARE.

Who is 'they', exactly??


Ahhh, I see.

Do you believe the majority of parents fall in to this category?

Do you believe that no child has a mind of their own and that all of the actions of the child are indeed the sole responsibility of the parent?


MeAndTommyLee
by Platinum Member on Dec. 30, 2012 at 3:30 PM

Apparently setting parental boundaries is archaic.  The days where a parent could give you the `look' and stop you cold in your tracks is `abuse'.  I had no problem growing up following the rules my parents laid out because they were reasonable with enough wiggle room for making my own mistakes. 
However, issues such as not going to school, going and staying out for as long as I liked, dating at 12 (LOL), showing disrespect for my parents, peers and teachers was NOT negotiable and was not permitted unless I planned on spending my summer vacation indoors.  I grew up when `grounding' meant something, lying, stealing, failing a class (I never failed a single class in my life), not cleaning your room, and telling your parents to go to hell had major consequences.  It is important to say that my parents did not strike me ONCE.  Physical punishment was never necessary because my boundaries and expectations were clearly defined and understood.  The very idea of disappointing myself and my parents was upsetting to me and deterred me from doing anything they did not approve of. 

Quoting SRUsarahSC:

Until they are 18 you are legally responsible for them and their actions.  I had a mind of my own but I knew damn well what the limitations set by my parents were and what the consequences were if I didn't follow the guidelines. It's not bad parenting to have some expectations and consequences for behavior.

Quoting FromAtoZ:


Quoting SRUsarahSC:

any parent who blames everyone and everything else for why their child doesn't listen/is a mini criminal, what have you.  

Quoting FromAtoZ:


Quoting SRUsarahSC:

I'll keep it simple. YES OP, THEY ARE.

Who is 'they', exactly??

 

Ahhh, I see.

Do you believe the majority of parents fall in to this category?

Do you believe that no child has a mind of their own and that all of the actions of the child are indeed the sole responsibility of the parent?

 


christina0607
by on Dec. 30, 2012 at 3:36 PM
Why in the world would you think this is an archaic way of life. Don't be ridiculous, many of us are raising our kids the same way we were raised.

Quoting MeAndTommyLee:

Apparently setting parental boundaries is archaic.  The days where a parent could give you the `look' and stop you cold in your tracks is `abuse'.  I had no problem growing up following the rules my parents laid out because they were reasonable with enough wiggle room for making my own mistakes. 
However, issues such as not going to school, going and staying out for as long as I liked, dating at 12 (LOL), showing disrespect for my parents, peers and teachers was NOT negotiable and was not permitted unless I planned on spending my summer vacation indoors.  I grew up when `grounding' meant something, lying, stealing, failing a class (I never failed a single class in my life), not cleaning your room, and telling your parents to go to hell had major consequences.  It is important to say that my parents did not strike me ONCE.  Physical punishment was never necessary because my boundaries and expectations were clearly defined and understood.  The very idea of disappointing myself and my parents was upsetting to me and deterred me from doing anything they did not approve of. 


Quoting SRUsarahSC:


Until they are 18 you are legally responsible for them and their actions.  I had a mind of my own but I knew damn well what the limitations set by my parents were and what the consequences were if I didn't follow the guidelines. It's not bad parenting to have some expectations and consequences for behavior.


Quoting FromAtoZ:




Quoting SRUsarahSC:


any parent who blames everyone and everything else for why their child doesn't listen/is a mini criminal, what have you.  


Quoting FromAtoZ:




Quoting SRUsarahSC:


I'll keep it simple. YES OP, THEY ARE.


Who is 'they', exactly??


 


Ahhh, I see.


Do you believe the majority of parents fall in to this category?


Do you believe that no child has a mind of their own and that all of the actions of the child are indeed the sole responsibility of the parent?


 



Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
autodidact
by Platinum Member on Dec. 30, 2012 at 3:37 PM
2 moms liked this

punishing them is after the fact and not the same as being able to control their every move

MeAndTommyLee
by Platinum Member on Dec. 30, 2012 at 3:43 PM

Have you read some of these responses?  I don't believe most people raise their children in this manner.  I think we are in the minority. 

Quoting christina0607:

Why in the world would you think this is an archaic way of life. Don't be ridiculous, many of us are raising our kids the same way we were raised.

Quoting MeAndTommyLee:

Apparently setting parental boundaries is archaic.  The days where a parent could give you the `look' and stop you cold in your tracks is `abuse'.  I had no problem growing up following the rules my parents laid out because they were reasonable with enough wiggle room for making my own mistakes. 
However, issues such as not going to school, going and staying out for as long as I liked, dating at 12 (LOL), showing disrespect for my parents, peers and teachers was NOT negotiable and was not permitted unless I planned on spending my summer vacation indoors.  I grew up when `grounding' meant something, lying, stealing, failing a class (I never failed a single class in my life), not cleaning your room, and telling your parents to go to hell had major consequences.  It is important to say that my parents did not strike me ONCE.  Physical punishment was never necessary because my boundaries and expectations were clearly defined and understood.  The very idea of disappointing myself and my parents was upsetting to me and deterred me from doing anything they did not approve of. 


Quoting SRUsarahSC:


Until they are 18 you are legally responsible for them and their actions.  I had a mind of my own but I knew damn well what the limitations set by my parents were and what the consequences were if I didn't follow the guidelines. It's not bad parenting to have some expectations and consequences for behavior.


Quoting FromAtoZ:




Quoting SRUsarahSC:


any parent who blames everyone and everything else for why their child doesn't listen/is a mini criminal, what have you.  


Quoting FromAtoZ:




Quoting SRUsarahSC:


I'll keep it simple. YES OP, THEY ARE.


Who is 'they', exactly??


 


Ahhh, I see.


Do you believe the majority of parents fall in to this category?


Do you believe that no child has a mind of their own and that all of the actions of the child are indeed the sole responsibility of the parent?


 


 


christina0607
by on Dec. 30, 2012 at 3:45 PM
I do not consider the few people in this group the majority, lol. In my world, yes, most are raising their kids this way.

Quoting MeAndTommyLee:

Have you read some of these responses?  I don't believe most people raise their children in this manner.  I think we are in the minority. 


Quoting christina0607:

Why in the world would you think this is an archaic way of life. Don't be ridiculous, many of us are raising our kids the same way we were raised.


Quoting MeAndTommyLee:


Apparently setting parental boundaries is archaic.  The days where a parent could give you the `look' and stop you cold in your tracks is `abuse'.  I had no problem growing up following the rules my parents laid out because they were reasonable with enough wiggle room for making my own mistakes. 
However, issues such as not going to school, going and staying out for as long as I liked, dating at 12 (LOL), showing disrespect for my parents, peers and teachers was NOT negotiable and was not permitted unless I planned on spending my summer vacation indoors.  I grew up when `grounding' meant something, lying, stealing, failing a class (I never failed a single class in my life), not cleaning your room, and telling your parents to go to hell had major consequences.  It is important to say that my parents did not strike me ONCE.  Physical punishment was never necessary because my boundaries and expectations were clearly defined and understood.  The very idea of disappointing myself and my parents was upsetting to me and deterred me from doing anything they did not approve of. 



Quoting SRUsarahSC:



Until they are 18 you are legally responsible for them and their actions.  I had a mind of my own but I knew damn well what the limitations set by my parents were and what the consequences were if I didn't follow the guidelines. It's not bad parenting to have some expectations and consequences for behavior.



Quoting FromAtoZ:






Quoting SRUsarahSC:



any parent who blames everyone and everything else for why their child doesn't listen/is a mini criminal, what have you.  



Quoting FromAtoZ:






Quoting SRUsarahSC:



I'll keep it simple. YES OP, THEY ARE.



Who is 'they', exactly??



 



Ahhh, I see.



Do you believe the majority of parents fall in to this category?



Do you believe that no child has a mind of their own and that all of the actions of the child are indeed the sole responsibility of the parent?



 



 



Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
ms-superwoman
by Silver Member on Dec. 30, 2012 at 3:55 PM

It is our job to shape them and to teach them how to make good choices and be responsible for their actions, etc...You can teach your children and try to shape them until you are blue in the face. In the end they will make their own decisions. Whether they make good ones or bad ones, is completely up to them.

If you believe that getting pregnant, drinking, and doing drugs are new things that kids are just starting to get into, you are highly mistaken.

hemlockprimrose
by on Dec. 30, 2012 at 4:22 PM
1 mom liked this

OK ladies, I am Blue_pagans mom... Her dad left me with her and her sister with $ 4.00.. I didn't work through the marriage.. I was a SAHM but 3 years out of that we lived in Germany.. so once he left.. I would do anything for my girls... he sister was still small .. my mom would watch her while I worked part time ( my dad's health ) was not good that is why she could only baby sit part time... I always taught my kids respect, manners, I am there best friend.. but also there mom.. they can come to me for anything.. they were not spoiled by far.. I didn't have the money to spoil them.. sure I do feel guily at times.. but I know what wonderful woman they have become.. I am so very proud of my kids!!! 

blues_pagan
by on Dec. 30, 2012 at 5:25 PM

And I think that you can easily say that you didn't have to "control" us but you did a good job of instilling values in us so you knew we would do the right thing.


Love you mom.

Quoting hemlockprimrose:

OK ladies, I am Blue_pagans mom... Her dad left me with her and her sister with $ 4.00.. I didn't work through the marriage.. I was a SAHM but 3 years out of that we lived in Germany.. so once he left.. I would do anything for my girls... he sister was still small .. my mom would watch her while I worked part time ( my dad's health ) was not good that is why she could only baby sit part time... I always taught my kids respect, manners, I am there best friend.. but also there mom.. they can come to me for anything.. they were not spoiled by far.. I didn't have the money to spoil them.. sure I do feel guily at times.. but I know what wonderful woman they have become.. I am so very proud of my kids!!! 


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