Senate outraged at having to work over the weekend
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)â€”Howls of protest filled the halls of the U.S. Senate today as dozens of Senators expressed their outrage at having to work through the weekend to save the United States from financial Armageddon.
â€śWeâ€™re hearing a lot about the country plunging back into recession and millions of people being thrown out of work,â€ť said Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-Kentucky). â€śWhat weâ€™re not hearing much about is how our Sunday is being completely and irrevocably ruined.â€ť
Senator McConnell said that when President Obama called the Senate back to work on a budget deal this weekend, â€śAt first I thought he was kidding. Not only have I never worked on a weekend, Iâ€™ve never met anyone whoâ€™s done such a damn fool thing.â€ť
The Senate Minority Leader added that â€śif saving this country means working Saturday and Sunday, then Iâ€™m not sure this is a country worth saving.â€ť
â€śYes, I know that the fiscal cliff is a ticking time bomb that could destroy the U.S. economy for years to come and take the rest of the world with it,â€ť he said. â€śI also know that Sunday is Week seventeen of the N.F.L. season and now Iâ€™m missing all my games.â€ť
Mr. McConnell said that while â€śsaving the nation may be important to be some people,â€ť he worries that forcing the Senate to work on a weekend is setting a dangerous precedent.
â€śFor years, people have run for Congress because they knew that serving here was synonymous with not working,â€ť he said. â€śIf thatâ€™s going to change all of a sudden, a lot of us are going to feel very betrayed.â€ť
Does this attitude make anyone else sick?