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Should children fear their parents? edited

Posted by on Jan. 5, 2013 at 3:02 PM
  • 46 Replies

 

Poll

Question: If a child cannot be taught to fear and understand dire consequence for their actions and behaviors then they should at the very least fear the disappointment and consequences that will come from their parents and/or guardians.

Options:

true

false

undecided and I will explain why


Only group members can vote in this poll.

Total Votes: 47

View Results

What is a better motivator for children? Understanding consequences or fear of one's parents? Both?

edit
I should have been more specific. I want our kids to fear disappointing us. I want to build a strong bond with them that helps them become aware of family values, morals and expectations. I never want them to fear us in a way that makes the anxious or uncertain of how we will behave at any given moment.

by on Jan. 5, 2013 at 3:02 PM
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Replies (1-10):
TruthSeeker.
by Milami on Jan. 5, 2013 at 3:07 PM
2 moms liked this

 Fear works, but it isn't something I am doing with my children.

 Fear of consequences, sure, but not fear of us. There are children in my sons classroom that start bawling when they have to move their card to yellow because they know they are going to get a spanking when they get home. My son has only moved 2 times the entire school year, but there were no tears. He knows that I am ok with him making a mistake. A second time results in a punishment like having something taken away.

 I was raised by an iron fisted mother that was very liberal in her beatings. We feared her. We did not confide in her and learned at an early age to lie so that we didn't get beat more. At 36 yrs of age I still have a strained relationship with her and do not allow her to discipline my children.

christina0607
by on Jan. 5, 2013 at 3:11 PM
2 moms liked this

I said true...however I don't feel that the statement I agreed with has anything to do with fearing your parents.

You fear their disappointment out of the respect you have for them. Children seek their parents approval, thats normal.

I was always scared of disappointing my parents. I was never scared of them. I loved them and respected them. I knew they knew what was best for me, even if I didn't always agree with them. 

LucyMom08
by Gold Member on Jan. 5, 2013 at 3:11 PM
4 moms liked this

 I try to emphasize the positive with my children...personally, I would feel like a failure if my children were afraid of me...

marissa615
by Member on Jan. 5, 2013 at 3:16 PM
3 moms liked this

 i never want my children to fear me,  there is enough in this world to fear.  I want my children to feel loved and safe with me. 

little.worthen
by Tess on Jan. 5, 2013 at 3:17 PM

i dont think a child should fear me as a parent, but i do think they should fear the disappointment i will feel towards them if they do not choose the right.

survivorinohio
by René on Jan. 5, 2013 at 3:18 PM

A little


icn_mom
by Member on Jan. 5, 2013 at 3:23 PM

I think that children should not fear their parents in any way.. they should repect them, big difference. I think that children that are taught properly will have no reason to fear disappointing their parents, because their parents would have given them the tools to make good and proper choices.. I feared my parents growing up (both physically and fearing to dissapoint) and it really gave me a nasty complex.. I would never want my daughter to fear me in any way shape or form! I would want her to learn from me.

greenie63
by Silver Member on Jan. 5, 2013 at 3:36 PM

A child should never fear their parents. They should respect them, as the parent should respect the child as well. 

Children comprehend consequences well, just as we adults do. For example, I told my 9yr old son to put his Hotwheel super lane racing thing away before he and his friends broke it. No more than 2 mins had passed and he comes to me crying, "mommy my hotwheel track is broken." I told him "I asked you to put it away so that it wouldn't get broken and this is what happens." 

He's sad of course, but he now before he plays with his friends, he puts his things away that he thinks may be broken. There is no need to yell, or spank in an attempt to put fear into a child. 

thecoffeefairy
by Bronze Member on Jan. 5, 2013 at 3:39 PM
1 mom liked this
I agree. I think teaching kids the natural consequences of their actions or inactions gives them the tools to make proper decisions as an adult.


Quoting greenie63:

A child should never fear their parents. They should respect them, as the parent should respect the child as well. 

Children comprehend consequences well, just as we adults do. For example, I told my 9yr old son to put his Hotwheel super lane racing thing away before he and his friends broke it. No more than 2 mins had passed and he comes to me crying, "mommy my hotwheel track is broken." I told him "I asked you to put it away so that it wouldn't get broken and this is what happens." 

He's sad of course, but he now before he plays with his friends, he puts his things away that he thinks may be broken. There is no need to yell, or spank in an attempt to put fear into a child. 


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ahappymommy
by Member on Jan. 5, 2013 at 3:40 PM

I was raised to fear my parents, to the point that I am 31 and I still fear them, cause my mom will still slap me, serioulsy! My brother and I were terrified of my parents and what they would do to us. My mom was raised that way, and we were in no way abused the way she was, I still feel its wrong for a child to be terrified of their parents, and my mom tells me daily that I am raising my son wrong, but I love him to much to want he to be that scared of me and what I will do.

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