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Current Events & Hot Topics Current Events & Hot Topics

S/O- Blaming a victim

Posted by on Jan. 5, 2013 at 9:27 PM
  • 21 Replies

This spin off is from the photo of how many people think she deserved it post and the photo.

So my husband and I had a great conversation about this the other day and he had this conversation with people before. He starts with this question.

So a person lives in a great neighborhood and usually always lock the door. That person just got a new TV for Christmas, a nice new 52" LCD flat screen. Today that person ran to the store that 5 min away for milk and forgot to lock it. That person was gone for an hour because it was the weekend and no one was home. When that person came home the TV was gone and that person had been robbed.

Who is at fault?


Most people go, wellthey should have locked their door. True, but why blame the victim first? Don't you think we should all go why the hell did someone break in a steal their stuff?

It's the same situation. People like to blame the victim first because they think it could have prevented a crime. Same for child abduction and really anything rather than going staright to the source. The criminal.

So the next time you think a woman deserved it, you better think how you judged her. There is a difference between condoning crime and disagreeing with how someone dresses.

by on Jan. 5, 2013 at 9:27 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Citygirlk
by Gold Member on Jan. 5, 2013 at 9:33 PM
Sigh.
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pittawadda
by Bronze Member on Jan. 5, 2013 at 9:34 PM

Eh, I'm rarely thought provoking (or poking iwth a stick) on CM but I thought I'd try.

Poke

Quoting Citygirlk:

Sigh.


turtle68
by Mahinaarangi on Jan. 5, 2013 at 9:45 PM

 I'll play :-)

I think that the perception of a crime needs to be judged prior to any judgement on the victim.

Is a woman who takes a drug and drinks whilst wearing a see through skirt with no knickers and a boob tube that has been all over a man who is also under the influence of drugs and alcohol a victim if the guy continues to have a good time with her....or is it sexual assault because she wakes up and feels that she wouldnt have gone through with it had she been aware?

 

twinmom86
by on Jan. 5, 2013 at 9:46 PM
I don't think it's about blaming the victim (for most people anyway) its about the fact that we are all aware that there are criminals out there and we need to protect ourselves. Aweful things happen to people all the time and to ignore the fact doesn't mean it won't happen to you. When someone is in a car crash and wasn't wearing a seat belt you can't help but wonder why someone would put themselves at risk. Is it the victims fault when something bad happens? Hell no! But they should try their hardest to protect themselves against those kinds of situations. I hope this made sense lol.
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pittawadda
by Bronze Member on Jan. 5, 2013 at 9:53 PM

AH yes the good ole drugs and alkie....

That's a tough one. I feel for men in this situation. It's a toughie. I was date raped. I didn't report it at the time because I had had a beer and a shot and thought maybe I was just drunk and passed out. Well my situation wasn't quite like that. He said nothing happened (I knew somethink did) and I did not have THAT much. I had 1 beer and 1 shot. 9 months later...yeah that happened....

ANYWAY...

I try to teach my boys that no matter what once a girl says no, stop and get out of the situation. It's to protect them. Because "bitches be crazy"

I don't want my boys to be in a sitation where a girl can say rape when the mean regret. I have seen it happen to men. I also am trying to teach my daughter to NEVER cry rape unless it is actually rape and if she is EVER confused, she can ALWAYS talk to me (and obvisouly self respect.

ANYWAY, back to the question

So are they like mid into this and she like sobers up? And changes her mind? Or like sobers up mid and finishes? 

I'm not sure. According to army law, if a woman is intoxicated and consents (this was back when I was in a raped) it can be considered rape

Quoting turtle68:

 I'll play :-)

I think that the perception of a crime needs to be judged prior to any judgement on the victim.

Is a woman who takes a drug and drinks whilst wearing a see through skirt with no knickers and a boob tube that has been all over a man who is also under the influence of drugs and alcohol a victim if the guy continues to have a good time with her....or is it sexual assault because she wakes up and feels that she wouldnt have gone through with it had she been aware?

 


pittawadda
by Bronze Member on Jan. 5, 2013 at 9:56 PM

IT does make sense and of course we know that is how people think, but I guess it is the fact that we immediatly go to that. It is the whole, "Why didn't he lock the house?" "Why didn't he wear a seat belt" " Why did she wear a short skirt?" instead of the criminal first. 

But in recent years I have found my mind has shifted forward. I am not thinking in the past as much and have been moving forward faster. Hindsight is 20/20 and I find I am not being stuck there as long as maybe I use to be. 

Quoting twinmom86:

I don't think it's about blaming the victim (for most people anyway) its about the fact that we are all aware that there are criminals out there and we need to protect ourselves. Aweful things happen to people all the time and to ignore the fact doesn't mean it won't happen to you. When someone is in a car crash and wasn't wearing a seat belt you can't help but wonder why someone would put themselves at risk. Is it the victims fault when something bad happens? Hell no! But they should try their hardest to protect themselves against those kinds of situations. I hope this made sense lol.


AdrianneHill
by Platinum Member on Jan. 5, 2013 at 9:59 PM
I agree.

People say they just want the girl to take responsibility for her decisions which led to her assault. That's fine, disgusting but fine, as long as they can see that responsibility isn't the same as blame and the victim is always blameless. Saying no or not being able to say yes is rape. It's wrong in all circumstances.
Our culture always looks out for the men and people automatically look for holes in the girl's story or pin the blame on minorities or the merely unlucky when the mob feels like getting crazy.
I understand what you are saying and people believe that if everyone locked their doors, there's be no such thing as thievery. People want to feel in control do it is easier to blame the victim than admit it could happen to anyone
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turtle68
by Mahinaarangi on Jan. 5, 2013 at 10:05 PM

 Drugs, Alcohol and nudity or partial nudity are a bad combination....especially because it elevates the sexual prowess of both parties. (not all obviously)  Ive seen it happen a few times.  I havent heard anyone cry rape but have heard things like "that bastard friggin jumped me while I was unconcious" after someone had asked ..."hey ..did you go hard with x last night, last time I saw you both were sucking one anothers face off"

Is that admitting that she was partially responsible for her actions because yeah I was consenting and liked x...but he did shit when I wasnt even awake or is it rape?

 

Quoting pittawadda:

AH yes the good ole drugs and alkie....

That's a tough one. I feel for men in this situation. It's a toughie. I was date raped. I didn't report it at the time because I had had a beer and a shot and thought maybe I was just drunk and passed out. Well my situation wasn't quite like that. He said nothing happened (I knew somethink did) and I did not have THAT much. I had 1 beer and 1 shot. 9 months later...yeah that happened....

ANYWAY...

I try to teach my boys that no matter what once a girl says no, stop and get out of the situation. It's to protect them. Because "bitches be crazy"

I don't want my boys to be in a sitation where a girl can say rape when the mean regret. I have seen it happen to men. I also am trying to teach my daughter to NEVER cry rape unless it is actually rape and if she is EVER confused, she can ALWAYS talk to me (and obvisouly self respect.

ANYWAY, back to the question

So are they like mid into this and she like sobers up? And changes her mind? Or like sobers up mid and finishes? 

I'm not sure. According to army law, if a woman is intoxicated and consents (this was back when I was in a raped) it can be considered rape

Quoting turtle68:

 I'll play :-)

I think that the perception of a crime needs to be judged prior to any judgement on the victim.

Is a woman who takes a drug and drinks whilst wearing a see through skirt with no knickers and a boob tube that has been all over a man who is also under the influence of drugs and alcohol a victim if the guy continues to have a good time with her....or is it sexual assault because she wakes up and feels that she wouldnt have gone through with it had she been aware?

 

 

 

glitterteaz
by Ruby Member on Jan. 5, 2013 at 10:06 PM
1 mom liked this

my first thought was the moron entering the home without being invited in.

PurdueMom
by Sherri on Jan. 5, 2013 at 10:24 PM

I remember several years ago when Mike Tyson was convicted of raping a beauty contestant in my hometown.  There were witnesses that she willingly left with Mike in a limo and was seen by hotel staff entering his hotel room.  He forced himself on her and was convicted of rape.

In the community, there were many people who blamed her for going with him to his hotel room.  

I was pleasantly surprised when he was convicted, because the jury believed this young woman had a right to say "no", even up to the last second.  Personally, it helped that she had a flawless background.  I have always thought that if she had been promiscuous prior to that night, he would have been found not guilty.

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