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Ok, someone bumped some old posts of mine that were questions (spin offs at the time if I remember correctly) in order to help some understand what it is like to be transgender. However, I thought I would do one better and do a Q&A. Ask me anything and I will do my best to answer it. I am transgender and am married to a transgender individual. I am female to male and my wife is male to female. We have been out for over 2 years now. 

by on Jan. 9, 2013 at 12:00 PM
Replies (21-30):
pamelax3
by Gold Member on Jan. 9, 2013 at 5:30 PM

thank you for your answer. I am always here for him I just wanted to make sure that 16 was an appropriate age for this live altering decision. I really do not care if he turns into a skunk I am always here for him and will always love him

Quoting purpleducky:

That is not too young at all. A lot of my customers (I sell binders) are actually around that age. The best way to support your nephew is just be there for him. Ask him how he wishes to be addresses and have your phone open for phone calls.

Quoting pamelax3:

I have a very strange question. My nephew wears makeup and dresses very feminine, but says he wants to be a female, he is only 16 what is the Best way to support this? Also his mom and dad have agreed to let him start the process at the age of 16 do you think that is too young?



purpleducky
by Silver Member on Jan. 9, 2013 at 5:33 PM

Yes I am female to male and my wife is male to female. We are just like a normal couple. I am the more dominate one. However, I am not the breadwinner.

As for it being hard, yes. It took years to come to terms with myself and same with my wife. But we helped each other through it. So far we have come out to friends and family, have "changed" our names (we can legally go by a different name in our state but we cannot have IDs with that name on it until we go to court), go to therapy and are on hormones.

I consider myself pansexual and my wife consider herself bisexual. We do have two sons together. And I do think like a guy. I was "one of the guys" in high school and tried to be girly when I got married. So I just had to revert back to being me. I don't feel female at all anymore.

And I don't have a penis work. Hopefully when I get surgery it will work just like a normal penis but will just be a bit smaller.

Quoting rayroe2:

So your a female to male and his male to female?
You're really just a normal backwards couple (not being rude)
Was it hard?
what made you want to change?
Have you ever had therapy?
being transgender would you consider yourself gay or straight?
Do you have kids? How did you have kids?
Do you still think like a female?
Do you try to think like a male? since your in a mans body?
Do you still feel like a female?

How does your penis work?
 what is it like when your turned on? (not trying to get personal, I just always wanted to ask a transgender person this.)





purpleducky
by Silver Member on Jan. 9, 2013 at 5:38 PM
1 mom liked this

My 6 year old calls me dad and my 3 year old calls me mom. Vica versa for my wife.

As for legally, since we switched genders at the same time our marriage is still valid. We go by our new names now and can so legally in our state. However, we cannot have IDs in our new names until we get a court order. And I am legally male on the state level now (and my wife is female). Our state only requires a therapist consent in order to get the driver's license marker changed. However, our federal level marker (the one attached to our social security numbers) cannot be changed until we have surgery.

My wife's family has been VERY supportive. My Christmas gift even came addressed to Marc. My family is less supportive. They hate it but deal with it. The community, my wife's work and our son's school are very supportive amazingly. We did not expect that from the community or my wife's work. They are very conservative communities. 

I am 25. What took so long to come out was due to the abuse I suffered as a child. I was told I was worthless so much. When I came out to my mom she told me to just get over it. I tried. But it made my depression worse and I created a suicide plan. However, I apparently did transition a bit because when my wife met me she thought I was a guy at first. But I tried to be girly for her. I tried being the girlfriend and wife she deserved and it wasn't hard when she helped me so much with fashion, lol. But...the depression was still there and it got worse for both of us. We were trying to wait until the kids grew up so they wouldn't have a fucked up childhood. Then I started finding studies stating that kids deal with it better when they are younger and I also read a study about how sons of depressed moms are more likely to be depressed. I wanted to try and prevent that. So we agreed to be ourselves and it has changed so much of our lives for the positive.

Quoting TruthSeeker.:

 What do your children call you now? Dad? Do they call your husband mom?

 How does all of this work legally? Will you have to remarry? Change your names legally? When will you legally become a man and he a woman?

 How has your family dealt with this? With support? Are you treated well by the community you are in? Children's teachers? Other parents? Etc?

 If you don't mind my asking, how old are you? What took so long to decide to "change".


purpleducky
by Silver Member on Jan. 9, 2013 at 5:40 PM

I consider myself pansexual. I have been confused about the proper label to use for so long. I have always been attracted to men and women but tried for so long to surpress so much of it. And I would've stayed with my wife if she decided not to be a woman.

Quoting TruthSeeker.:

 Are you a gay male or a straight female now? Meaning, have you always been attracted to females then and now? If your husband had not decided to become a woman, would you have remained with him as a gay male or would you have left him for a female?


TruthSeeker.
by Milami on Jan. 9, 2013 at 6:06 PM

 I hope this is not too personal, but do your therapists believe this transition or need for transition has anything to do with your abuse?

 If you think like a man and are a man why do you want to be in an all womens group? And I am totally not saying you are not welcome!! I know you've been here a long time and have actually worked through all of this right here and have probably made a lot of friends. Just curious about why you stay :)

 Do you still feel any part of female?

 

purpleducky
by Silver Member on Jan. 9, 2013 at 6:25 PM

My therapist did entertain the idea that my gender dysphoria is due to my childhood abuse. But then I told her what the boys of my mother went through. Yes in general men in my family have it easier and are babied. But I had to watch my brothers be physically and emotionally abused. There was no way I wanted that.

I don't view this as a women's group or even Cafemom as a woman site. I view it as a mom site. And I am a mom. I view myself as parent but mom is still deeply ingrained in me from my childhood abuse. I have tried to let go of it but it is still part of me. I generally do not go into it like that when asked because I usually am in the MC group and don't feel like dealing with it with them. But that is the actual truth.

And I don't feel female anymore. I do sorta cringe when out in public and a kid calls me mom because I know how society views that moms are only female. And I'm not female, not in any sense really (in regards to gender, sex wise I still have the female parts).

Quoting TruthSeeker.:

 I hope this is not too personal, but do your therapists believe this transition or need for transition has anything to do with your abuse?

 If you think like a man and are a man why do you want to be in an all womens group? And I am totally not saying you are not welcome!! I know you've been here a long time and have actually worked through all of this right here and have probably made a lot of friends. Just curious about why you stay :)

 Do you still feel any part of female?

 


jaxTheMomm
by Platinum Member on Jan. 9, 2013 at 6:38 PM

Kudos to you both for having the strength to be who you are.

How expensive does this all get (treatment, hormones, therapy, surgery one day, etc) for you both?  How do you cover these costs?

Once you are both done with your journeys, do you expect that the physical results will match what you think?  Do you believe you will get some finality, some closure, or is that more of a therapy related issue?  Or are you there emotionally already?

How are your kids coping, or has a difference between your family and those of their friends even registered with them?

queenanne
by Silver Member on Jan. 9, 2013 at 6:46 PM

 bow down

Bookwormy
by Platinum Member on Jan. 9, 2013 at 6:53 PM
I don't have a question, I just want to give my 100% support.
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she_walk_softly
by on Jan. 9, 2013 at 6:55 PM
So when it is all said and done you and your DW are straight.
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