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Poll

Question: Do you think this punishment is too much?

Options:

Yes. She's a teenager now not a small child. She needs to have her freedom.

This isn't punishment. Children this age need to be supervised.

I agree with it for now but she should slowly be able to earn her freedom back.


Only group members can vote in this poll.

Total Votes: 101

View Results

My 13yo dd has been driving me nuts.

She snuck off and dated a boy behind my back. (That got her into a scary situation) She's hanging around kids and getting into trouble, got kicked out of the corner store, having attitude with adults. She's neglecting her chores and homework in favor of facebook and friends. And now the latest battles is clothes. Thank God her school has uniforms but outside of school I'm constantly telling her to change her clothes or add legging or an undershirt.

It comes down to the fact that I can't trust her. So I came up with a plan. I walk her to and from school. I accompany her to the park and rec center when she hangs out with her friends (her little brother and sister come too) When we leave she leaves too. I put a pass word on the computer and she's only allowed on after her homework and chores are done.

She wants to know how long this will go on. I told her until she can prove to me that she's responsible. So now I am officially the worst mother ever,lol.

by on Jan. 25, 2013 at 1:08 PM
Replies (31-40):
paganbaby
by Teflon Don on Jan. 25, 2013 at 2:39 PM

Thanks for the affirmation :-)

She tells me, So and so's mom let's her stay at the park after dark! Yeah well I'm not her mother, I'm yours. Deal with it,lol.

Quoting woodswalker:

I think you are doing absolutely the right thing.   I dont understand the moms who say their kid is sneaking around doing shit and they dont know what to do about it.  Ummmm....you dont let them out of your sight for a while.  Thats what.  Be the worst mom ever .  She will thank you some day.


Lilypie - Personal pictureLilypie Breastfeeding tickers

shimmifairy
by Member on Jan. 25, 2013 at 2:39 PM
2 moms liked this

That's not called punishment, it's called parenting :)

FromAtoZ
by AllieCat on Jan. 25, 2013 at 2:39 PM


Quoting paganbaby:

She dated a boy behind my back. She told me they were just friends. Whenever she went to his house it was always as a group, or so I thought :-/

Quoting FromAtoZ:

 I did not vote, by the way.  There is not an option that I completely agree with.

Also, what do you mean she snuck a boyfriend?  


Ahhh, gotcha.

My daughter is not allowed to 'date' either.  But that does not stop them from liking a different boy each damn week. lol  There is one boy, in particular, who she really liked.  He liked her as well.  His mother and I became friends.  He could come over and hang out, his brother joined him now and again. I was pretty blunt with them both and if they crossed the line he was gone, never to return.  She never went to his house.  For what ever reason, he was here more.  That was fine by me.  They are just friends and pretty good friends.  

She isn't allowed to go out in groups yet.  I just don't see the need for it.  Yet. If she and her friends want to do any thing, I am there.  So far, no one has yet to complain and all the other mothers are on the same page.  

I see a group of kids she knows, from school, walking around the base, going to different places, every Friday night.  They have no business doing so and they have no real purpose other than walking around.  They were finally rounded up and their parents were told they need to actually be at a place with a purpose, otherwise, stay home.  I giggled.  Granted, this is on a base.

She has gone to a few JV football games with friends without me.  So, I guess, be definition, she has done a few things in groups without me.  lol  I retract. lol  During the day, however.  Not going to happen at night.  Tomorrow night the high school has their huge spirit game, basketball.  Of course she wants to go.  Great. Sounds like fun.  Guess who else is going? lol  Myself and her dad.  She can sit with her friends but she damn well knows who will be keeping an eye on her. lol

Seriously though, removing all they claim to love but fail to take care of can do a lot of good.  But not for just a few days.  They have to earn it back and that takes time and commitment.

paganbaby
by Teflon Don on Jan. 25, 2013 at 2:40 PM
1 mom liked this

:-)

I told her, you know what? I was a teenager not that long ago myself (10 years to exact) Nana was just as hard on me and I'm happy for it.

Quoting acrogodess:

Sounds reasonable to me, both as a mom and a former teen :)


Lilypie - Personal pictureLilypie Breastfeeding tickers

paganbaby
by Teflon Don on Jan. 25, 2013 at 2:49 PM


Quoting FromAtoZ:


Quoting paganbaby:

She dated a boy behind my back. She told me they were just friends. Whenever she went to his house it was always as a group, or so I thought :-/

Quoting FromAtoZ:

 I did not vote, by the way.  There is not an option that I completely agree with.

Also, what do you mean she snuck a boyfriend?  


Ahhh, gotcha.

My daughter is not allowed to 'date' either.  But that does not stop them from liking a different boy each damn week. lol  There is one boy, in particular, who she really liked.  He liked her as well.  His mother and I became friends.  He could come over and hang out, his brother joined him now and again. I was pretty blunt with them both and if they crossed the line he was gone, never to return.  She never went to his house.  For what ever reason, he was here more.  That was fine by me.  They are just friends and pretty good friends.  

She isn't allowed to go out in groups yet.  I just don't see the need for it.  Yet. If she and her friends want to do any thing, I am there.  So far, no one has yet to complain and all the other mothers are on the same page.  

I see a group of kids she knows, from school, walking around the base, going to different places, every Friday night.  They have no business doing so and they have no real purpose other than walking around.  They were finally rounded up and their parents were told they need to actually be at a place with a purpose, otherwise, stay home.  I giggled.  Granted, this is on a base.

She has gone to a few JV football games with friends without me.  So, I guess, be definition, she has done a few things in groups without me.  lol  I retract. lol  During the day, however.  Not going to happen at night.  Tomorrow night the high school has their huge spirit game, basketball.  Of course she wants to go.  Great. Sounds like fun.  Guess who else is going? lol  Myself and her dad.  She can sit with her friends but she damn well knows who will be keeping an eye on her. lol

Seriously though, removing all they claim to love but fail to take care of can do a lot of good.  But not for just a few days.  They have to earn it back and that takes time and commitment.

I find myself liking you more and more,lol. I have a concern though.

I worry that by "babysitting" her so much right now that she won't learn how to self regulate later. As my mom reminded me, in a short 5 years she'll be an adult. That's a seriously scary thought to me. She's sooo naive. I'm afraid that if I do give her freedom down the road to date, go places without supervision (I'm thinking 16 or so) she'll end up pregnant or worse :-( I want to teach her responsibility now but I'm not sure how. My dd doesn't exactly have an abundance of common sense...

Lilypie - Personal pictureLilypie Breastfeeding tickers

tambrathegreat
by on Jan. 25, 2013 at 3:51 PM

Nope, it's not too harsh at all. She chose to break the rules, now she has to pay the consequences.

thecoffeefairy
by Bronze Member on Jan. 25, 2013 at 3:55 PM
When I punish my teen, she loses everything.no iPhone, computer, boys or extracurricular activities. The chores double and she can kiss allowance good bye. I start with a week. I've only had to punish her twice and she will be 17 in feb.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
radioheid
by Libertarian on Jan. 25, 2013 at 4:09 PM
2 moms liked this

 So was I. Oh, some of the shenanigans I pulled... I think the worst was getting the police called when I was 15 for skipping school at a friend's house (along with 15 other teens) while smoking pot and watching old school 70s porn. Honestly, though, I think the look on my mother's face, the total shame and mortification upon learning what I had done, was enough to straighten me out. I really didn't do much after that for a couple of years, and nothing else comparable. My folks cut me off from the world for about 3 months after that, and to this day, 15 years later, I haven't been allowed to live that stunt down.

Quoting Veni.Vidi.Vici.:

I call these consequences.

FB would be gone, too.

IMO this is pretty typical behavior for early teen girls. I was hell on wheels from 13-18.

 


"Roger that. Over."

R   A   D    I    O    H    E    I    D

Lovemybabyboy09
by on Jan. 25, 2013 at 4:12 PM
Tell her it'll go on until her 18th birthday.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
radioheid
by Libertarian on Jan. 25, 2013 at 4:16 PM

Also, let me add, I think the punishment fits the crime. My only suggestion, which is of course just a suggestion based on my own opinion/life experience, is to perhaps go a little lax on the dating. I wasn't allowed to date until I was 16, and only after my parents met the boy and his parents. This was unrealistic. Not the part about meeting the boy and his parents---that's fine, and I had no problem with my folks meeting Corey and his mom (my first serious boyfriend), but the 16 age requirement was a little unreasonable. We usually start taking note of people we're attracted to between 12 and 14, so I think it is perfectly acceptable for a 13-year old to date, providing you've met the kid and his/her parent(s), and have arranged for the dates to be chaparoned until the kid reaches an age at which you're comfortable cutting him or her loose (for me this would be 16).  I had several boyfriends my parents didn't know about. One of them is now my (soon-to-be-ex) husband. Secrets are NEVER a good thing.


"Roger that. Over."

R   A   D    I    O    H    E    I    D

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