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A Personal Account. I was bullied

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When I was seven we moved to Florida. No, really, this story started before that. I won't say I made my social life easy on myself. I was insulated as a child. Kept in a perfect little bubble, cherished almost to the point of worship. I believed the hype. Maybe this story started before I was even born. Started with my parents or grandparents. Maybe it was fate. I don't know. 


The first time a kid teased me, really teased me was for eating a bell pepper. It was icky, I was weird with my hippified name, long hair and veggies. No one played with me for a week. I was 5 and I didn't tell my parents. I don't know why but it was embarrassing. Very light snow, the girls dark hair, her eyes. Was her name Kelly? I wanted to be her friend. crying. It got better. My school was small. One of the yard mom's noticed, I think, suddenly I was playing with the boys, her boys and I liked boys. Boys made sense. Throw the ball catch it, tag you're it. If you're the only girl they let you explain the rules. The girls got over it. 
Then we moved, like I said. You can't pick up where you left off when you move. I "talked funny" in the south. I said "yous guys" and not 'ya'll' worse boys didn't play with girls in Florida. The girl I rode to school with was mean, she was laughing about me to the other girls and suddenly I was nobody.

It doesn't really matter what was said, who said it. I learned with time that I was just as bad. I couldn't trust I couldn't forgive. I started crying at the drop of a hat. I was a mess. 
The worst part was my family. They didn't know what to do. My parents were cool when they were kids. They told me so. They hung out with people older than them, rode their bikes around town. I knew in my heart that it killed them that nobody liked me. I started crying at night. 

In the 4th grade I started chewing off the ends of my hair. Perfect, straight lines as short as I could get it. I would twirl my hair sometimes it would get stuck and pull out. My parents noticed all the extra hair around the house. I was told to stop cutting my hair. My dad laughed when he found out I was chewing it off but not for long. I started getting in trouble.

This entire time my grades were terrible. I didn't turn in homework, I didn't read except what I wanted (which was always the wrong thing. KIDS JUDGE YOU FOR WHAT YOU BUY IN THE SCHOOLASTIC!!) I played alone at recess. I lied all the time to my parents. I cried when I had to do homework. I was always grounded. ALWAYS grounded because of school. I didn't see my friends on the street. 

It's so lonely and quiet.  But I'm good about it and I'm good about helping around the house. I do my penance for being an absolute disappointment. Maybe if I had a trapper keeper or a Yikes pencil. Everything feels like rain. 
It rains and rains and rains. Summer is really like a golden time. My friend Meagan comes to visit her grandmother and we swim. We play. We stand up every time "Kiss from a Rose on the Grave" plays on WAPE (the only station we can get on the crappy little radio in the back room.) I'm not grounded. School is so far away. Meagan is weird too. My sister is nice when she's not at school. I can't taint her with my uncoolness. I always feel responsible if some one is mean to her and it makes me mean. For three months every year I can breath.  

School. I read the books on the reading list no one else read. There are kids who might be my friends, would be my friends but I don't trust them. I don't fail the 5th grade. My mom holds me back. No one warned me. I stare at the check next to "not promoted" and cry. I pretty much have no dignity left.
I overheard my mom and I think my grandmother. I don't remember really except that my mom hoped that it would be better after she held me back. Maybe I'm remembering a lot of arguments but I think my grandmother wanted me to go to a different school. My mom really thinks a different group of kids will be better. Maybe they will be.

On the first day of my second year of 5th grade Sister Valarie has me stand up with the new kids. "Sorcha is not new. She did not move on to the 6th grade. She is repeating the 5th grade." Kill me. Kill me now. RIGHT Now. 

I start pulling my hair out.

Sister pretty much points out my every failure to the entire class. Every day my name is written on the board. I don't go to recess. EVERY DAY SUCKS!!

To be fair. I probably could have had friends. Instead I got into fights. Well more fights. I started fighting in the 3rd grade (the one and only apology I got for being teased was from the first kid I hit. His name was Eric, he was, well, bullied into bullying me. It made me so made I shoved him. Parents were called and for some reason this kid was honest. I'm pretty sure his mom flipped out on him. He cried when he apologized. We didn't talk again.) I got into at least on fight a year until my first 5th grade year. I don't remember how many fights I got into. 

I pulled all the hair out from my ears down in 6th grade. Julie saw it over Christmas break and told me to hide it. I think Isis told. Anyway my dad saw it and cried and yelled. I don't remember what my mom did or said. I didn't pay attention to her because I couldn't handle the guilt she felt. The sadness and stress I caused.

I didn't  try to make friends but I found some by the end of 6th grade. By 7th grade we were enemies  They wanted me to be mean to another girl to basically "break up" with her. They had reasons why we shouldn't be friends with her.  To be honest, some of them were pretty accurate. She wasn't my favorite person. I tried to reason. We would go on summer break in a few weeks. After that 8th grade, then graduation. No way she'll go to Kenny. No need to worry about it. The didn't let it go. I refused.
The next day after school another girl (not the ones who's idea it was mind you, they were standing to the side laughing) broke up with both of us. She told me I was a loose, I was weird and that they never liked me. All the things I was supposed to be saying. 

I cried. I didn't want to. I couldn't help it. My grandfather, the person I wanted least to disappoint in the world came to pick me up that day. He walked up on the entire thing. The other girls laughing, my crying. He was so made and for some reason I thought he was mad at me. 

Worse the entire family had to talk about it. My mom called their moms. My dad had me prank call their houses and I laughed with him but it didn't help. Everybody stared the next day at school. We got sent to the principle's office. I explained (in a barely controlled rage -seriously I should have been locked up) what happened. Now they were crying. Now I was mean. I threatened them. Sister Josephine, that wonderful, wonderful woman, asked me why I wanted to be friends with them anyway. She said they were beneath me intellectually and that I didn't belong with them. In front of them. So wrong but it felt so good. I hated them for crying. My mom was off the handle mad. 

I didn't realize it but I was at a turning point. The day I had the chance to join in I didn't. I made a choice. Maybe that was what I needed. It didn't get better over night I was still mad, still hurt, pretty damaged to be honest. I had an identity. 

I don't know maybe I never would have been the girl, standing there. Saying things I didn't want to say. Maybe it was being bullied that made me so determined to no be that girl.

My daughter's preschool had a rule. Everyone is friends. I hate that rule. It's the worst rule I've ever heard. It's a lie and adults shouldn't lie to little kids.
Trust me I know. Not everyone is friends. Sometimes no matter how hard you try you can't be friends with some one. In fact, sometimes you shouldn't be friends with everyone. I don't want that for my daughters. Trust schools to find the only standard more impossible and damaging than every fashion magazine combined. We're all friends. Except when we're not. I hope my daughters can identify who's worthy of their friendship and who isn't. I don't want them to think something is wrong with them when they aren't liked. I don't want them to take every friendship that's offered. I want them to be cool and popular. I want the other kids to want to be friends with them. I want them to float in the bliss of middle school popularity. I don't want popularity to matter to them. I want them to be independent, thoughtful, mature. My mom might have wanted the same things. It's a Rolling Stones song.

I wanted to post this in current events because bullying is such a huge issue. It's not a confession. It is what it is. It happened. Share you're feelings and stories too. 

by on Jan. 28, 2013 at 9:27 PM
Replies (21-30):
TexanMomOf6
by on Jan. 29, 2013 at 2:33 PM
1 mom liked this

Example: 3rd grade boy would knock girls down on the playground and "hump" them, he would stand on lunchroom tables and throw food and yell...this is all I saw but I only had him for one class a day. But here's the kicker: Dad was told about it, he dismissed it. Grandma worked in the lunchroom and denied it ever happening. I had my nephew in one of the classes. He was not in control of himself at all. Getting up, leaning over people, typing vulgar words onto other kids computers, etc. When I wrote him up for his actions (I don't play favorites) his Mom got mad at ME!!! He didn't get into trouble at all. SHE requested a class change!

One of the other posters in here was excusing bullying behaviour as "kids will be kids". If her kids were being bullys do you think she would see it as bullying?

It is wrong to require everyone to be friends. Adults aren't friends with everyone they meet!!  I would change that to telling them it is ok not to like someone. If they don't like them they don't have to be around them.  It is Forced Integration not Socialization.


Quoting Maevelyn:

Do you feel, working in public school, that it's typical that parents don't recognize their kid is being a bully? My kids go to a good school but I hate the expectation that everyone should be friends. I realize they're  trying to avoid bullying but it's not a reasonable expectation. The fact is you don't have to like everyone but you do have to be kind to everyone. 

Quoting TexanMomOf6:

Your story sounds so familiar. I, too, was bullied. I had a hard time verbalising and looking at people. I said the wrong thing a lot. Still do.

It seems to me that the ones who excuse the bullying behaviour were, ARE the same bully they were in school. They just get sneakier and nastier.

I worked in public school and have a DD that teaches high school. Bullying is only getting worse. I only have one child left at home and he will be homeschooled just like my older kids. I don't plan on isolating him at all. He will be involved in several activities. I will be in the background for support, not interference. Think of it this way: you don't just jump off the high dive without learning how to swim do you?

All my kids are very successful in life. 2 in college (Welding Engineer and Pre-Med), 1 teacher, 1 Navy Seal, 1 security guard and locksmith (ex Army). None are socially inept.

I would suggest looking into Homeschooling. It can be as cheap or as expensive as you make it. You can do it all on your own or do it completely on-line with certified teachers.

It only takes a second for a school situation to become bad. It's that peer pressure thing.




Maevelyn
by Member on Jan. 29, 2013 at 2:37 PM

Well, he's going to be a fun teen. I don't know what I would do if my kid acted like that but I would do what ever it took to stop him. One of the kids took my notebook, wrote "bitch" on it, put it in my desk and then told on me. Luckily, our teacher wasn't dumb and he had almost illegible hand writing. 

Quoting TexanMomOf6:

Example: 3rd grade boy would knock girls down on the playground and "hump" them, he would stand on lunchroom tables and throw food and yell...this is all I saw but I only had him for one class a day. But here's the kicker: Dad was told about it, he dismissed it. Grandma worked in the lunchroom and denied it ever happening. I had my nephew in one of the classes. He was not in control of himself at all. Getting up, leaning over people, typing vulgar words onto other kids computers, etc. When I wrote him up for his actions (I don't play favorites) his Mom got mad at ME!!! He didn't get into trouble at all. SHE requested a class change!

One of the other posters in here was excusing bullying behaviour as "kids will be kids". If her kids were being bullys do you think she would see it as bullying?

It is wrong to require everyone to be friends. Adults aren't friends with everyone they meet!!  I would change that to telling them it is ok not to like someone. If they don't like them they don't have to be around them.  It is Forced Integration not Socialization.


Quoting Maevelyn:

Do you feel, working in public school, that it's typical that parents don't recognize their kid is being a bully? My kids go to a good school but I hate the expectation that everyone should be friends. I realize they're  trying to avoid bullying but it's not a reasonable expectation. The fact is you don't have to like everyone but you do have to be kind to everyone. 

Quoting TexanMomOf6:

Your story sounds so familiar. I, too, was bullied. I had a hard time verbalising and looking at people. I said the wrong thing a lot. Still do.

It seems to me that the ones who excuse the bullying behaviour were, ARE the same bully they were in school. They just get sneakier and nastier.

I worked in public school and have a DD that teaches high school. Bullying is only getting worse. I only have one child left at home and he will be homeschooled just like my older kids. I don't plan on isolating him at all. He will be involved in several activities. I will be in the background for support, not interference. Think of it this way: you don't just jump off the high dive without learning how to swim do you?

All my kids are very successful in life. 2 in college (Welding Engineer and Pre-Med), 1 teacher, 1 Navy Seal, 1 security guard and locksmith (ex Army). None are socially inept.

I would suggest looking into Homeschooling. It can be as cheap or as expensive as you make it. You can do it all on your own or do it completely on-line with certified teachers.

It only takes a second for a school situation to become bad. It's that peer pressure thing.





polyhymia
by Member on Jan. 29, 2013 at 2:38 PM
2 moms liked this


Maevelyn, I am glad that your parents were with you.  I got a lot of Jesus talk to, but it was more to defend the others I think. I did have a few random kind words that have really helped me out though. One day when i was walking through a  store with my dads ex girlfriend (the one who was involved with the abuse and neglect) a woman walked up to me, smiled and said everything will be alright. On a separate occasion I was at a hospital and a man walked up and said " you know you are as precious today as the day you were born, and you are loved very much?" I don't know either of these people but I try to do what they did and just say something nice to people. I don't care who, but if I can tell something is wrong I try to say something to make thems smile.

Quoting Maevelyn:

That's just rediculous. You went through a lot!! I'm sorry but your parents sound like they weren't really with it. 

Quoting survivorinohio:

My parents did not have my back.  I was told that Jesus turned the other cheek and that thats what I was to do.

Quoting Maevelyn:

Wow that's terrrible. I can't imagine if my parents hadn't had my back. I was really lucky in that reguard. Hugs!!

Quoting polyhymia:

Thank you for sharing, and I am sorry you went through that. 

When I was in 7th grade I moved to a new county. I guess I was like a new toy or something and somewhat foreign looking so I got a lot of attention(unwanted) from boys. Their girlfriends were horrible to me because of this.I was not used to attention like that and really had just moved away from an abusinve and neglectful home. I hated myself and had no voice. One day I sat on a different seat on the bus and a large group of people clapped and cheered. To make things worse I had a different idea on "dating" than everyone else. I thought we were too young to "be serious". Funny that things like that are an issue at that age? To make things worse, my parents did absolutely nothing to help me when it came to either the bullying or sexual harassment. At one point a neighborhood boy who was maybe 2 years older than me grabbed my hair and wiped his stuff out. I told him I would bite it off and he let go. i got pretty mean to boys ( I had been for awhile, but this was a tipping point). I tried to talk to my step mom about it but she just asked if I though I should be put on birth control. My family was completely unsupporting and just made it out like I was a slut who deserved it. So eventually I got "serious" with a boyfriend and since i was already accused of having sex I did (8th grade). I did get lucky overall though. Even though I did in fact have sex and even became a teen parent, I rebelled their idea that I was a slut and didn't sleep around, my number remains 1 (in yo face stepmom) nor or get stds, etc.I have had one boyfriend, now husband for the past 8 years. I am much better now, but I am still depressed and when I see those people who were really involved I hate that I live in a small town. 






survivorinohio
by René on Jan. 29, 2013 at 2:45 PM
1 mom liked this

lol you have no idea lol.  It got worse.

I am happy to say that my mother and I made peace before she died but I still get angry at her from time to time.  May not be right of me but its true.

Quoting Maevelyn:

That's just rediculous. You went through a lot!! I'm sorry but your parents sound like they weren't really with it. 

Quoting survivorinohio:

My parents did not have my back.  I was told that Jesus turned the other cheek and that thats what I was to do.

Quoting Maevelyn:

Wow that's terrrible. I can't imagine if my parents hadn't had my back. I was really lucky in that reguard. Hugs!!

Quoting polyhymia:

Thank you for sharing, and I am sorry you went through that. 

When I was in 7th grade I moved to a new county. I guess I was like a new toy or something and somewhat foreign looking so I got a lot of attention(unwanted) from boys. Their girlfriends were horrible to me because of this.I was not used to attention like that and really had just moved away from an abusinve and neglectful home. I hated myself and had no voice. One day I sat on a different seat on the bus and a large group of people clapped and cheered. To make things worse I had a different idea on "dating" than everyone else. I thought we were too young to "be serious". Funny that things like that are an issue at that age? To make things worse, my parents did absolutely nothing to help me when it came to either the bullying or sexual harassment. At one point a neighborhood boy who was maybe 2 years older than me grabbed my hair and wiped his stuff out. I told him I would bite it off and he let go. i got pretty mean to boys ( I had been for awhile, but this was a tipping point). I tried to talk to my step mom about it but she just asked if I though I should be put on birth control. My family was completely unsupporting and just made it out like I was a slut who deserved it. So eventually I got "serious" with a boyfriend and since i was already accused of having sex I did (8th grade). I did get lucky overall though. Even though I did in fact have sex and even became a teen parent, I rebelled their idea that I was a slut and didn't sleep around, my number remains 1 (in yo face stepmom) nor or get stds, etc.I have had one boyfriend, now husband for the past 8 years. I am much better now, but I am still depressed and when I see those people who were really involved I hate that I live in a small town. 





How far you go in life depends on your being: tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving and tolerant of both the weak and strong.  Because someday in life you would have been one or all of these.  GeorgeWashingtonCarver


kaffedrikke
by Bronze Member on Jan. 29, 2013 at 2:46 PM

I was bullied big time in Junior high and high school.  It continued into my adult life which has made me a bit of a bitch.  I'm probably over protective of my kids, especially my daughter who is in school.  My big regret is that I never fought back, I would just accept it when other people were nasty and cruel.  Now I understand about the everyone is friends rule, it just doesn't work in the real world.  I'd rather the school say, everyone is respectful.

db1au
by Member on Jan. 29, 2013 at 3:04 PM
2 moms liked this

I am teaching my daughter that some people will like you and others will not and that's ok.  You will not like everyone either and that's ok.  Its fine to distance yourself from people that make you feel uncomfortable.   I also tell her, to treat others the way she would like to be treated.   I've also told her that no one has the right to be mean to her.  If others are mistreating her, she needs to find ways to resolve the problem.  The last resort will be to fight back, but that better be the last resort. 

Arroree
by Ruby Member on Jan. 29, 2013 at 3:24 PM
2 moms liked this


My sons school doesn't insist they all be friends but it does insist that all children speak to eachother and treat eachother with respect and kindness. They haven't had a single report of bullying all year and rarely do since they implemented their respect rules a few years back. It's now the best school in the city and people get on lists to get their kids in if they don't live in the district.

Quoting Maevelyn:

Do you feel, working in public school, that it's typical that parents don't recognize their kid is being a bully? My kids go to a good school but I hate the expectation that everyone should be friends. I realize they're  trying to avoid bullying but it's not a reasonable expectation. The fact is you don't have to like everyone but you do have to be kind to everyone. 

Stephanie329
by Platinum Member on Jan. 29, 2013 at 3:46 PM
3 moms liked this
It's not bullying and builds character.

I'm trying to let that sink in. It's not happening.


Quoting ReadWriteLuv:

I don't see those things a bullying. I don't think you were bullied, I think that is just kids doing what they do. Kids are means little shits to each other, it builds character. I went through the same stuff. I went to school on days when NO ONE would talk to me, but everyone would talk about me and leave nasty notes and crap in my locker. I once got a note signed by half of the girls in my class telling me they all hated me in the 6th grade. In the 8th grade it was worse because the threats of physical violence started too. I never once thought I was bullied, and I don't see those things as being "bullied" now. Those things built character and let me learn how to deal with adversity. 

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Stephanie329
by Platinum Member on Jan. 29, 2013 at 3:48 PM
1 mom liked this
It makes me wonder how she'll handle bullying with her kids when she thinks there is no such thing.

Quoting GLWerth:

My guess, then, is that you're one of those people who thinks there is no bullying anywhere. That everyone just needs to accept that some kids are going to be sick at the thought of going to school every day, that getting punched in the stomach every morning is just "part of being a kid".




Quoting ReadWriteLuv:


I don't see those things a bullying. I don't think you were bullied, I think that is just kids doing what they do. Kids are means little shits to each other, it builds character. I went through the same stuff. I went to school on days when NO ONE would talk to me, but everyone would talk about me and leave nasty notes and crap in my locker. I once got a note signed by half of the girls in my class telling me they all hated me in the 6th grade. In the 8th grade it was worse because the threats of physical violence started too. I never once thought I was bullied, and I don't see those things as being "bullied" now. Those things built character and let me learn how to deal with adversity. 




 

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GLWerth
by Gina on Jan. 29, 2013 at 6:06 PM

My best guess is that she'll say: "No, of course my little Billy is not a bully. That other child is just being oversensitive! Boys will be boys!" 


Quoting Stephanie329:

It makes me wonder how she'll handle bullying with her kids when she thinks there is no such thing.

Quoting GLWerth:

My guess, then, is that you're one of those people who thinks there is no bullying anywhere. That everyone just needs to accept that some kids are going to be sick at the thought of going to school every day, that getting punched in the stomach every morning is just "part of being a kid".


 


Quoting ReadWriteLuv:


I don't see those things a bullying. I don't think you were bullied, I think that is just kids doing what they do. Kids are means little shits to each other, it builds character. I went through the same stuff. I went to school on days when NO ONE would talk to me, but everyone would talk about me and leave nasty notes and crap in my locker. I once got a note signed by half of the girls in my class telling me they all hated me in the 6th grade. In the 8th grade it was worse because the threats of physical violence started too. I never once thought I was bullied, and I don't see those things as being "bullied" now. Those things built character and let me learn how to deal with adversity. 


 


 


 

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