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Help! Not a debate. Child care help.

Posted by on Jan. 30, 2013 at 6:16 PM
  • 45 Replies
1 mom liked this

We are in the process of hiring a live in nanny. I really need input!

Do you invite/expect your nanny to join you for meals?

Do hours have to be designated?

Should she have to tell us where she's going in our car? Should we even ask?

Is it unreasonable to ask her to keep her room tidy and presentable?

These are questions I struggle with.

by on Jan. 30, 2013 at 6:16 PM
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Replies (1-10):
sherry132
by Silver Member on Jan. 30, 2013 at 6:19 PM

 I know absolutely nothing about nanny's here is a bump for you.

iamcafemom83
by Bronze Member on Jan. 30, 2013 at 6:20 PM
Bump
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
candlegal
by Judy on Jan. 30, 2013 at 6:24 PM

Don't know either, are you using an agency?

cjsbmom
by Lois Lane on Jan. 30, 2013 at 6:25 PM
3 moms liked this

We don't have a nanny, but here are my thoughts on it.

I would invite her to join you for meals, but let her know she is free to eat whatever and whenever she chooses. I'd make sure she knows the kitchen is available to her at all times.

I would absolutely designate working hours for her. Just because she's on site doesn't mean she should be 24/7 childcare. If you expect that, you need to tell her and you should pay her a hell of a lot of money to be on call 24/7.

If she's taking your car for personal reasons, then yes, I think she should have to not only ask you to use it, but tell you where she's going. Now, if she's taking the kids somewhere in it, I'm assuming you'd know where she was going with them.

The room is off limits. It's her personal space. You probably should not be going into it unless there is a maintenance issue. Because she is living in your home, she needs at least one room that is all hers. Unless she's doing something illegal in there (like smoking dope or doing drugs), then I'd say that room should always be off limits to you.

katy_kay08
by on Jan. 30, 2013 at 6:25 PM
2 moms liked this

check your state's laws regarding hours.  

Veni.Vidi.Vici.
by on Jan. 30, 2013 at 6:27 PM


Quoting candlegal:

Don't know either, are you using an agency?

No. I do have all of the proper documents to do a thorough background check including finger prints.


Veni.Vidi.Vici.
by on Jan. 30, 2013 at 6:27 PM


Quoting cjsbmom:

The room is off limits. It's her personal space. You probably should not be going into it unless there is a maintenance issue. Because she is living in your home, she needs at least one room that is all hers. Unless she's doing something illegal in there (like smoking dope or doing drugs), then I'd say that room should always be off limits to you.

Thanks for input!

candlegal
by Judy on Jan. 30, 2013 at 6:29 PM
2 moms liked this

I was going to suggest calling a couple of  agencies and let them know you are looking for a nanny and ask them about these things.   You don't have to tell them you aren't planning on going through an agency.

Quoting Veni.Vidi.Vici.:


Quoting candlegal:

Don't know either, are you using an agency?

No. I do have all of the proper documents to do a thorough background check including finger prints.


cjsbmom
by Lois Lane on Jan. 30, 2013 at 6:31 PM

 That's a good idea.

Quoting candlegal:

I was going to suggest calling a couple of  agencies and let them know you are looking for a nanny and ask them about these things.   You don't have to tell them you aren't planning on going through an agency.

Quoting Veni.Vidi.Vici.:


Quoting candlegal:

Don't know either, are you using an agency?

No. I do have all of the proper documents to do a thorough background check including finger prints.


 

illinoismommy83
by Bronze Member on Jan. 30, 2013 at 6:32 PM
2 moms liked this

I used to be a live-in nanny when I was 20 and I had a lot of nanny friends. We all had the same complaints.

You need to give your nanny some space if you want to keep her long term. Invite her to meals, but don't mandate it. Hours MUST be designated or you will abuse the shit out of your nanny. I know you may not mean to abuse her, but she needs set time OFF and no, you cannot run to the store for 5 min during her day off and leave the child home without paying her extra in cash that day.

Set hours. Pay extra for extra time. Don't be in her business. If she can use your car during off time then she can use your car, period. If you need to know that she is going to the store for tampons then simply say she can't use the car during non-work hours. She is not your petulant teen daughter - she is your employee. And yes, you have no right to say how she keeps her living space. You have no business in her room. She is basically renting the room and you are the landlord. She can (and will, and should) keep her door closed because that is HER space.

She is going to join your family and she is going to fall in love in love with your child, but she is NOT your child and you need to treat her like a grown woman who has full freedom during her off hours. 

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