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Help! Not a debate. Child care help.

We are in the process of hiring a live in nanny. I really need input!

Do you invite/expect your nanny to join you for meals?

Do hours have to be designated?

Should she have to tell us where she's going in our car? Should we even ask?

Is it unreasonable to ask her to keep her room tidy and presentable?

These are questions I struggle with.

by on Jan. 30, 2013 at 6:16 PM
Replies (11-20):
Veni.Vidi.Vici.
by on Jan. 30, 2013 at 6:32 PM


Quoting candlegal:

I was going to suggest calling a couple of  agencies and let them know you are looking for a nanny and ask them about these things.   You don't have to tell them you aren't planning on going through an agency.

Quoting Veni.Vidi.Vici.:


Quoting candlegal:

Don't know either, are you using an agency?

No. I do have all of the proper documents to do a thorough background check including finger prints.


There are a lot of guidelines on the sites I've looked at. I have two interviews coming up. Some of the girls I've met seem like they need a lot of guidance so I guess I'm wondering where to draw the line if that makes sense.


Veni.Vidi.Vici.
by on Jan. 30, 2013 at 6:34 PM


Quoting illinoismommy83:

I used to be a live-in nanny when I was 20 and I had a lot of nanny friends. We all had the same complaints.

You need to give your nanny some space if you want to keep her long term. Invite her to meals, but don't mandate it. Hours MUST be designated or you will abuse the shit out of your nanny. I know you may not mean to abuse her, but she needs set time OFF and no, you cannot run to the store for 5 min during her day off and leave the child home without paying her extra in cash that day.

Set hours. Pay extra for extra time. Don't be in her business. If she can use your car during off time then she can use your car, period. If you need to know that she is going to the store for tampons then simply say she can't use the car during non-work hours. She is not your petulant teen daughter - she is your employee. And yes, you have no right to say how she keeps her living space. You have no business in her room. She is basically renting the room and you are the landlord. She can (and will, and should) keep her door closed because that is HER space.

She is going to join your family and she is going to fall in love in love with your child, but she is NOT your child and you need to treat her like a grown woman who has full freedom during her off hours. 

Thanks for the input!

Euphoric
by Thumper kid spanks on Jan. 30, 2013 at 9:29 PM

 bump

LauraKW
by "Dude!" on Jan. 30, 2013 at 9:38 PM
Fantastic, well thought out response.

Quoting illinoismommy83:

I used to be a live-in nanny when I was 20 and I had a lot of nanny friends. We all had the same complaints.

You need to give your nanny some space if you want to keep her long term. Invite her to meals, but don't mandate it. Hours MUST be designated or you will abuse the shit out of your nanny. I know you may not mean to abuse her, but she needs set time OFF and no, you cannot run to the store for 5 min during her day off and leave the child home without paying her extra in cash that day.

Set hours. Pay extra for extra time. Don't be in her business. If she can use your car during off time then she can use your car, period. If you need to know that she is going to the store for tampons then simply say she can't use the car during non-work hours. She is not your petulant teen daughter - she is your employee. And yes, you have no right to say how she keeps her living space. You have no business in her room. She is basically renting the room and you are the landlord. She can (and will, and should) keep her door closed because that is HER space.

She is going to join your family and she is going to fall in love in love with your child, but she is NOT your child and you need to treat her like a grown woman who has full freedom during her off hours. 

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Imacakebaker
by on Jan. 30, 2013 at 9:41 PM

Do you invite/expect your nanny to join you for meals?  I would invite her, but not expect her to all the time.

Do hours have to be designated?  Yes, but ask if she can be flexible if things come up.

Should she have to tell us where she's going in our car? Should we even ask? Is it a car for her use, and for her to drive your children?  As long as she doesn't abuse it, I'd trust her.

Is it unreasonable to ask her to keep her room tidy and presentable? Yeah.  Her space.


Just be clear what you expect, how you like things done, what your children need. 

pittawadda
by Bronze Member on Jan. 30, 2013 at 9:46 PM

We had an AuPair for awhile then my father. 


Quoting Veni.Vidi.Vici.:

We are in the process of hiring a live in nanny. I really need input!

Do you invite/expect your nanny to join you for meals?

We invited her up but didn't expect her. We asked her if she wanted to ever cook. She was excited to. But in the end she wasn't cut out for this job. We have 3 kids and it was to much for her. She didn't really know how to cook and the hours were too long. 

Do hours have to be designated?

The rule with the agency was no more than 45 hrs/ week with at least 1.5 days off/wk and 2 days off a month in a row (like fri night and sat but could work sun) and no more than 10 hrs a day. Those were the paramters. 

We kept it at 9 hrs a day M-F and only chnaged it if we wanted time away on the weekend and could wing it.

Should she have to tell us where she's going in our car? Should we even ask?

That is up to you. We had the rule that she was free to use our car after she got her US license. We wanted to know where she was going and asked her to text when she got there (out of safety). We didn't care about curfew but made the rule that if it became an issue we would bring it up. We also had a weekly meeting on Fridays to discuss how things were going. 

Is it unreasonable to ask her to keep her room tidy and presentable?

Yes. It is their personal space. Also they do their own laundry. It may be tough but honestly it is their area.  It is only an issue if it becomes a health risk and like you start getting mice or something. We made sure there was a bed, a dresser and we provided her with a laundry basket and even a small bookshelf. There was a closet in there too. We also had a spare alarm clock and a small lamp. 

We asked if she wanted a lock on the door. It's hard when they live here.

MY aunt who also had an aupair asked their's to leave the door open. This was to make sure the AuPair didn't get too secluded. 

But if your nanny is American that may not be a concern. 

These are questions I struggle with.



pittawadda
by Bronze Member on Jan. 30, 2013 at 9:47 PM

Also if hours will be changing, try to have the schedule done 2 weeks in advance and talk to him/ her about changes and what they are okay with. Are they okay with a week in advance change?

pittawadda
by Bronze Member on Jan. 30, 2013 at 9:49 PM

Also we did allow use of the car during off hours and added her to our insurance. But the rule was simple. No out of city driving and only one person allowed in the car and must ask in advance. 

Veni.Vidi.Vici.
by on Jan. 30, 2013 at 10:14 PM


Quoting pittawadda:

Also we did allow use of the car during off hours and added her to our insurance. But the rule was simple. No out of city driving and only one person allowed in the car and must ask in advance. 

One of the things I will be clear about is the car is for her personal use when she isn't working. I don't want any one in the car that isn't a member of our family. My reason is simply an insurance issue. If she gets into a auto accident I don't want to be resposnible for other people within the vehicle. All fo the girls I'm considering are fairly local and American.

As far as weekends are concerned we tell everyone we don't require weekends but that we will ask and pay extra. She can decline.


pittawadda
by Bronze Member on Jan. 30, 2013 at 10:45 PM
1 mom liked this

I think you can add her on your insurance for just working hours, I'm not sure. 

And yeah just make it very clear that the car is for your children and work only. 

Good Luck!


Quoting Veni.Vidi.Vici.:


Quoting pittawadda:

Also we did allow use of the car during off hours and added her to our insurance. But the rule was simple. No out of city driving and only one person allowed in the car and must ask in advance. 

One of the things I will be clear about is the car is for her personal use when she isn't working. I don't want any one in the car that isn't a member of our family. My reason is simply an insurance issue. If she gets into a auto accident I don't want to be resposnible for other people within the vehicle. All fo the girls I'm considering are fairly local and American.

As far as weekends are concerned we tell everyone we don't require weekends but that we will ask and pay extra. She can decline.



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