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Help! Not a debate. Child care help.

We are in the process of hiring a live in nanny. I really need input!

Do you invite/expect your nanny to join you for meals?

Do hours have to be designated?

Should she have to tell us where she's going in our car? Should we even ask?

Is it unreasonable to ask her to keep her room tidy and presentable?

These are questions I struggle with.

by on Jan. 30, 2013 at 6:16 PM
Replies (21-30):
by Whoopie on Jan. 30, 2013 at 10:47 PM

We had an au pair for a while in the 80s- We were not happy with the situation as our girl, who was 20, was like having another kid... A new baby and a young adult , no thanks.

by on Jan. 30, 2013 at 10:49 PM

Quoting pittawadda:

I think you can add her on your insurance for just working hours, I'm not sure. 

And yeah just make it very clear that the car is for your children and work only. 

Good Luck!

Quoting Veni.Vidi.Vici.:

Quoting pittawadda:

Also we did allow use of the car during off hours and added her to our insurance. But the rule was simple. No out of city driving and only one person allowed in the car and must ask in advance. 

One of the things I will be clear about is the car is for her personal use when she isn't working. I don't want any one in the car that isn't a member of our family. My reason is simply an insurance issue. If she gets into a auto accident I don't want to be resposnible for other people within the vehicle. All fo the girls I'm considering are fairly local and American.

As far as weekends are concerned we tell everyone we don't require weekends but that we will ask and pay extra. She can decline.

She can use it for personal time I just don't want anyone but her in the car when she has it.

by on Jan. 30, 2013 at 10:51 PM

Quoting Sisteract:

We had an au pair for a while in the 80s- We were not happy with the situation as our girl, who was 20, was like having another kid... A new baby and a young adult , no thanks.

Most of the girls I'm interviewing are 20-22.

by Silver Member on Jan. 30, 2013 at 11:09 PM

Imo, it is not unreasonable to expect her to keep her space clean. That space is part of your house, and lawd knows you don't want mice or bugs because your nanny is a pig. 

by Silver Member on Jan. 30, 2013 at 11:34 PM

You need to list out everything! Contract what her regular schedule will be, what the house rules are, things like that.  I would not let her use the car unless it is for child care needs. Other than that, she has no need to drive your vehicle. She should have one of her own.  You need to let her know what you expect in regards to her duties. If she is going to do housework as well, etc.  Also, I would suggest you talk to whomever you hire about how they would like to handle dinner and such. Some people may enjoy eating with the family, while people like me can not eat without peace and quiet, you know?

Good luck!

by Platinum Member on Jan. 31, 2013 at 12:35 AM
1 mom liked this

I would think that it's what you want in a nanny.  Afterall, you are the Employer.  But, it's something that during the interview you & the potential nanny would just discuss.  I'm starting a nanny position very soon now.  The mom is relocating from Conn.  She has a 5 yr. old boy & alittle over 1 yr. old boy.  She is very flexible as I am too.  I'm going to her house, although she said the kids could come here too.  So, it's really kinda not like a nanny I guess.  The reason why I took this position, is because it's on 8 am - 1 pm.  M-F.  That way I have a lot of extra time to go work out at my gym.  She's paying me $400/wk.  Which I found very good! 

 I think honestly, that these questions are something you can discuss when you do your interviewing.  If I was to be a full-time nanny.  I would want my 'free time'.  Therefore, I would prefer to keep meals separate.  I would want my hours to be somewhat designated.  So, I can have 'my time'.  I don't know why she would be using your car?  Only unless it's pertains to the children.  But, yes I would want to know where someone is going in my car.  I also, would want anyone that lives in my home, to have their room somewhat tidy.  But, I feel that there's certain things that a nanny or roommate should have.  Privacy.

  So, I would just think about what I want in a nanny & ask yourself those questions.  Then, during interviewing I would just see how they feel about it.  Getting it all out in the open, before they start.

by René on Jan. 31, 2013 at 12:50 AM

I think you have gotten some good advice.  I have been a caregiver for the ederly and lived in.  I think personal space and privacy is very important,

I had access to a vehicle to use for their household transportation but I only used it a few times outside of household duty and they were need specific.  It had a 4 cylinder andf my big old conversion van used a lot of gas lol I took that car on a few short road trips, but I also used my vehicle to take the patient out as he was in a wheelchar and the van worked nicely.

I warned in another thread I would ramble a bit.  Sorry if i do.,

I agree with the ladies who said to leave the meals open but extend a welcome to the kitchen.

by Member on Jan. 31, 2013 at 12:57 AM
I lived in when I was younger.

My biggest complaint was volunteering to watch the kids during what was supposed to be an off day to be nice and then it became expected, so I was virtually on call 24 hours and felt guilty for making personal plans without checking first. That shouldn't be the way it works... They took advantage of my kindness.

So definately designate hours and do NOT pull the 'just this once' stuff... Pretend she's not even in the house if its her off time.

I had my own car so I didn't have that issue.

I kept my room immaculate because it was not my house per se.... They did NOT go in it ever.
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by Ruby Member on Jan. 31, 2013 at 1:51 AM

I would expect that the nanny is treated like family, so she would eat with the family normal meals.Now more formal families she only eats with the kids and her days off would be your family meals alone no nanny.  I think I  would prefer they had their own car. I would demand cleanliness after all she is setting an example for your children. Granted this is how an old friend handled her nanny.

by on Jan. 31, 2013 at 6:56 AM
I have no experience but here's a bump. :-) (I think it's great you've had a couple of former nannies reply.)
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