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Help! Not a debate. Child care help.

We are in the process of hiring a live in nanny. I really need input!

Do you invite/expect your nanny to join you for meals?

Do hours have to be designated?

Should she have to tell us where she's going in our car? Should we even ask?

Is it unreasonable to ask her to keep her room tidy and presentable?

These are questions I struggle with.

by on Jan. 30, 2013 at 6:16 PM
Replies (31-40):
Veni.Vidi.Vici.
by on Jan. 31, 2013 at 10:28 AM

I was a nanny 20+ years ago. There was only one family I liked and that was a single mother. The other 3 jobs I had ended after either a few weeks of a few months because I was very uncomfortable and taken advantage of. My first goal is to treat the nanny as I would like to be treated and with respect. But not everyone feels how I feel.

I have only interviewed one girl who owns her own car and there is no way I would hire her. Originally we were looking for a flexible baby sitter. I don't mind paying a person $10 hourly but almost every person I spoke with immediately asked about getting paid for sick days and insurance. Seriously? lol My mom actually suggested hiring a live in nanny. We have room.

We haven't bought a third vehicle yet, but we plan to. We feel like the car is a perk of the job and incentive. I wouldnt be opposed to hiring a nanny who has her own car, though. I would just want her to use ours when transporting the children.

Thanks for all the replies!

Naturewoman4
by Platinum Member on Jan. 31, 2013 at 10:44 AM

I completely agree.  Don't worry about posting long posts, I do it all the time.  I try to make it short, but I guess I'm just a blabber mouth.  I do talk a lot.  :)   


Quoting survivorinohio:

I think you have gotten some good advice.  I have been a caregiver for the ederly and lived in.  I think personal space and privacy is very important,

I had access to a vehicle to use for their household transportation but I only used it a few times outside of household duty and they were need specific.  It had a 4 cylinder andf my big old conversion van used a lot of gas lol I took that car on a few short road trips, but I also used my vehicle to take the patient out as he was in a wheelchar and the van worked nicely.

I warned in another thread I would ramble a bit.  Sorry if i do.,

I agree with the ladies who said to leave the meals open but extend a welcome to the kitchen.


 

survivorinohio
by René on Jan. 31, 2013 at 10:50 AM

This makes me want to go into nanny work.  I recently started allowing my sons ex to give me 5-6 bucks a shift for watching my grandson and I have guilt about it, itr was her idea..  !0 dollars an hour, wow.  I made that as a caregiver though so I guess it is an acceptable rate.  But wow.  I take care of all these kids for free except for the one

Quoting Veni.Vidi.Vici.:

I was a nanny 20+ years ago. There was only one family I liked and that was a single mother. The other 3 jobs I had ended after either a few weeks of a few months because I was very uncomfortable and taken advantage of. My first goal is to treat the nanny as I would like to be treated and with respect. But not everyone feels how I feel.

I have only interviewed one girl who owns her own car and there is no way I would hire her. Originally we were looking for a flexible baby sitter. I don't mind paying a person $10 hourly but almost every person I spoke with immediately asked about getting paid for sick days and insurance. Seriously? lol My mom actually suggested hiring a live in nanny. We have room.

We haven't bought a third vehicle yet, but we plan to. We feel like the car is a perk of the job and incentive. I wouldnt be opposed to hiring a nanny who has her own car, though. I would just want her to use ours when transporting the children.

Thanks for all the replies!


How far you go in life depends on your being: tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving and tolerant of both the weak and strong.  Because someday in life you would have been one or all of these.  GeorgeWashingtonCarver


mikiemom
by Ruby Member on Jan. 31, 2013 at 11:01 AM

 We did Au Pair in America for several years had a total of 5 different nannies - 3 for two year stretches the other two were less than a year as they didn't work out for us.

 

Quoting Veni.Vidi.Vici.:

We are in the process of hiring a live in nanny. I really need input!

Do you invite/expect your nanny to join you for meals? Expect no - invite absolutely - oh and if she / he is from a foreign country for gods sake invite her to family holiday gatherings.

Do hours have to be designated? Yes and agreed upon.

Should she have to tell us where she's going in our car? Should we even ask? Yes and limits should be agreed upon before ever handing over the keys.

Is it unreasonable to ask her to keep her room tidy and presentable? absolutely not - she / he should keep the room presentable.  - it's also acceptable to tell them to not smoke in your home or around your children.

These are questions I struggle with.

 

 

Veni.Vidi.Vici.
by on Jan. 31, 2013 at 11:27 AM


Quoting mikiemom:

 We did Au Pair in America for several years had a total of 5 different nannies - 3 for two year stretches the other two were less than a year as they didn't work out for us.


Quoting Veni.Vidi.Vici.:

We are in the process of hiring a live in nanny. I really need input!

Do you invite/expect your nanny to join you for meals? Expect no - invite absolutely - oh and if she / he is from a foreign country for gods sake invite her to family holiday gatherings.

Do hours have to be designated? Yes and agreed upon.

Should she have to tell us where she's going in our car? Should we even ask? Yes and limits should be agreed upon before ever handing over the keys.

Is it unreasonable to ask her to keep her room tidy and presentable? absolutely not - she / he should keep the room presentable.  - it's also acceptable to tell them to not smoke in your home or around your children.

These are questions I struggle with.



Why do people choose Au Pair over nanny? I never even considered an Au Pair.


mikiemom
by Ruby Member on Jan. 31, 2013 at 11:29 AM

 

We did it for the Global experience, language etc. It was really fun for DS to have an Au Pair from South Africa, Brazil, Austria, the French nanny not so much lol. Plus, I was helping a young person from another country experience the United States.

Quoting Veni.Vidi.Vici.:


Quoting mikiemom:

 We did Au Pair in America for several years had a total of 5 different nannies - 3 for two year stretches the other two were less than a year as they didn't work out for us.

 

Quoting Veni.Vidi.Vici.:

We are in the process of hiring a live in nanny. I really need input!

Do you invite/expect your nanny to join you for meals? Expect no - invite absolutely - oh and if she / he is from a foreign country for gods sake invite her to family holiday gatherings.

Do hours have to be designated? Yes and agreed upon.

Should she have to tell us where she's going in our car? Should we even ask? Yes and limits should be agreed upon before ever handing over the keys.

Is it unreasonable to ask her to keep her room tidy and presentable? absolutely not - she / he should keep the room presentable.  - it's also acceptable to tell them to not smoke in your home or around your children.

These are questions I struggle with.

 

 

Why do people choose Au Pair over nanny? I never even considered an Au Pair.


 

Veni.Vidi.Vici.
by on Jan. 31, 2013 at 11:30 AM

gotcha

Quoting mikiemom:


We did it for the Global experience, language etc. It was really fun for DS to have an Au Pair from South Africa, Brazil, Austria, the French nanny not so much lol. Plus, I was helping a young person from another country experience the United States.

Quoting Veni.Vidi.Vici.:

Why do people choose Au Pair over nanny? I never even considered an Au Pair.





nannymcnina
by New Member on Jan. 31, 2013 at 12:48 PM
2 moms liked this

I've been a live-in and an au-pair and these are great questions that need to be addressed ahead of time.

It depends on the family- one family never ate together so I made my own meals and ate by myself. Another family we all ate together and expected me to be apart of the family and join conversations.

I think having hours laid out is very important. They aren't your servant and can't be expected to show up whenever you so desire. Be clear if you have a changing schedule and you might need them outside of whatever is normal.

Again cars depend on the family. I had one family where if I took their car I had to be home by a certain time as they didn't feel comfortable having their car out in situations where there may be more drunk drivers on the road. Another provided me a car and considered it mine- I could come and go as I pleased as long as I was there for work and they knew what country I would be in (I was an au-pair)

Room being tidy I feel is a bit knit picky. It's their space and you wouldn't feel comfortable in a place where someone told you how to keep your room. You want them to feel like it's their home too so they have a vested interest in the space and keeping it clean will come along with that.

I work through a company called Cultural Care Au-pair and would highly reccommend their services. I feel often au-pairs are a better fit that live-in nannies because they come with a completely different mind set. I know as an au-pair my priorities were completely different than they were as a live-in nanny. Au-pair's are here to work and improve their English. Nannies have a lot of other things going on in their lives that can often end up spilling over into yours- there is still pleanty of drama with a 22 year old that you might not expect to deal with. Au pairs can be far more flexible in hours they are covering and can work up to 45 hours a week for as little as $355 a week. That's something that is hard to find in even a live-in nanny. Our program is great because it provides you with a list of questions like this and a family plan for you and your au-pair of what exactly your expectations are and the service provides mediation if problems occur.

If you would like more information about our program I'd be glad to speak with you!

Veni.Vidi.Vici.
by on Jan. 31, 2013 at 1:24 PM


Quoting nannymcnina:

I've been a live-in and an au-pair and these are great questions that need to be addressed ahead of time.

It depends on the family- one family never ate together so I made my own meals and ate by myself. Another family we all ate together and expected me to be apart of the family and join conversations.

I think having hours laid out is very important. They aren't your servant and can't be expected to show up whenever you so desire. Be clear if you have a changing schedule and you might need them outside of whatever is normal.

Again cars depend on the family. I had one family where if I took their car I had to be home by a certain time as they didn't feel comfortable having their car out in situations where there may be more drunk drivers on the road. Another provided me a car and considered it mine- I could come and go as I pleased as long as I was there for work and they knew what country I would be in (I was an au-pair)

Room being tidy I feel is a bit knit picky. It's their space and you wouldn't feel comfortable in a place where someone told you how to keep your room. You want them to feel like it's their home too so they have a vested interest in the space and keeping it clean will come along with that.

I work through a company called Cultural Care Au-pair and would highly reccommend their services. I feel often au-pairs are a better fit that live-in nannies because they come with a completely different mind set. I know as an au-pair my priorities were completely different than they were as a live-in nanny. Au-pair's are here to work and improve their English. Nannies have a lot of other things going on in their lives that can often end up spilling over into yours- there is still pleanty of drama with a 22 year old that you might not expect to deal with. Au pairs can be far more flexible in hours they are covering and can work up to 45 hours a week for as little as $355 a week. That's something that is hard to find in even a live-in nanny. Our program is great because it provides you with a list of questions like this and a family plan for you and your au-pair of what exactly your expectations are and the service provides mediation if problems occur.

If you would like more information about our program I'd be glad to speak with you!

Thank you very much for your reply ad the info!


kailu1835
by Ruby Member on Jan. 31, 2013 at 1:44 PM
1 mom liked this

So, I'm not a live in nanny, but I do nanny for a family that I have access to a credit card and van with.  When they have me make meals, they tell me to make enough for myself and my kids if they're with me, I don't have to tell them where I take the van, or what I buy at the store, they just ask that I be somewhat frugal.  So if I am out and the boys are hungry, I might take them to Subway, but wouldn't take them to get steak.

I have a friend who is a live in, and this is what she says:  If your nanny is a live in, she should be treated as a nanny while on duty (specific hours to be determined at the time of employment), and a roommate at any other time.  Her room is her room, you may not enter it without permission, and you may not make demands on how she keeps the room.  If your nanny is not on duty, and you need her help, and she is free to help you, then you need to pay her extra.  If she is on duty when meals are eaten, she should be able to eat with the family.  If she is off duty during, say, dinner, then it is up to you whether or not you'd like to invite her to dinner.... remember, off duty, she's a roommate, nothing more, so treat her like you would a roommate.  Vehicle useage is up to the individual, but she shouldn't use your car unless she has your children with her.

Hope this helps :)

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