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Many know that for a long time we had a whole houseful here.  It was Bill , b, my oldest dd, her 2 kids, her boyfriend , a long term family friend and me.

J, the friend, moved out last yr and is doing well and we survived financially. 

The time has come for my dd to go.  I know she will be ok financially as she just got a raise and its likely she will be running the store she works in before long.  Her boss is having fertility treatments and wants to stop working and have a baby so DD will be doing fine financially.  I am very happy for her. 

It has been hard all living together.  It will be much easier and quieter around here, I am wise enough to know that but boy am I going to miss those kids. She is going to stay in the area and I think I will still be watching them a bit but they have been here always so its going to be a mixed bag for me lol

Financially its gonna be pretty damn tough.  Dont come in here telling me to get a job lol I have a very small window of what I can earn without affecting hubbys hc.

So hubby who has wanted the house to himself is now not dealing well with the reality of that.

He is not behaving well.  For those who may not know he is sick.  He has a lot of masses in his lungs that are inoperable but slow growing.  As of the last scan the growth has subsided for now.  He had a lot of bleeding in his lungs last fall but that is better too.

If he keeps on the path he is on he will become abusive and I will have to leave or make him leave,  How do you leave a dying man? That is my confusion.

I am sure there will be those who say I shouldnt have shared any of this here.

I am sorry.  I spend time with you ladies here and to an extent some of you deserve to know whats up with me,

How far you go in life depends on your being: tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving and tolerant of both the weak and strong.  Because someday in life you would have been one or all of these.  GeorgeWashingtonCarver


by on Jan. 30, 2013 at 11:58 PM
Replies (11-20):
toomanypoodles
by Ruby Member on Jan. 31, 2013 at 5:03 AM

 I sure admire you, Rene---you're a strong woman.  I sure don't have any advice...but I have another friend who deals with a hubby with PTSD so he can be too much for her to cope with sometimes.  She's trying very hard not to think about divorce, but there is only so much a woman can take, even you strong ones, and you have to do what's best for you and your sanity.

I can pray for you though, if you like. 

romalove
by Roma on Jan. 31, 2013 at 5:09 AM

Rene do you have social services resources?  I think there may be help for you that you are not availing yourself of.  There may be some medication that will help him so he's not lashing out, and there may be counseling for you, or services for someone to come in and be with him for a bit where you can go out comfortably on your own.  You need to talk to his doctor as well and tell him what's going on with him behaviorally.

Empty nesting is both sad and an opportunity.  You have a lot of talent and can make it work to make a living even while staying home, I know we talked about that before and maybe need to revisit that topic. 

I am here for you, always.  Sending a hug.

momtoscott
by Platinum Member on Jan. 31, 2013 at 6:45 AM

 I'm sorry that this transition is turning out to be so hard and hope something good will come out of it.  Is it possible that antianxiety meds or antidepressant meds would help your DH and calm the stress level in the house?  Are there support groups that he could go to also?  Then he might not be so focused on you and less abusive.  Ultimately I think you have to do what's safest for you, whatever that turns out to be.   

Debmomto2girls
by Platinum Member on Jan. 31, 2013 at 6:49 AM
First (((hugs)))). And yes, if he is oxygen deprived he can become very agitated. You should talk to his doctor about it.



I would not tell you to get a job. And I am not saying this from a money perspective but if you could find something for a few hours a week it might do you a world of good to be out of the house and away from the situation. Please, this is not a get a jon judgment but a way of getting some time for yourself or maybe volunteer?



Tr to find some support groups. Sorry, that is all I have


Quoting survivorinohio:

AAAAND

I wonder if oxygen deprivation is an issue.  When he is agitated I mean.  Hmm something else to think on.  seriously because if oxygen deprivation is the issue I have to keep that in perspective.

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punky3175
by on Jan. 31, 2013 at 6:59 AM
*hugs* You share what you need to with us and if anyone has a problem with it they can simply leave the thread. (I was going to say something a tad meaner but decided against it.)

I'm sorry you're going through this.

*hugs*
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bertie420
by New Member on Jan. 31, 2013 at 7:08 AM

You know I love you but I gotta say the fear is his fault, I Days like this I wish i was closer to you, I feel ....like I need to help you some how and I cant!   Just know I love You and all of our family. and if you need somewhere we are here.

bertie420
by New Member on Jan. 31, 2013 at 7:13 AM

call me I have lots of time. We can talk and just maybe i can make you smile.

rfurlongg
by on Jan. 31, 2013 at 7:18 AM
1 mom liked this
I am so sorry Rene. He is dealing with mortality and fear that he will not be able to provide and you are dealing with loss on many levels and fear of past traumas. Talk to him. Find a private time and share your fears (not of him yet, just the situation) and hopes for this new phase of your life. Ask him his hopes and fear and really listen with your soul. See where you are after a heart to heart. {{HUGS}}
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survivorinohio
by René on Jan. 31, 2013 at 7:21 AM


Quoting bertie420:

You know I love you but I gotta say the fear is his fault, I Days like this I wish i was closer to you, I feel ....like I need to help you some how and I cant!   Just know I love You and all of our family. and if you need somewhere we are here.

No thats all gregs.  I love you too.  !000 miles is a very long way.

How far you go in life depends on your being: tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving and tolerant of both the weak and strong.  Because someday in life you would have been one or all of these.  GeorgeWashingtonCarver


survivorinohio
by René on Jan. 31, 2013 at 7:29 AM
2 moms liked this

Let me introduce you all to my real life bestie of 26 yrs.  She rocks!

Quoting bertie420:

You know I love you but I gotta say the fear is his fault, I Days like this I wish i was closer to you, I feel ....like I need to help you some how and I cant!   Just know I love You and all of our family. and if you need somewhere we are here.


How far you go in life depends on your being: tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving and tolerant of both the weak and strong.  Because someday in life you would have been one or all of these.  GeorgeWashingtonCarver


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