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Many know that for a long time we had a whole houseful here.  It was Bill , b, my oldest dd, her 2 kids, her boyfriend , a long term family friend and me.

J, the friend, moved out last yr and is doing well and we survived financially. 

The time has come for my dd to go.  I know she will be ok financially as she just got a raise and its likely she will be running the store she works in before long.  Her boss is having fertility treatments and wants to stop working and have a baby so DD will be doing fine financially.  I am very happy for her. 

It has been hard all living together.  It will be much easier and quieter around here, I am wise enough to know that but boy am I going to miss those kids. She is going to stay in the area and I think I will still be watching them a bit but they have been here always so its going to be a mixed bag for me lol

Financially its gonna be pretty damn tough.  Dont come in here telling me to get a job lol I have a very small window of what I can earn without affecting hubbys hc.

So hubby who has wanted the house to himself is now not dealing well with the reality of that.

He is not behaving well.  For those who may not know he is sick.  He has a lot of masses in his lungs that are inoperable but slow growing.  As of the last scan the growth has subsided for now.  He had a lot of bleeding in his lungs last fall but that is better too.

If he keeps on the path he is on he will become abusive and I will have to leave or make him leave,  How do you leave a dying man? That is my confusion.

I am sure there will be those who say I shouldnt have shared any of this here.

I am sorry.  I spend time with you ladies here and to an extent some of you deserve to know whats up with me,

How far you go in life depends on your being: tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving and tolerant of both the weak and strong.  Because someday in life you would have been one or all of these.  GeorgeWashingtonCarver


by on Jan. 30, 2013 at 11:58 PM
Replies (51-57):
Clairwil
by Ruby Member on Jan. 31, 2013 at 2:45 PM
1 mom liked this
Quoting survivorinohio:

He is not behaving well.

If he keeps on the path he is on he will become abusive and I will have to leave or make him leave,  How do you leave a dying man? That is my confusion.

Does he have lucid moments, times when he is his old self?

If so, pick your time and have a talk.  The changes in himself may be something he is, at some level, aware of and doesn't like, but feels helpless to change.   Get him to advise you what his true self would like you to do if he gets worse.

You might also consider getting him to write a letter to his future self.  And possibly to his children too, while he's still able to do it in his right mind.


Do you have a hospice near by?  They may have someone who can listen, and maybe give advice.


survivorinohio
by René on Jan. 31, 2013 at 2:47 PM


Quoting LilyofPhilly:

Sorry you are going through this. Keep talking to your husband. Maybe you can figure it out.

Thank you Lily, I hope you are well, I havent seen you on these boards too much,

How far you go in life depends on your being: tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving and tolerant of both the weak and strong.  Because someday in life you would have been one or all of these.  GeorgeWashingtonCarver


LilyofPhilly
by Gold Member on Jan. 31, 2013 at 2:57 PM
1 mom liked this
I read more than I post. I use my Kindle most of the time and it takes longer to type. That, and I've got a new career I've been focusing on.

Quoting survivorinohio:


Quoting LilyofPhilly:

Sorry you are going through this. Keep talking to your husband. Maybe you can figure it out.

Thank you Lily, I hope you are well, I havent seen you on these boards too much,

Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
EireLass
by Ruby Member on Jan. 31, 2013 at 3:28 PM

How do you leave a dying man?

Realize that you are not the cause of his illness nor his personality problem.

Guilt makes people do things that are against their gut feelings.

stormcris
by Christy on Jan. 31, 2013 at 3:38 PM
1 mom liked this

I think he needs a job....a hobby that is. Perhaps it is that he feels useless and is setting it off on you. People's personalities change when they get closer to death sometimes even when they do not have an illness to show that they are close. However, others simply get very depressed and truly feel their sense of being obsolete.If there is more to his angry outbursts such as another form of illness, that might need to be brought up with a doctor.

Another thing you might want to consider is something that gets you away from the situation a while each week. Being a caregiver is a tremendous strain on anyone and time away is best for health.

Him telling you to get a job is his fear placed on you and it may be he just needs to see that it would be more detrimental to lose the health insurance.

blackwidow6161
by New Member on Feb. 1, 2013 at 11:02 AM
1 mom liked this

very well said ,naturewoman

i am so sorry  survivor in ohio

my prayers are with you & your's

lisa ~



Quoting Naturewoman4:

Thank-you for sharing Survivorinohio.  I know how scary it is sometimes, to post something personal on here.  After all the debating, bashing & name calling that goes on here.  But, in the end, we are ALL human beings.  We have our own struggles in life, which none of us really knows.  I think sometimes posters on here should think about that.  That some of us may be going through such a hard time, that we all don't know about. 

I'm so sorry that you are going through all this!  Wow!  Sounds like you do have kids that live nearby.  They can be a support for you.  Also, isn't there support groups that will help you get through this?  I can just image how hard it must be for you.  I don't think you have to leave your husband though.  I mean, he is going through a lot right now.  Perhaps, you two can just sit down & talk.  Tell him how you feel.  I certainly wouldn't say for you to get a job.  You have enough to handle as it is.  girl giving flower



Naturewoman4
by Platinum Member on Feb. 1, 2013 at 11:04 AM

Thank-You :) 


Quoting blackwidow6161:

very well said ,naturewoman

i am so sorry  survivor in ohio

my prayers are with you & your's

lisa ~

 

 

Quoting Naturewoman4:

Thank-you for sharing Survivorinohio.  I know how scary it is sometimes, to post something personal on here.  After all the debating, bashing & name calling that goes on here.  But, in the end, we are ALL human beings.  We have our own struggles in life, which none of us really knows.  I think sometimes posters on here should think about that.  That some of us may be going through such a hard time, that we all don't know about. 

I'm so sorry that you are going through all this!  Wow!  Sounds like you do have kids that live nearby.  They can be a support for you.  Also, isn't there support groups that will help you get through this?  I can just image how hard it must be for you.  I don't think you have to leave your husband though.  I mean, he is going through a lot right now.  Perhaps, you two can just sit down & talk.  Tell him how you feel.  I certainly wouldn't say for you to get a job.  You have enough to handle as it is.  girl giving flower

 

 


 

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