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A Mother's Right to Choose (NOT the Abortion Debate)

Posted by on Jan. 31, 2013 at 5:11 PM
  • 32 Replies

 When Birthparents Choose Adoption

Real Life Snapshots

Diane, a woman in her late twenties, learned she was pregnant even though she had used birth control. Because she decided against abortion, her co-workers assumed she'd become a single mom. But Diane assured them that adoption was her plan.

They didn't believe her. Diane was nice, smart, and had a great job! Of course she would raise the baby. Her co-workers threw a surprise baby shower and gave her many beautiful gifts for the child. They meant well, but they broke her heart. Diane went through with her adoption plan and gave the gifts to the adoptive parents.

It's not easy to be a pregnant woman choosing adoption today. Birthparents who choose adoption often have to endure many offensive comments from people who should know better. Here are some of the most common:

  • How can you do that? That's your own flesh and blood!
  • Why didn't you (or the pregnant woman) get an abortion?
  • I could never give my baby to strangers!
  • What if you can't ever have another child?
  • Are you doing it for money? Selling your baby? That's disgusting!
  • Why don't you at least try raising it? You could always have the kid adopted later.
  • Why? Don't you care at all about your baby?
  • You made your bed, now you should lie in it.

Birthparents deal with these comments in different ways. Some hide their adoption plan, while others don't talk about it much. Some argue with the people who make such comments, by asking whether they are willing to support the baby.

Birthparents who are married (or even divorced) and who choose adoption face even more vitriol, which can be very painful for them and divisive within their family. And yet they are nearly always trying to make a plan that they feel is best for their child.

What about after the baby is placed with the adopters? How does the birthmother feel then?

Most experts agree that birthmothers do grieve this loss. Although counseling can help them deal with the issues involved, it cannot make the grief disappear altogether, nor does an open adoption (in which the pregnant woman usually meets the prospective adoptive parents and may have a continuing relationship with them and her child) alleviate all the pain. Feelings of grief usually abate as time passes; however, birthmothers often feel sad on the child's birthday. The grief and sadness are usually mitigated by the birthmother's belief that adoption was the right choice for the child. Studies indicate that the birthmothers who are the most satisfied with the adoption decision are those who didn't feel that they were pressured into it but made the choice for adoption on their own.



Read more on FamilyEducation: http://life.familyeducation.com/adoption/birth-

parents/45769.html#ixzz2JaqQp2TV

Shouldn't we support a Parent's Right to Choose even if that plan is not to parent? or is Adoption an archaic and inhumane tool used to separate mother from child? How can we ensure that the choice was one made without pressure?

by on Jan. 31, 2013 at 5:11 PM
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Replies (1-10):
thecoffeefairy
by Bronze Member on Jan. 31, 2013 at 5:22 PM
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Adoption is a fine choice for some women. It deserves respect.
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pamelax3
by Gold Member on Jan. 31, 2013 at 5:23 PM

it is the birthparents choice and no one elses business

stormcris
by Christy on Jan. 31, 2013 at 5:24 PM

We should support the right to choose. I was adopted it was the best choice for me. My birth parents half raised me a while and then I was fully adopted by my grandparents. 

FromAtoZ
by AllieCat on Jan. 31, 2013 at 5:30 PM

People think adoption is so easy, for the woman and the child.

I have no doubt that many women who are against another choice are indeed judging all women who make this choice.  If that woman does not do as they think they would, they are less than she is, therefore.............they are treated as less than.

Putting up a child for adoption is a private matter that others should refrain from making comments about.  This choice is no more the business of another than any other choice.

Sisteract
by Whoopie on Jan. 31, 2013 at 5:38 PM
2 moms liked this

Pro-choice, IMO, accepts and respects all choices-

I think adoption is very selfless. I am older and know many people who were adopted. On the 30 home court where I grew up, there were 4 families that had adopted children.

mehamil1
by Platinum Member on Jan. 31, 2013 at 5:41 PM
1 mom liked this

I don't think adoption is archaic and inhumane. It's inhumane to force people to be parents when they KNOW they don't want to be for whatever reason. At some point I feel I will adopt a child from the foster care system. They by far are the ones who need parents the most. Private adoption of an infant is not for me. 

LAHnTAH0812
by Bronze Member on Jan. 31, 2013 at 5:42 PM
Adoption is a beautiful thing. the fact that a woman will choose life when legally they can murder their child gives me hope that morals are still alive and well with some people.
there are many people who would just love a child of theiir own, regardless of who birthed it. adoption is truly a wonderful alternative to raising your own children. many deadbeat "parents" SHOULD have chosen adoption but instead are too selfish..
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SamsMomSays
by Member on Jan. 31, 2013 at 5:43 PM
Bump
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mehamil1
by Platinum Member on Jan. 31, 2013 at 5:44 PM
2 moms liked this

And that is the essence of pro choice. Someone here said that being pro choice is just pro abortion. Not true. I support the three choices. What a pregnant woman chooses should always be based on what is best for her and her family and she should absolutely not be pressured into any of the three against her will. 

Quoting Sisteract:

Pro-choice, IMO, accepts and respects all choices-

I think adoption is very selfless. I am older and know many people who were adopted. On the 30 home court where I grew up, there were 4 families that had adopted children.

ReginaStar
by Gold Member on Jan. 31, 2013 at 5:48 PM
1 mom liked this

People are going to judge for all kinds of choices you make in life. If your sure about the choice you made you should be strong enough to look over judgements made upon you b/c YOU have an understanding about your self and your choice that no one else has. And it doesn't matter what others think about your choice it matters what you think about your choice. Judgement is apart of life you just have to deal with. 

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