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Was this offensive? (Church related) Edit~

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Poll

Question: Was what I said so offensive?

Options:

No, I don't think it was offensive at all.

Hmm...it was a little innapropriate.

Yes it was wrong. You shouldn't have said that about God.


Only group members can vote in this poll.

Total Votes: 220

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It turns out many of the other kids had phones. The other lady in charge was shocked that Bob would react that way. She understood how important it is for parents to be able to contact their kids and that she felt cell phones were a great idea. She then apologised and said if I allow Savannah to go to the camp this summer she'll make sure she brings her phone. I feel slightly better,lol.

My 13yo dd is going to camp with the church. They'll be gone for three days and she is soo excited :-) I'm sure she'll have a great time but there's just one problem. No cell phones are allowed. I told her no problem, as long as she's able to borrow one and give me a call at night it'll be fine.

So when I dropped her off yesterday I sought out her youth leader to confirm that she'll be able to call me.

Me: Hey Bob, I understand that no cell phones are allowed but I need to make sure that Savannah call call me at night to check in.

Bob: Well...I hope that there are some pay phones near by.

Me: *Raises eyebrow* Why can't she borrow an adults cell phone?

Bob: Well you see we discourage phone calls because we want the kids to focus on God.

Savannah: I'm just going to be calling her at night.

Bob: Isn't God with you at night?

Me: I don't care where God is. There's no way I'm going to go three days without speaking to my daughter. Can she use a phone or not?

At this point Bob looks like I kicked his dog. The whole group goes silent.

Bob murmurs: Interesting... Okay she can she my phone.

I leave the shocked silence of the group.

by on Feb. 2, 2013 at 11:20 AM
Replies (141-150):
AlekD
by Gold Member on Feb. 2, 2013 at 12:47 PM
1 mom liked this

I get that, but these are kids. I don't think that saying goodnight to mom and dad is going to ruin their retreat experience.

Quoting viv212:

But this is a retreat.

That means separating from outside things/people and focusing on yourself. No tv's, no phones, no computers, no newspapers... That's the whole point.


Quoting thecoffeefairy:

It's crazy to not allow phone calls. Keeping the lines of communication open between child and parent is important. I'm sure god will understand.


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If you reprove someone, you yourself get carried away by anger and you are satisfying your own passion; do not lose yourself, therefore, in order to save another


  



viv212
by Gold Member on Feb. 2, 2013 at 12:48 PM
Oh Pagan.

The type of parent that would be ok with this is one who knows what the church and its people are about.


Quoting paganbaby:

Regardless of her age, a rule that no child is allowed to contact their parents for the entire trip waves all kinds of warning flags. I can't comprehend what parent in their right mind would be okay with that.

Quoting TTC2Long:

Honestly, I think you were inappropriate. She's 13. Not 5. And they have those rules for a reason. Don't like it, don't send her, which would be pretty cruel, imo.


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paganbaby
by Teflon Don on Feb. 2, 2013 at 12:49 PM
1 mom liked this

How many children are molested by adults their parents know and trust?

Quoting Peanutx3:

I also want to add that this is where not attending the same church your children attend becomes an issue.  I know I can trust the church people involved with my kids because I know them.  I see them every sunday and speak to them.  There is trust there.  In your position where you really don't know these people because you spend no time with them I probably wouldn't send my child.


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matofour
by Bronze Member on Feb. 2, 2013 at 12:50 PM
So, you say
Not being able to call the parent raises all kinds of red flags.


Yet you still allowed your daughter to go?


Wow.



Quoting paganbaby:

Every child is different. My dd isn't as mature as other 13 year olds, She has a tendency to follow along with what everyone else is doing regardless of the consequences. So for her I feel a phone every night will help keep her grounded.

As for college? I'd like a weekly phone call to keep in touch.

Quoting punky3175:

It's 3 days. Not 3 weeks or 3 months. They have emergency contact numbers so if something happens parents can be contacted. I'm with Peanut - I don't see any reason to be so clingy to a teenage child. They have to learn to be on their own and a 3 day church trip sounds like a good starting point away from Mommy. It's supervised and safe. When she goes to college are you going to demand daily phone calls?



Quoting paganbaby:

Regardless of her age, a rule that no child is allowed to contact their parents for the entire trip waves all kinds of warning flags. I can't comprehend what parent in their right mind would be okay with that.

Quoting TTC2Long:

Honestly, I think you were inappropriate. She's 13. Not 5. And they have those rules for a reason. Don't like it, don't send her, which would be pretty cruel, imo.




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FromAtoZ
by AllieCat on Feb. 2, 2013 at 12:50 PM


Quoting AlekD:

I get that, but these are kids. I don't think that saying goodnight to mom and dad is going to ruin their retreat experience.

Quoting viv212:

But this is a retreat.

That means separating from outside things/people and focusing on yourself. No tv's, no phones, no computers, no newspapers... That's the whole point.


Quoting thecoffeefairy:

It's crazy to not allow phone calls. Keeping the lines of communication open between child and parent is important. I'm sure god will understand.


I don't see this as ruining their retreat experience either.  But it does show there are issues going on there, mom doesn't trust the child or the adults and the kiddo can't be expected to be mature enough to handle three days without checking in with mom.  At the age of 13, the kiddo should indeed be able to conduct herself according to the rules and the parents should be able to withhold making demands of checking in with their baby.  

I get this isn't the case for some but if there are such issues, somethings need to be addressed.


paganbaby
by Teflon Don on Feb. 2, 2013 at 12:51 PM


Quoting Veni.Vidi.Vici.:


Quoting punky3175:

It's 3 days. Not 3 weeks or 3 months. They have emergency contact numbers so if something happens parents can be contacted. I'm with Peanut - I don't see any reason to be so clingy to a teenage child. They have to learn to be on their own and a 3 day church trip sounds like a good starting point away from Mommy. It's supervised and safe. When she goes to college are you going to demand daily phone callsmo.

In light of some of Pagan's other posts regarding her daughter and her behavior I would want her to call. She sounds a bit precarious, as many young teens are. IMO the phone call hearing her mothers voice may be what she needs as a reminder that mom is close by and keeping tabs on her. Not all 13 year old kids are the same nor should they be given the same freedoms. Just because she might need extra guidance doesn't mean she shoudn't be allowed to go. What's wrong with a contingency plan? Even if it's supposedly against 'rules'?

I'm curious as to what the ages were of all of the kids in attendance, too.

Yes, yes and yes!

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thecoffeefairy
by Bronze Member on Feb. 2, 2013 at 12:51 PM
1 mom liked this
That's great but the parent thread is vital to kids' safety. Keeping that line open makes the councillors more accountable. Not everyone is as honest and kind hearted as they appear. With shootings, pedophiles and child abusers everywhere, it is harder and harder to have blind faith. I would not risk it. There should be some peace of mind.


Quoting viv212:

But this is a retreat.



That means separating from outside things/people and focusing on yourself. No tv's, no phones, no computers, no newspapers... That's the whole point.




Quoting thecoffeefairy:

It's crazy to not allow phone calls. Keeping the lines of communication open between child and parent is important. I'm sure god will understand.

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romalove
by Roma on Feb. 2, 2013 at 12:51 PM

Where I live in 6th grade the kids go to a nature camp for science class through the public schools, it's 3 nights away from home.  No cell phones, no one can call home, etc.  I never had an issue with sending my kids on the trip, I think it's healthy for them.

I think it was unreasonable of you to want to avail yourself of the camp without being willing to stick to their rules.  If your daughter gets to call home, what about the other kids?  Should they all be doing it?

Regarding your question about whether what you said was offensive or not, I don't think it was particularly offensive, but I don't have the additional heightened sensitivity of having been told I wasn't trusted to care for your teenager for a few days.

Goodwoman614
by Satan on Feb. 2, 2013 at 12:52 PM
1 mom liked this



Quoting soonergirl980:


If her daughter got knocked up while at church camp for 3 days it would say much much more about her time at home and her parenting or lack of parenting than not being able to talk to her for those 3 days.

Quoting finnbar:

My boss is a middle school teacher and one of her 13 year olds just gave birth. So actually, it's not unreasonable to keep close tabs on a child that age.


Quoting Peanutx3:

It's 3 days!!!!  Your daughter is 13.  Why can't she go without talking to you for a few days?  It may be time to let your daughter have a little space.

Quoting paganbaby:

The rules were no cell phones. I agreed. What I don't agree with is no contact with with her parents for the entire trip. And no, if she wasn't allowed to call me then she wasn't allowed to go.

Quoting Peanutx3:

If those are the rules of the camp why shouldn't your daughter follow the rules if she wants to go?






Way to blame the parents - must be *their fault* for raising a whore, right?

guess you never heard of statutory rape, much less sexual assaults.

I've had experiences - there is no person or people or organization of people, who are above abusing the trust some people will give them with their children - haven't you ever heard of baby raping priests, scout leaders?

While I would agree to the no cell rule, and perhaps be willing to forgo the nightly check-in, I would want to know that should my child deem it necessary, she could contact me. This only because I know she is not the type to suffer from homesickness, or call for *no reason.* But every child is different, & so is every parent...& everyone has their own past experiences. Some children have already experienced sexual molestation, and THEY might feel safer knowing they could contact a parent as needed (should THEY feel the need), never mind the parent of such a child. 


paganbaby
by Teflon Don on Feb. 2, 2013 at 12:53 PM

I was floored. Why would they fight so hard to make sure my dd has no contact with me??

Quoting LoveMyBoyK:

No, I agree with you. And I think it is ridiculous they would not offer a way for kids to check in and balked when you suggested using an adult's phone.


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