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Was this offensive? (Church related) Edit~

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Poll

Question: Was what I said so offensive?

Options:

No, I don't think it was offensive at all.

Hmm...it was a little innapropriate.

Yes it was wrong. You shouldn't have said that about God.


Only group members can vote in this poll.

Total Votes: 220

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It turns out many of the other kids had phones. The other lady in charge was shocked that Bob would react that way. She understood how important it is for parents to be able to contact their kids and that she felt cell phones were a great idea. She then apologised and said if I allow Savannah to go to the camp this summer she'll make sure she brings her phone. I feel slightly better,lol.

My 13yo dd is going to camp with the church. They'll be gone for three days and she is soo excited :-) I'm sure she'll have a great time but there's just one problem. No cell phones are allowed. I told her no problem, as long as she's able to borrow one and give me a call at night it'll be fine.

So when I dropped her off yesterday I sought out her youth leader to confirm that she'll be able to call me.

Me: Hey Bob, I understand that no cell phones are allowed but I need to make sure that Savannah call call me at night to check in.

Bob: Well...I hope that there are some pay phones near by.

Me: *Raises eyebrow* Why can't she borrow an adults cell phone?

Bob: Well you see we discourage phone calls because we want the kids to focus on God.

Savannah: I'm just going to be calling her at night.

Bob: Isn't God with you at night?

Me: I don't care where God is. There's no way I'm going to go three days without speaking to my daughter. Can she use a phone or not?

At this point Bob looks like I kicked his dog. The whole group goes silent.

Bob murmurs: Interesting... Okay she can she my phone.

I leave the shocked silence of the group.

by on Feb. 2, 2013 at 11:20 AM
Replies (161-170):
viv212
by Gold Member on Feb. 2, 2013 at 1:18 PM
Maybe. Except this is a rule of the trip. I'm not arguing with you either, don't read it as I am :)

Little story:
My friend "M" and I send our kids to church just like Pagan.

The boys were having a retreat and they begged to let my friend's 13 year old special needs child go. She agreed based on the fact that her mom and aunt would be going up later that night. The mom and aunt couldn't go after all for a bunch of other circumstances.
My friend was in tears that whole weekend because where he was had no cell reception. She had no idea if her special needs child was crying, was cold, etc.
Sure enough that guy came home happy as hell that he got a little independence from his mom. She was worrying for nothing and he didn't understand why she was so happy to see him.

Sometimes letting your child live is healthy.


Quoting AlekD:

I'm not trying to argue. I'm sure you are right about that. I'm only saying that I think minor children on overnight retreats should have the option of contacting their parents if they want.

Quoting viv212:

Have you ever been on a religious retreat?



Calling anyone does take away from the experience. It makes you come home renewed and missing family. You feel refreshed after. And this is coming from someone who isn't religious.




Quoting AlekD:

I get that, but these are kids. I don't think that saying goodnight to mom and dad is going to ruin their retreat experience.

Quoting viv212:

But this is a retreat.





That means separating from outside things/people and focusing on yourself. No tv's, no phones, no computers, no newspapers... That's the whole point.






Quoting thecoffeefairy:

It's crazy to not allow phone calls. Keeping the lines of communication open between child and parent is important. I'm sure god will understand.



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Oostera
by on Feb. 2, 2013 at 1:18 PM
1 mom liked this
No, it wasn't offensive. You are a concerned parent expressing said concerns to the person who will be caring for your daughter while you aren't there. What you said aboutGod wasn't even CLOSE to being offensive. I'm Christian and I would have said the same thing.
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viv212
by Gold Member on Feb. 2, 2013 at 1:20 PM
If they're having a slumber party, sure! Sometimes the church does have slumber parties and the church adults will encourage the kids to call their parents.

But this is a retreat.


Quoting thecoffeefairy:

That's silly. A simple phone call is a good, reasonable middle ground.




Quoting viv212:

If you can't cut the umbilical cord at 13, and the child is put into an awkward/possible child molestation "event" they will not know what to do or how to react without calling mom.





We have to let our kids live a little and learn from experience. Keeping them closed in only makes them naive.





If Pagan was THAT worried, she should have went along of not let her go.






Quoting thecoffeefairy:

That's great but the parent thread is vital to kids' safety. Keeping that line open makes the councillors more accountable. Not everyone is as honest and kind hearted as they appear. With shootings, pedophiles and child abusers everywhere, it is harder and harder to have blind faith. I would not risk it. There should be some peace of mind.








Quoting viv212:

But this is a retreat.









That means separating from outside things/people and focusing on yourself. No tv's, no phones, no computers, no newspapers... That's the whole point.










Quoting thecoffeefairy:

It's crazy to not allow phone calls. Keeping the lines of communication open between child and parent is important. I'm sure god will understand.


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meriana
by Platinum Member on Feb. 2, 2013 at 1:22 PM
1 mom liked this

I don't see  problem with a child calling home at night. While your comment may be seen as rude, it, unfortunalty, sometimes takes a little bit of rude to get your point across. Our dd went to camp a couple of years and they were not allowed cell phones, etc. either. There were two reasons I was comfortable with it...1) we personally knew a family who lived and worked at the camp and knew they'd keep an eye on her and 2) the camp was about a 10 minute drive from our home. I can certainly understand wanting your child to check in at night, especially if it's a camp they haven't been to before. A lot of the time, I have my dd check in at night when she stays at a friends house and I also have been known to text her to tell her good night.

thecoffeefairy
by Bronze Member on Feb. 2, 2013 at 1:24 PM
1 mom liked this
Pagan isn't an active member of the church. A lot of parents who are in her position know these people WAY better. She's allowing her daughter to follow her own spiritual path. That shows she's ok with independence. She just wants some peace of mind too.


Quoting viv212:

If they're having a slumber party, sure! Sometimes the church does have slumber parties and the church adults will encourage the kids to call their parents.



But this is a retreat.




Quoting thecoffeefairy:

That's silly. A simple phone call is a good, reasonable middle ground.






Quoting viv212:

If you can't cut the umbilical cord at 13, and the child is put into an awkward/possible child molestation "event" they will not know what to do or how to react without calling mom.







We have to let our kids live a little and learn from experience. Keeping them closed in only makes them naive.







If Pagan was THAT worried, she should have went along of not let her go.








Quoting thecoffeefairy:

That's great but the parent thread is vital to kids' safety. Keeping that line open makes the councillors more accountable. Not everyone is as honest and kind hearted as they appear. With shootings, pedophiles and child abusers everywhere, it is harder and harder to have blind faith. I would not risk it. There should be some peace of mind.










Quoting viv212:

But this is a retreat.











That means separating from outside things/people and focusing on yourself. No tv's, no phones, no computers, no newspapers... That's the whole point.












Quoting thecoffeefairy:

It's crazy to not allow phone calls. Keeping the lines of communication open between child and parent is important. I'm sure god will understand.



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motherslove82
by Silver Member on Feb. 2, 2013 at 1:24 PM

My Daughter (also named Savannah, lol) has gone to camp for a week out of the last two summers. They did not allow cell phones either, but I still heard from her a few times. She didn't call every day. They had activities that would sometimes go until late at night (or early in the morning - around 1 a.m.), so I didn't talk to her every night. On the other hand, Dh's aunt and two of his cousins were there, so I knew she was in good hands. I think that you could have phrased it in a different way. What you said was a little rude. You could also lighten up some. It won't kill either one of you to go a day or two (or even 3) without speaking. I'm sure if something were wrong, or if she was upset, someone would let her call. She's 13, not 5.

MeAndTommyLee
by Platinum Member on Feb. 2, 2013 at 1:28 PM
2 moms liked this

I don't care where your daughter is going.  The fact that she is attending something church related does not negate the fact that she has a concerned mother who wants to speak to her child.  Good job.  I'm happy you got your call.  I don't think you were offensive.  YOU are the parent.

punky3175
by on Feb. 2, 2013 at 1:28 PM
And? I'm 37. My mom isn't scared to let me live my life nor an I scared to letting kids be independent and make their own decisions and choices. Talking to them when they're with their dad reminds me how much I miss them. Plus they are enjoying time with him.

Quoting paganbaby:

A month without talking to your kids...

Yeah...I'm 29 and I can't remember going a month without talking to my mom.

I just can't wrap my mind around that.

Quoting punky3175:

I was wondering the same thing. Since my divorce I've probably gone a month or so not talking to them. And when they to to their dad's in the summer now I won't normally talk to them until it's my weekend with them.



Quoting Peanutx3:

It's 3 days!!!!  Your daughter is 13.  Why can't she go without talking to you for a few days?  It may be time to let your daughter have a little space.

Quoting paganbaby:

The rules were no cell phones. I agreed. What I don't agree with is no contact with with her parents for the entire trip. And no, if she wasn't allowed to call me then she wasn't allowed to go.

Quoting Peanutx3:

If those are the rules of the camp why shouldn't your daughter follow the rules if she wants to go?




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punky3175
by on Feb. 2, 2013 at 1:31 PM
1 mom liked this
I can understand that. And respect your parenting decisions. I don't know your child just what you post here. And my 16 yo isn't all that mature. She just doesn't bow to peer pressure. And that's not a judgment on you or your daughter. I know I'm lucky that she has her own mind. I think it's genetic because at least 3 generations back (through my grandmother) have been the same.

Quoting paganbaby:

Every child is different. My dd isn't as mature as other 13 year olds, She has a tendency to follow along with what everyone else is doing regardless of the consequences. So for her I feel a phone every night will help keep her grounded.

As for college? I'd like a weekly phone call to keep in touch.

Quoting punky3175:

It's 3 days. Not 3 weeks or 3 months. They have emergency contact numbers so if something happens parents can be contacted. I'm with Peanut - I don't see any reason to be so clingy to a teenage child. They have to learn to be on their own and a 3 day church trip sounds like a good starting point away from Mommy. It's supervised and safe. When she goes to college are you going to demand daily phone calls?






Quoting paganbaby:

Regardless of her age, a rule that no child is allowed to contact their parents for the entire trip waves all kinds of warning flags. I can't comprehend what parent in their right mind would be okay with that.

Quoting TTC2Long:

Honestly, I think you were inappropriate. She's 13. Not 5. And they have those rules for a reason. Don't like it, don't send her, which would be pretty cruel, imo.



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ArianEponae
by on Feb. 2, 2013 at 1:32 PM
My parents would turn a phone in to the adult in charge, telling them that I was to be given the phone for ten minutes before bed every night. Its not unreasonable for a parent to want to hear from their kid, make sure they're ok.

The no phone rule is a great idea...in theory. Phones these days are packed full of distractions. However, as a parent, I would prefer that my child be able to call just in case. I get it, mama


Quoting paganbaby:

That is a greatr idea! I wish I had thought of that.

And yeah, it is a crazy world. Call me nuts but I need my dd to have a way to contact me.

Quoting LuvingMy3Girls:

Nope you are fine. I on the other hand would have packed her phone told her to keep it off and text me as needed. That's what we did at 6th grade camp and Girl Scout camp. It's a crazy world and I refuse to leave my kids without a way to contact me


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