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Was this offensive? (Church related) Edit~

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Poll

Question: Was what I said so offensive?

Options:

No, I don't think it was offensive at all.

Hmm...it was a little innapropriate.

Yes it was wrong. You shouldn't have said that about God.


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Total Votes: 220

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It turns out many of the other kids had phones. The other lady in charge was shocked that Bob would react that way. She understood how important it is for parents to be able to contact their kids and that she felt cell phones were a great idea. She then apologised and said if I allow Savannah to go to the camp this summer she'll make sure she brings her phone. I feel slightly better,lol.

My 13yo dd is going to camp with the church. They'll be gone for three days and she is soo excited :-) I'm sure she'll have a great time but there's just one problem. No cell phones are allowed. I told her no problem, as long as she's able to borrow one and give me a call at night it'll be fine.

So when I dropped her off yesterday I sought out her youth leader to confirm that she'll be able to call me.

Me: Hey Bob, I understand that no cell phones are allowed but I need to make sure that Savannah call call me at night to check in.

Bob: Well...I hope that there are some pay phones near by.

Me: *Raises eyebrow* Why can't she borrow an adults cell phone?

Bob: Well you see we discourage phone calls because we want the kids to focus on God.

Savannah: I'm just going to be calling her at night.

Bob: Isn't God with you at night?

Me: I don't care where God is. There's no way I'm going to go three days without speaking to my daughter. Can she use a phone or not?

At this point Bob looks like I kicked his dog. The whole group goes silent.

Bob murmurs: Interesting... Okay she can she my phone.

I leave the shocked silence of the group.

by on Feb. 2, 2013 at 11:20 AM
Replies (561-570):
JakeandEmmasMom
by Platinum Member on Feb. 4, 2013 at 7:13 AM
In not implying that the child is immature. I'm saying that the adult in this situation is unreasonable. I feel bad for the child. In all seriousness -- no sarcasm -- she honestly shouldn't let her teenage daughter leave her sight. She clearly can't handle it.

Quoting LindaClement:

I think it's fair to compare how adults cope with separation from their loved ones when it is implied that it's tremendously immature for a 13yo to call one of hers.

Quoting JakeandEmmasMom:

It can't be both because the safety issue is moot as I previously explained, and, no, I don't know any women who can't cope with not speaking to their husbands for two nights. I say that even though I find it very strange to compare the relationships between spouses and children.



Quoting LindaClement:

Why can't it be both?

I know a lot of grown women who can't cope (or think they can't cope) if their husbands go out of town for 2 days... especially if there is any restriction on how often they can call.

Quoting JakeandEmmasMom:

So it isn't about safety? Now it's about maintaining connections?





I would say that if their connection is in jeopardy after three days away, I renew my suggestion that the girl should stay home so they can work on their relationship. We're talking about three days, not three weeks or even a month.






Quoting LindaClement:

This presumes that the only 'danger' the child might encounter in three days is outright physical risk or sexual abuse.

What about assisting a child in handling the struggles of the day, talking about what she's excited about, what she might have to face again tomorrow...

Strangely, as a long-time navy wife, I've noticed that no one thinks it's at all weird that someone's spouse might call every night when travelling (it is stock advice for 'staying connected' while away --for parents and for spouses), but it is apparently (as we have just had a lovely demonstration here) inappropriate, overprotective, controlling or embarrassing to the victim if the relationship involved is parent-child.

What about the value of family connections, and reconnecting after a day spent away?

Quoting JakeandEmmasMom:

If she was truly fearful for her daughter's safety at a chaperoned event, it seems irresponsible to let her go. I wouldn't send my children off for three days with people I didn't trust. And calling daily does nothing to ensure safety. That is a false sense of security. It doesn't keep her from getting hurt or lost while she's there. It only gives peace of mind that those things hadn't happened yet. It does nothing to prevent them.







Quoting LindaClement:

Interesting thought, that embarrasssing children is considered worse than ensuring their safety.

Quoting JakeandEmmasMom:

 You're ridiculous for making her call like that.  If you are so uncomfortable about her going away with a supervised church group for 72 hours, you shouldn't let her go.  I can't imagine embarassing my daughter that way.





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JakeandEmmasMom
by Platinum Member on Feb. 4, 2013 at 7:18 AM
Why did you delete the other updates, OP?
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NewMom11222011
by Bronze Member on Feb. 4, 2013 at 9:57 AM
1 mom liked this

I'm sure OP did not EXPECT her child to be abused on this trip, otherwise she would not have allowed her to go.  On the other hand, most of the parents who have had children abused by adults into whose care they have entrusted them did not expect abuse either, but it happened.  The opportunity to call home and let her mom know something was wrong, whether through words or tone, so that mom could come and get her should be allowed without question and it is not unrealistic for OP to expect this.  The OP had a choice after the uncomfortable encounter with "Bob" whether to let her child, who obviously wanted to go, continue on the trip or take her home and she allowed her to go.  After said encounter, I would also have been uncomfortable with not hearing from her and not having the counselors respond.  Putting aside any fears of direct harm from the group itself, have we all forgotten Newtown?  Complete strangers could come in and hurt the children also.  I don't think it's unreasonable to be concerned if you don't hear back from anyone after leaving messages.

Mama2Spencerninja

LindaClement
by Thatwoman on Feb. 4, 2013 at 11:48 AM
1 mom liked this

Suppose their dad had died and you needed them to know that your sister was coming to get them right now...

Yeah, I can see why not being available by phone is practical.

Quoting JakeandEmmasMom:

In that situation? No. I assume they're busy CHAPERONING MY CHILD. I would assume they don't even have their phones on them.

And I wouldn't be calling them in the first place.


Quoting LindaClement:

You wouldn't freak out if the people caring for your child for multiple days didn't answer their phones?

Quoting JakeandEmmasMom:

You didn't read the updates? She was throwing a fit because the girl haven't called and the counselors -- who are occupied with the camp they're chaperoning and running -- haven't answered their phones.



Quoting LindaClement:

Read to me like the fit was about the camp not allowing it...

Quoting JakeandEmmasMom:

Based on the fit the OP was throwing that she didn't call, it doesn't sound optional.





Quoting LindaClement:

Did anyone say 'making'?

I understood it was demanding that she be ALLOWED, not forcing her to.

Quoting JakeandEmmasMom:

 You're ridiculous for making her call like that.  If you are so uncomfortable about her going away with a supervised church group for 72 hours, you shouldn't let her go.  I can't imagine embarassing my daughter that way.





LindaClement
by Thatwoman on Feb. 4, 2013 at 11:52 AM
2 moms liked this

People have different structures for their families. Clearly, you're okay with 13yos doing more independently than she is.

The child in the situation IS immature. It's why people look down on 13yo mothers. It's why they're not expected to live on their own by then. 

I don't think it's unreasonable to expect a child to check in once a day. As I said: many adults expect their spouses to do so, and it's NOT because they're afraid the people they're with are abusing them.

Quoting JakeandEmmasMom:

In not implying that the child is immature. I'm saying that the adult in this situation is unreasonable. I feel bad for the child. In all seriousness -- no sarcasm -- she honestly shouldn't let her teenage daughter leave her sight. She clearly can't handle it.

Quoting LindaClement:

I think it's fair to compare how adults cope with separation from their loved ones when it is implied that it's tremendously immature for a 13yo to call one of hers.

Quoting JakeandEmmasMom:

It can't be both because the safety issue is moot as I previously explained, and, no, I don't know any women who can't cope with not speaking to their husbands for two nights. I say that even though I find it very strange to compare the relationships between spouses and children.



Quoting LindaClement:

Why can't it be both?

I know a lot of grown women who can't cope (or think they can't cope) if their husbands go out of town for 2 days... especially if there is any restriction on how often they can call.

Quoting JakeandEmmasMom:

So it isn't about safety? Now it's about maintaining connections?





I would say that if their connection is in jeopardy after three days away, I renew my suggestion that the girl should stay home so they can work on their relationship. We're talking about three days, not three weeks or even a month.






Quoting LindaClement:

This presumes that the only 'danger' the child might encounter in three days is outright physical risk or sexual abuse.

What about assisting a child in handling the struggles of the day, talking about what she's excited about, what she might have to face again tomorrow...

Strangely, as a long-time navy wife, I've noticed that no one thinks it's at all weird that someone's spouse might call every night when travelling (it is stock advice for 'staying connected' while away --for parents and for spouses), but it is apparently (as we have just had a lovely demonstration here) inappropriate, overprotective, controlling or embarrassing to the victim if the relationship involved is parent-child.

What about the value of family connections, and reconnecting after a day spent away?

Quoting JakeandEmmasMom:

If she was truly fearful for her daughter's safety at a chaperoned event, it seems irresponsible to let her go. I wouldn't send my children off for three days with people I didn't trust. And calling daily does nothing to ensure safety. That is a false sense of security. It doesn't keep her from getting hurt or lost while she's there. It only gives peace of mind that those things hadn't happened yet. It does nothing to prevent them.







Quoting LindaClement:

Interesting thought, that embarrasssing children is considered worse than ensuring their safety.

Quoting JakeandEmmasMom:

 You're ridiculous for making her call like that.  If you are so uncomfortable about her going away with a supervised church group for 72 hours, you shouldn't let her go.  I can't imagine embarassing my daughter that way.






paganbaby
by Teflon Don on Feb. 4, 2013 at 11:57 AM

I agree! I doubt I'll get one though :-/

Quoting DaisyRae:

So, other kids had cell phones? I think he owes you an apology. 


Lilypie - Personal pictureLilypie Breastfeeding tickers

paganbaby
by Teflon Don on Feb. 4, 2013 at 12:00 PM
1 mom liked this

That's all I wanted. And I am so using this if it ever comes up again,lol.

Quoting acrogodess:

I am Christian and I would still feel the same. Either she would be allowed to contact me or she's not going. Her cell phone could stay home, but they can make sure she can give me a quick, "Hi, mom. I am having a good time. I love you. Good night." before bed. I am sure God understands that she is merely keeping HIS commandment of "Honor thy mother and father."


Lilypie - Personal pictureLilypie Breastfeeding tickers

frogbender
by Captain Underpants on Feb. 4, 2013 at 12:02 PM
2 moms liked this

I don't think you were unreasonable at all. 

FromAtoZ
by AllieCat on Feb. 4, 2013 at 12:10 PM

So it seems they gave in and allowed the children their cell phones.

Wow.

Meh, they are entitled to do as they feel is right but to think that kids can't go a few days without their cell phones should be an indicator.  Sadly, it is not.

acrogodess
by Silver Member on Feb. 4, 2013 at 12:21 PM
Definitely. I know I would.

Quoting paganbaby:

That's all I wanted. And I am so using this if it ever comes up again,lol.

Quoting acrogodess:

I am Christian and I would still feel the same. Either she would be allowed to contact me or she's not going. Her cell phone could stay home, but they can make sure she can give me a quick, "Hi, mom. I am having a good time. I love you. Good night." before bed. I am sure God understands that she is merely keeping HIS commandment of "Honor thy mother and father."


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