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Poll

Question: Which one.

Options:

Adoption

Surrogacy

Biological

If I couldnt conceive, I would choose neither.


Only group members can vote in this poll.

Total Votes: 49

View Results

Its a rather simple question, but could have long answers.


Why would you? Why wouldnt you? Which would you?


by on Feb. 2, 2013 at 12:49 PM
Replies (51-59):
babyspots17
by Bronze Member on Feb. 4, 2013 at 9:59 AM
If I couldn't conceive naturally I probably would not have had children by another method.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
onethentwins
by Bronze Member on Feb. 4, 2013 at 6:25 PM



Quoting Lurion:


Ditto this! 

It has been such an an eye-opening and disturbing experience for me, in searching for the bio. family of someone close to me, to learn so much "ugly truth" behind (infant) adoption. I now volunteer to help others reunite. 

In a nutshell: infant adoption has become about finding a baby for an economically advantaged infertile couple (often using manipulation, coersion and lies to convince a young mother that she is not worthy of parenting her own child and that the child will be better off with someone else), rather than finding homes for children who need them. 

The scars it can leave behind for both adoptee and birth mom, often last a lifetime. 

Quoting Ms.KitKat:

 ah- but where and how to begin? there are just so very many, many reasons. Let's just say, ( and I am speaking in terms of infant adoption only and not foster care) there are very many instances in which it just very nearly borders on baby-selling and only if done very, very well(which is a crap shoot) it really is. Adoptive parents are not the saints they are presummed or portrayed to be; birthmothers are not the heartless tramps they are presummed to be and a human child should not be a prize which can be either lost or won.

Quoting Humanoid:

May I ask why? About both?


Quoting Ms.KitKat:

 knowing what I do about adoption (and surrogacy is a close 2nd), if I was unable to have biological children, I would remain childless.



 




clapping

onethentwins
by Bronze Member on Feb. 4, 2013 at 7:27 PM


That's often the problem for the poor adoptee.  People think that babies are blank slates they can mold, but those babies comes with genetic traits, talents, and much of their personalities. 

Quoting fnpdocgrrl:

Adoption if conception were not possible.  I'd likely adopt an older kid who is less likely to find a loving home because everyone else are obsessed with perfect babies they can mould from scratch.



Euphoric
by Thumper kid spanks on Feb. 4, 2013 at 7:29 PM

 Biological

SunshneDaydream
by Silver Member on Feb. 8, 2013 at 4:27 PM

I have no idea how to answer this.  Seeing as how I never wanted kids before I had them, I have no clue if I would have changed my mind and wanted one so badly I'd consider other options if we couldn't concieve.  Both of mine were happy accidents :)

Jessy76
by Member on Feb. 8, 2013 at 5:03 PM

I would say to go in the direction your heart takes you. I am an adoptive mom and it is one of the biggest blessings in my families lives. I couldn't carry a pregnancy to term & considered surrogacy. I have a friend who was very willing but money was an obstacle for us on that path. Traditional adoption agencies were also out of the question because again the cost is prohibitive to the average working class family such as mine. We just got EXTREMELY lucky with our little angel and were able to make a private adoption work. I honestly don't think you really know what love is until you have your child in your arms for the 1st time. The feeling is so intensely overwhelming thinking back to the moment of her birth when the nurse put her in my arms I tear up and get weak in the knees. Every part of life is better since she came into it. That is why I would say if you are wanting to have a child it doesn't matter how you do it. My DH had 5 bio kids when our adopted DD came along and the love we have for those 5 only grew when our youngest DD came along and they being considerably older then her think she is the best baby sister in the world. Bio kids, adopted kids you can't go wrong either way. How could loving a child be WRONG?

Southernroots
by New Member on Feb. 9, 2013 at 8:43 PM


Quoting Ms.KitKat:

 ah- but where and how to begin? there are just so very many, many reasons. Let's just say, ( and I am speaking in terms of infant adoption only and not foster care) there are very many instances in which it just very nearly borders on baby-selling and only if done very, very well(which is a crap shoot) it really is. Adoptive parents are not the saints they are presummed or portrayed to be; birthmothers are not the heartless tramps they are presummed to be and a human child should not be a prize which can be either lost or won.

Quoting Humanoid:

May I ask why? About both?


Quoting Ms.KitKat:

 knowing what I do about adoption (and surrogacy is a close 2nd), if I was unable to have biological children, I would remain childless.



 

Having relinquished a child to adoption many years ago, I must agree with these observations about adoption. Plus, surrogacy has many disturbing potential issues as well.  I find surrogacy a distasteful idea, probably because I am a birth mom. 

Adopting from foster care avoids many of the ethical issues inherent in domestic infant adoptions, and it is what I would recommend.  I wouldn't do any of these now since my children are grown.  However, I might volunteer somewhere to spend time with children who could benefit from my love of children.  I understand wanting to raise children, but working with them in other places is rewarding too.

ms-superwoman
by Silver Member on Feb. 9, 2013 at 9:04 PM

All of the above. If I wanted a child and couldn't do one option, I would choose another.

Ms.KitKat
by Platinum Member on Feb. 10, 2013 at 8:42 AM

 

Quoting Southernroots:


Quoting Ms.KitKat:

 ah- but where and how to begin? there are just so very many, many reasons. Let's just say, ( and I am speaking in terms of infant adoption only and not foster care) there are very many instances in which it just very nearly borders on baby-selling and only if done very, very well(which is a crap shoot) it really is. Adoptive parents are not the saints they are presummed or portrayed to be; birthmothers are not the heartless tramps they are presummed to be and a human child should not be a prize which can be either lost or won.

Quoting Humanoid:

May I ask why? About both?

 

Quoting Ms.KitKat:

 knowing what I do about adoption (and surrogacy is a close 2nd), if I was unable to have biological children, I would remain childless.

 

 

 

Having relinquished a child to adoption many years ago, I must agree with these observations about adoption. Plus, surrogacy has many disturbing potential issues as well.  I find surrogacy a distasteful idea, probably because I am a birth mom. 

Adopting from foster care avoids many of the ethical issues inherent in domestic infant adoptions, and it is what I would recommend.  I wouldn't do any of these now since my children are grown.  However, I might volunteer somewhere to spend time with children who could benefit from my love of children.  I understand wanting to raise children, but working with them in other places is rewarding too.

 I agree. Surrogacy is simply a rent-a-womb. Truly it is farm breeding of human beings. Women receive upwards of $60,000 per successful pregnancy. That is just disgusting to me. Many a-parents are attracted to this "option" as there are already contracts put in place pre-birth (even pre-conception) insuring the baby will automatically go to the a-parents.

I believe foster is overlooked and really not a viable option for pap. They are looking to fulfill the loss of not having an infant and calling the child "mine." Children who are in foster are most obviously "not mine" and very obviously come with their own history. A-parents want the child. They do not want the "baggage." JMHO (in very general terms- not "all" a-parents!!!!!- for those a-parents out there!)

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