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Does this judge have unreasonable opinions about parenthood?

Posted by on Feb. 6, 2013 at 1:11 PM
  • 41 Replies
2 moms liked this


Minnesota Judge Has 200 Blunt Words for Divorcing Parents


Minnesota Judge Has 200 Blunt Words
for Divorcing Parents
By Judge Michael Haas
2001
“Your children have come into this world because of the two of you. Perhaps you two made lousy choices as to whom you decided to be the other parent. If so, that is your problem and your fault.

No matter what you think of the other party—or what your family thinks of the other party—these children are one-half of each of your. Remember that, because every time you tell your child what an “idiot” his father is, or what a “fool” his mother is, or how bad the absent parent is, or what terrible things that person has done, you are telling the child half of him is bad.


That is an unforgivable thing to do to a child. That is not love. That is possession. If you do that to your children, you will destroy them as surely as if you had cut them into pieces, because that is what you are doing to their emotions.


I sincerely hope that you do not do that to your children. Think more about your children and less about yourselves, and make yours a selfless kind of love, not foolish or selfish, or your children will suffer.”


by on Feb. 6, 2013 at 1:11 PM
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Replies (1-10):
norahsmommy
by Bronze Member on Feb. 6, 2013 at 1:12 PM
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I couldn't agree more.
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autodidact
by Platinum Member on Feb. 6, 2013 at 1:17 PM
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I disagree. at a certain point, if the other parent is a deadbeat, it's better to make it clear to the kid that that is the character flaw of that parent, not a reflection on the kid.

TruthSeeker.
by Milami on Feb. 6, 2013 at 1:24 PM
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Quoting autodidact:

I disagree. at a certain point, if the other parent is a deadbeat, it's better to make it clear to the kid that that is the character flaw of that parent, not a reflection on the kid.

 I agree. My sister and I suffered from abandonment issues from an absent father until my mother finally told us at age 15 and 16 that he was an alcoholic and drug addict. His mind was sick and he could not help the person that he had become. It wasn't a reflection on us at all. It was just how it was.

wickedfiress
by Kellie on Feb. 6, 2013 at 1:29 PM
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I don't think anything he said is unreasonable. I think it's dead on.
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mandaday
by Silver Member on Feb. 6, 2013 at 1:30 PM
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My ex and his wife still trash me often, and in front of our daughter. It affects her, and makes her feel like she can't be loyal to both of us at the same time. So I agree. There is a difference between acknowledging your ex's weaknesses and bashing them.
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LindaClement
by Thatwoman on Feb. 6, 2013 at 1:33 PM

Bravo!

LindaClement
by Thatwoman on Feb. 6, 2013 at 1:35 PM
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I disagree.

In silence, the child will discover the real failings of the other parent all by himself.

In 'making it clear' to the child, their natural response is to defend the person they're loyal to --if not out loud, then to themselves, and that divides them from the speaking parent's loyalty, which causes huge stress and anxiety for them.

Trust reality, and trust the child's ability to see it clearly.

Quoting autodidact:

I disagree. at a certain point, if the other parent is a deadbeat, it's better to make it clear to the kid that that is the character flaw of that parent, not a reflection on the kid.


canadianmom1974
by Gold Member on Feb. 6, 2013 at 1:37 PM
This. I saw it with my sil and her ex, she and my in-laws trashed him constantly and almost 20 years later they still do, and the girls have basically no relationship with him. He's not a bad guy, he was stationed far across the country so it was hard for him to see them, and he did give bad gifts (mostly because he so rarely saw them), and sil would use that as another reason to trash him.

It's just sad.


Quoting mandaday:

My ex and his wife still trash me often, and in front of our daughter. It affects her, and makes her feel like she can't be loyal to both of us at the same time. So I agree. There is a difference between acknowledging your ex's weaknesses and bashing them.
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autodidact
by Platinum Member on Feb. 6, 2013 at 1:38 PM
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when you have a kid internalizing as rejection their POS parent's failure to show up for visit after visit, it's time to tell them that their mom or dad is a flake. Better than them feeling it has something to do with them (the child). 

Quoting LindaClement:

I disagree.

In silence, the child will discover the real failings of the other parent all by himself.

In 'making it clear' to the child, their natural response is to defend the person they're loyal to --if not out loud, then to themselves, and that divides them from the speaking parent's loyalty, which causes huge stress and anxiety for them.

Trust reality, and trust the child's ability to see it clearly.

Quoting autodidact:

I disagree. at a certain point, if the other parent is a deadbeat, it's better to make it clear to the kid that that is the character flaw of that parent, not a reflection on the kid.







Euphoric
by Bazinga! on Feb. 6, 2013 at 1:39 PM

 Good for the judge.

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