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Abusive men....(PIOG)

Posted by on Feb. 8, 2013 at 7:30 PM
  • 193 Replies

Do you believe he can change? 


This debate really interests me. Mainly because i have such an unpopular opinion :P 


I believe ANYONE can change. 

I do believe there are people out there who will not and cannot change. 


But I dont agree when i see people say 'Abusive men cant change' 

Because that is not true, they can and have. not all certainly. And probably not even most. 


but to say that ALL abusive men are doomed to escalate and become a killer, is just extremist, and not true IMO


What are your thoughts? 

by on Feb. 8, 2013 at 7:30 PM
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Replies (1-10):
canadianmom1974
by Gold Member on Feb. 8, 2013 at 7:32 PM
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I think they CAN, but too often they WON'T.
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soonergirl980
by Silver Member on Feb. 8, 2013 at 7:32 PM
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I generally do not think they can change. I suppose it is possible but I wouldn't recommend sticking around to find out.

lizzielouaf
by Gold Member on Feb. 8, 2013 at 7:34 PM
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I think anyone can change but not everyone wants to.
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viv212
by Gold Member on Feb. 8, 2013 at 7:36 PM
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There is that 1% that can and will change. The majority will not change. My ex was borderline sociopath. How can they change when it's normal killing family pets and choking "a bitch out" - its like choosing what to eat for dinner.
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OHgirlinCA
by Platinum Member on Feb. 8, 2013 at 7:37 PM

 They can change if they really see their issues and want to change.  In my experience, those men are very rare.

soonergirl980
by Silver Member on Feb. 8, 2013 at 7:39 PM

My ex was the same way he was raised that he could do no wrong and if he did do something wrong it was someone elses fault. His brother went to prision for rape but to listen to his family tell it he never even met the girl it was all a set up. Mind you the rape resulted in a pregnancy with him being the father a 99.7%.


Quoting viv212:

There is that 1% that can and will change. The majority will not change. My ex was borderline sociopath. How can they change when it's normal killing family pets and choking "a bitch out" - its like choosing what to eat for dinner.



Mommy2BeAmy
by Silver Member on Feb. 8, 2013 at 7:41 PM

Yes they can change, but they need to have a wake up call that makes them make the first move, the first way to change is to recognize your faults, then you will address them. 

My husband was emotionally abusive, like BAD. I told his parents and threatened to leave him and the things his parents said to him were so powerful, he broke down, cried, became very passionate, spilled his feelings for me and couldn't say sorry enough. He hasn't said anything to hurt me ever again, it's been 2 years. Thankfully, mine was something that cleared up easily. But from my experience, YES it can happen.

also, abusiveness can be a hormonal thing. Sometimes it takes a medical examination to figure out what causes temper changes and anger, a medication or procedure can control it. There are many things and many ways for abusiveness to be addressed and corrected. 

JP-StrongForTwo
by on Feb. 8, 2013 at 7:45 PM

Yeah thats what happened with us too. i left him and was gone for two years, he got counselling and anger management and AA, and picked his life up off the floor. AND cut contact with his abusive mother! Thank god All his life she was emotionally, sexually, verbally, physically and even financially abusive until he met me well into adulthood. he has a LOT of problems because of it) 

Once he lost contact with her, spent more time with his older brother (a good man with a family and normal life away from their mother) i went to school, and then we slowly started over. we just had our 6 year anniveresary.

Im glad it worked out for you and your husband! 

Quoting Mommy2BeAmy:

Yes they can change, but they need to have a wake up call that makes them make the first move, the first way to change is to recognize your faults, then you will address them. 

My husband was emotionally abusive, like BAD. I told his parents and threatened to leave him and the things his parents said to him were so powerful, he broke down, cried, became very passionate, spilled his feelings for me and couldn't say sorry enough. He hasn't said anything to hurt me ever again, it's been 2 years. Thankfully, mine was something that cleared up easily. But from my experience, YES it can happen.

also, abusiveness can be a hormonal thing. Sometimes it takes a medical examination to figure out what causes temper changes and anger, a medication or procedure can control it. There are many things and many ways for abusiveness to be addressed and corrected. 


tooptimistic
by Kelly on Feb. 8, 2013 at 7:57 PM

Yes I think a very small percentage of them can change, but for the most part no.  

My best friends husband is abusive.  Right now he was "changed" and hasn't beat the crap out her for about a year, but it won't last, it never does.  But its not his fault.. he has explosive personality disorder.. eyes rolling.

JakeandEmmasMom
by Platinum Member on Feb. 8, 2013 at 7:58 PM
It is possible if the man is willing to do the hard work for the right reasons. I think the reason most people say he will never change is because most of the time they say they will but never actually follow through.
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