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Do you believe he can change? 


This debate really interests me. Mainly because i have such an unpopular opinion :P 


I believe ANYONE can change. 

I do believe there are people out there who will not and cannot change. 


But I dont agree when i see people say 'Abusive men cant change' 

Because that is not true, they can and have. not all certainly. And probably not even most. 


but to say that ALL abusive men are doomed to escalate and become a killer, is just extremist, and not true IMO


What are your thoughts? 

by on Feb. 8, 2013 at 7:30 PM
Replies (181-190):
Bieg9093
by Bronze Member on May. 18, 2013 at 10:42 PM

OY!   I wonder if I replied already.  If I did, I wonder if I said the same thing.

Quoting JP-StrongForTwo:

This post is almost 4 months old! 

Quoting Bieg9093:

 It's a pointless question to debate.  In all practicality, the only question that matters is "why bother with an abusive man?" 


 

JP-StrongForTwo
by on May. 18, 2013 at 10:43 PM

LOL 

Quoting Bieg9093:

OY!   I wonder if I replied already.  If I did, I wonder if I said the same thing.

Quoting JP-StrongForTwo:

This post is almost 4 months old! 

Quoting Bieg9093:

 It's a pointless question to debate.  In all practicality, the only question that matters is "why bother with an abusive man?" 


 


Arroree
by Ruby Member on May. 19, 2013 at 12:30 AM

I've never known a man with abusive tendencies to change, they either stay at the level of violence they're already at or they escalate.  I've known some to go years without being violent but in the end they always revert to the violence and after going so long without they tend to be more extreme.


LonelyJuliette
by on Jul. 17, 2013 at 9:05 AM

I hope they can change, but so far mine hasn't.  This morning I asked my husband to stop playing video games because my one and a half year old was up and wanted to watch tv, he took my sons controller and threw it at me missing me barely.....but broke it on the wall, then he threw two tv remotes at me hitting the wall.....it was less than an inch from my face each time.  Of course he called me a whore, cunt and spewed his evil venom at me in front of my scared daughter...... This is the first time she's witnessed this...... I know in my heart it's not the last either.  He also threatened to break my collector plates if I don't leave him alone.   What a start to my day. :(

survivorinohio
by René on Jul. 17, 2013 at 9:10 AM
Quoting Bieg9093:

OY!   I wonder if I replied already.  If I did, I wonder if I said the same thing.

Quoting JP-StrongForTwo:

This post is almost 4 months old! 

Quoting Bieg9093:

 It's a pointless question to debate.  In all practicality, the only question that matters is "why bother with an abusive man?" 


 

I always wonder that when I see a post thats old. I hope I am consistent lol

How far you go in life depends on your being: tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving and tolerant of both the weak and strong.  Because someday in life you would have been one or all of these.  GeorgeWashingtonCarver


survivorinohio
by René on Jul. 17, 2013 at 9:13 AM
Quoting LonelyJuliette:

I hope they can change, but so far mine hasn't.  This morning I asked my husband to stop playing video games because my one and a half year old was up and wanted to watch tv, he took my sons controller and threw it at me missing me barely.....but broke it on the wall, then he threw two tv remotes at me hitting the wall.....it was less than an inch from my face each time.  Of course he called me a whore, cunt and spewed his evil venom at me in front of my scared daughter...... This is the first time she's witnessed this...... I know in my heart it's not the last either.  He also threatened to break my collector plates if I don't leave him alone.   What a start to my day. :(

You really need to think about the impact seeing that will have on your little one. My children are 28 30 and 32 and the abuse from my first marriage really hurt them :( I left him before the oldest was 7

How far you go in life depends on your being: tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving and tolerant of both the weak and strong.  Because someday in life you would have been one or all of these.  GeorgeWashingtonCarver


LonelyJuliette
by on Jul. 17, 2013 at 11:00 AM

I honestly know what you are saying, tears running down my cheeks as I type.  I wish I could leave, but I can't, I still love the good part of him when he is on good behavior.  I'm still in love with the fairy tale.  One of my sons who is 14 idolizes his dad, he begs me to stay with his dad, and he blames me when his dad gets mad, it's always my fault in his eyes.  One of my daughters just tells me to stay away from him till he forgets but being mad and it will get better.  They want me to stay.  We have a house that if I leave him we won't have anymore, and I can't afford a house or even an apartment if I did leave.  When he is on his good behavior he can be wonderful.  But when he gets like this, it gets ugly.  I am starting a diet today, I hope to lose a lot of weight so I won't look fat and ugly anymore to him, this way he will have to come up with new names or stop calling me them altogether.  I wish I knew what I know now back when I met him, I would've ran the opposite way.....they say be careful what you wish for, I once wished upon a star that he and I would get married and have a family, I got my wish, but it came with a huge price tag. :(

survivorinohio
by René on Jul. 17, 2013 at 11:17 AM


Quoting LonelyJuliette:

I honestly know what you are saying, tears running down my cheeks as I type.  I wish I could leave, but I can't, I still love the good part of him when he is on good behavior.  I'm still in love with the fairy tale.  One of my sons who is 14 idolizes his dad, he begs me to stay with his dad, and he blames me when his dad gets mad, it's always my fault in his eyes.  One of my daughters just tells me to stay away from him till he forgets but being mad and it will get better.  They want me to stay.  We have a house that if I leave him we won't have anymore, and I can't afford a house or even an apartment if I did leave.  When he is on his good behavior he can be wonderful.  But when he gets like this, it gets ugly.  I am starting a diet today, I hope to lose a lot of weight so I won't look fat and ugly anymore to him, this way he will have to come up with new names or stop calling me them altogether.  I wish I knew what I know now back when I met him, I would've ran the opposite way.....they say be careful what you wish for, I once wished upon a star that he and I would get married and have a family, I got my wish, but it came with a huge price tag. :(

(((((((Hugs))))))) to you mama.  I will pray for you and I hope that you can find safety.

How far you go in life depends on your being: tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving and tolerant of both the weak and strong.  Because someday in life you would have been one or all of these.  GeorgeWashingtonCarver


furbabymum
by Gold Member on Jul. 17, 2013 at 11:19 AM

 I would never tell a woman who was being abused that he could change. I wouldn't want her to keep taking it thinking he could/would change.

LonelyJuliette
by on Jul. 17, 2013 at 11:33 AM

Thank you! Xo

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