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Do you believe he can change? 

This debate really interests me. Mainly because i have such an unpopular opinion :P 

I believe ANYONE can change. 

I do believe there are people out there who will not and cannot change. 

But I dont agree when i see people say 'Abusive men cant change' 

Because that is not true, they can and have. not all certainly. And probably not even most. 

but to say that ALL abusive men are doomed to escalate and become a killer, is just extremist, and not true IMO

What are your thoughts? 

by on Feb. 8, 2013 at 7:30 PM
Replies (21-30):
by on Feb. 8, 2013 at 9:37 PM
I wasn't going to take the chance.
by Gold Member on Feb. 8, 2013 at 9:43 PM

I can't say. It all depends on the person, and why they are abusive. No guanrantee either way.

For me- I personally think if someone demonstrates that character,I wouldn't give them the opportunity to find out. I do think people have basic personality traits that they can't just elimate- perhaps they can try to control it, bu tnot eliminate. I wouldn't take the risk.

by Ruby Member on Feb. 8, 2013 at 9:51 PM
1 mom liked this

They may change but I wouldn't think it was my responsibility to stick aound to help.  The truth is that while it may be possible some people are too selfish to change, and some people are too damaged and cannot.

by Gold Member on Feb. 8, 2013 at 10:00 PM


Quoting ruggy03:

WOW why do I always feel like the bitch on here.abuse is abuse mental,physical,emotional.any man who has those traits have those it worth the risk?great for a few years then snap...I dont believe people change i think they adapt to their surroundings and appease but change No....I know BOOOOO RUGGY

I totally agree. Not to say one can't forgive, but learn and move on. If they think they can change- go do it elsewhere.

I agree to about the traits, hormonal, mential illness, whatever it is... hmm, not worth it.



by Silver Member on Feb. 8, 2013 at 10:25 PM

No. It just took me confronting him with family, and really allowing myself to pour out my emotions, and the tears of his mother and dissapointment of his father. 

Quoting Debmomto2girls:

Quoting Mommy2BeAmy:

Yes they can change, but they need to have a wake up call that makes them make the first move, the first way to change is to recognize your faults, then you will address them. 

My husband was emotionally abusive, like BAD. I told his parents and threatened to leave him and the things his parents said to him were so powerful, he broke down, cried, became very passionate, spilled his feelings for me and couldn't say sorry enough. He hasn't said anything to hurt me ever again, it's been 2 years. Thankfully, mine was something that cleared up easily. But from my experience, YES it can happen.

also, abusiveness can be a hormonal thing. Sometimes it takes a medical examination to figure out what causes temper changes and anger, a medication or procedure can control it. There are many things and many ways for abusiveness to be addressed and corrected. 

Did her get therapy?

by Member on Feb. 9, 2013 at 12:22 AM

Quoting canadianmom1974:

I think they CAN, but too often they WON'T.

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by Redwood Witch on Feb. 9, 2013 at 12:26 AM
And that of your child.

Quoting katy_kay08:

Sure I think some can change but I'm not sure it's worth the risk to give any abusive man the benefit of the doubt.  I say let him change alone.    

Some bets aren't worth taking, especially when what you are betting with is your safety and your life.  

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by Ruby Member on Feb. 9, 2013 at 12:27 AM

If they want to change yes if they don't nope they will never change

by on Feb. 9, 2013 at 6:36 AM
1 mom liked this
Quoting Mommy2BeAmy:

That is rare an quite frankly hard to believe that some as emotionally abusive as your dh gets better because his parents confront him and you cry.

I hope no one reads this and thinks its okay to stay in an abusive relationship because they think it might work for them.

by on Feb. 9, 2013 at 8:45 AM

 There are some (a very small percentage) who can and do change, but it's long and hard work.  While this change is happening, it's best if the women and children involved stay physically separate.  Sometimes I wonder if a residential program similar to drug rehab might be the best place for abusers who are serious about change, but insurance would have to cover, etc.

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