Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Current Events & Hot Topics Current Events & Hot Topics

Do you believe he can change? 


This debate really interests me. Mainly because i have such an unpopular opinion :P 


I believe ANYONE can change. 

I do believe there are people out there who will not and cannot change. 


But I dont agree when i see people say 'Abusive men cant change' 

Because that is not true, they can and have. not all certainly. And probably not even most. 


but to say that ALL abusive men are doomed to escalate and become a killer, is just extremist, and not true IMO


What are your thoughts? 

by on Feb. 8, 2013 at 7:30 PM
Replies (41-50):
JP-StrongForTwo
by on Feb. 9, 2013 at 11:15 AM

Did you know that many MEN die at the hands of their abusive wives, and their wives get away with it because all she has to say is 'he hit me and i was afraid' and she can skate home free. 

Quoting Debmomto2girls:

Quoting Mommy2BeAmy:


Thousands of women die at the hands of
abusers, thousands more suffer. I think it is irresponsible and wrong to tell anyone they should stay and try to work it out.

You leave. Period.


FromAtoZ
by AllieCat on Feb. 9, 2013 at 11:15 AM

Any one can change.  I don't believe, however, that many have that within them. 

In my own experience, change takes time and energy and most importantly, admitting  you have a problem.  Some men can't get past admitting who they are in order to find out who they could be.

JP-StrongForTwo
by on Feb. 9, 2013 at 11:17 AM

Of course you are intitled to your opinion. 

But in my opinion you made it sound even worse with this wording. I think its VERY wrong to tell anyone to give up on someone they love. Especially if the potential for change is there. 

Quoting Debmomto2girls:

Quoting JP-StrongForTwo:


I think it is dead wrong to tell any woman to not
give up on an abusers. That's how they wins up dead or their children.


ms-superwoman
by Silver Member on Feb. 9, 2013 at 11:21 AM
2 moms liked this

SOME CAN change but MOST are NOT WILLING. And no some really can't change.

desertlvn
by Silver Member on Feb. 9, 2013 at 11:26 AM
1 mom liked this

I think it is possible, however once the abuse has occured the damage has been done and the woman/kids need to leave.

JP-StrongForTwo
by on Feb. 9, 2013 at 11:34 AM

THIS i agree with. I would never tell a woman to STAY with a man who is abusive. 

But if after she leaves, he realises what he has done, and TRULY wants to change, i see no reason why they cannot stay separated, but attend marriage counselling, anger management, and start over slowly back at courtship, and rebuild what was destroyed. 

I dont think a marriage built in love should be destroyed over a mistake. Even men are just human. 

 

Now, please note, that this does not apply to men who are frequent and consistent beaters, who have no interest in changing at all. 

Those men I have no problem saying 'Fuck you' 

Quoting desertlvn:

I think it is possible, however once the abuse has occured the damage has been done and the woman/kids need to leave.


Debmomto2girls
by Platinum Member on Feb. 9, 2013 at 11:57 AM
Quoting JP-StrongForTwo:


And my opinion is it is dangerous and completely
Wrong to tell any woman to stay in an abusive relationship because he might change.

Do you have daughters? I would hope you would never encourage them to
stay in an abusive relationship. That is sad

JP-StrongForTwo
by on Feb. 9, 2013 at 12:01 PM

I think you missed a few of my replies. 

And i cant tell which reply you are quoting here. sorry. 

but i never said that. quite the contrary, I agree with you in that aspect. 

but it doesnt change the fact that i believe a man deserve the chance to change and get better. 

Quoting Debmomto2girls:

Quoting JP-StrongForTwo:


And my opinion is it is dangerous and completely
Wrong to tell any woman to stay in an abusive relationship because he might change.

Do you have daughters? I would hope you would never encourage them to
stay in an abusive relationship. That is sad


Mommy2BeAmy
by Silver Member on Feb. 9, 2013 at 12:07 PM

If I took your advice then I would've left the love of my life, my provider, I wouldn't have had my new baby girl, I wouldn't be as happy as I am today.

youre saying all abusers won't change and they should be left alone because will kill. Abusers can be classified as being mentally ill so should the population ijust leave the mentally ill Instead of getting to the root of the problem we should leave these people alone and not find them help?? You're so ignorant. Do you also know that it could be a medical issue causing their disturbance/abusiveness??? Something that can be detected with a simple blood test or mri which is causing mood swings or irritability or anger? Do you know this can be regulated through medications or surgical procedures? If people were to take your advice and just leave like there is no help for them (which obviously my story proves you wrong) then they could die of an uunderlying medical issue which could've been found upon going to a doctor and explaining his issues. If you look up many disease and ailments almost always there is irritability, severe mood swings in the list of symptoms.

if people took your advice, who knows what this world would come to. Sure, unfortunately women die at the hands of abusers, but think about it, if that woman takes your advice and walks out without getting him help, or properly evaluated, he will just find another woman, or another, maybe another or another who he will kill. So instead of taking your bullshit way of just leaving, find help for them because if you just leave, thank god it didnt happen to you but it will happen to the next woman who doesn't get out fast enough. Then it all lands back in your lap for not getting them the help they needed.

Quoting Debmomto2girls:

Quoting Mommy2BeAmy:


Thousands of women die at the hands of
abusers, thousands more suffer. I think it is irresponsible and wrong to tell anyone they should stay and try to work it out.

You leave. Period.
Mommy2BeAmy
by Silver Member on Feb. 9, 2013 at 12:09 PM

I posted an article a while back about the pakistani woman who chopped up her husband, then made a human curry out him. 

Quoting JP-StrongForTwo:

Did you know that many MEN die at the hands of their abusive wives, and their wives get away with it because all she has to say is 'he hit me and i was afraid' and she can skate home free. 

Quoting Debmomto2girls:

Quoting Mommy2BeAmy:


Thousands of women die at the hands of
abusers, thousands more suffer. I think it is irresponsible and wrong to tell anyone they should stay and try to work it out.

You leave. Period.




Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN