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There's a he can change post that may give someone being abused false hope.

Anyone been abused and left?  

It would be great to hear survival stories.  :)

by on Feb. 11, 2013 at 11:59 AM
Replies (21-30):
desertlvn
by Silver Member on Feb. 11, 2013 at 6:46 PM
1 mom liked this

I was with a man who was controlling and manipulative. He was so dang good at making me think his abuse was all in my head. He would write me incredible love poems and letters, give me gifts, and wow me with love. But the other side was that he would break into my house and go through my stuff (I started to get suspicious so I put a fake entry in my diary. I wrote that I was pregnant. It became clear to me that he had been in my house uninvited when he started asking about my women's health care.) He would follow me. When I tried to break up he threatened suicide. I finally ended it for good when he raped me (He was even kind enough to tell me that it wasn't rape.)

I was with him for 3 years and he did a pretty good job fucking with my self-esteem and sense of reality.  

ShyMama0817
by Member on Feb. 11, 2013 at 6:49 PM
1 mom liked this

My ex abused me. Physical, mental and sexual abuse. I was afraid to leave him because he threatened to kill me every time I tried to leave. Called the cops 2x on him but they didn't do anything since it was his word against mine and there was no bruises on me. He was a pro at it. Hit me but never bruised me. I finally left him on Christmas Day 2004 after he threatened to kill my newly adopted cat. I was with him for 4 years....

4g4b
by Member on Feb. 11, 2013 at 7:00 PM
2 moms liked this
Ok normally i do this in a place where i can hide behind anonimity. But i believe i need to do this under my sn. It will be long sorry for that.
I met my abuser when i was 20. I was a new single mom. My dd was barely three months old. I had just been put in a homeless shelter and was scared. I had no one. He came up to me one day and introduced himself. He was a parolee. Out on parole for b&e. Hindsight says i was dumb. Anyway. I got an apartment three weeks after getting in there he followed. He drank all the time. He did drugs too. I got pregnant after we were together a short time. I saw my ob twice before delivery. He would not let me go. My dd was born healthy thank goodness. Because when i was 8 months he punched me in the hip amd said he hated the baby and hoped she died. I called his parents he swore he would never do it again. I fell for that lie 17 times. The 14th time he forced himself.on me and i got knocked up.as a result of that. The 16 th time i was playing around and he came into the kitchen and pinned me against the wall by my throat. And the 17 th he threatened to kill me an my oldest dd and run off with out dd after trying to choke me all because i would not sit next to him on the couch he held a knife from.the kitchen to my throat because i would not sit next ti him on the couch. After all this i kicked him out but went back after ds was born. I was in counseling he wad sorry. The state took my kids for that. The judge told me it is him or your kids. I chose my kids. But the day i went to tell him it was over he held me hostage by the throat and refused to let me leave he said i was his and if he could not have me no one could. My friend kickd in the door and pushed him down daring him to get up. That was my out. I almost died because i believed his lies. After i got my kids back and meet the love of my life we have been together for almost 10 years. I also should mention on a side note i suffer from crippling ptsd because of this. But i dont get hit anymore. Hope this helps. And it felt kinda good to get out. Thanks for posting this:)
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survivorinohio
by René on Feb. 11, 2013 at 7:14 PM
1 mom liked this

My ex husband was incredibly abusive.  He always shocked me with the level it would reach.  I was way young, 14 when we got together and I didnt leave for good until I was 20.  I was hospitalized a number of times due to his abuse and suffers a lot of broken bones as well as permanent damage to my throat/voicebox.

I was truly terrorized on many occasions.  A judge once screamed at him over the shape I was in.

It took about 10 yrs longer for me to even begin to recover.

stacymomof2
by Ruby Member on Feb. 11, 2013 at 7:21 PM
2 moms liked this

A lot of very hard stories in here.  Abusive husbands/boyfriends are extremely dangerous.  I was never in a physically abusive relationship but my ex husband was extremely controlling and at times I felt it could go that way.  His older brother was abusive to his wife and his father was a total controlling asshole, who knows if he was physically abusive to his wife or not.  (My gut said yes but I never got confirmation.)

I remember one particularly ugly fight where I stuck my chin out and dared him to hit me (he was throwing things around and punching walls like an idiot.)  He didn't, lucky for me.  But I left him anyway, and found a loving and gentle husband who respects me (and himself) too much to try to threaten and control me.  

Euphoric
by Bazinga! on Feb. 11, 2013 at 7:52 PM
1 mom liked this

Yes my ex was abusive, very verbally and occasionly physically. I'm now married to a wonderful man.

LindaClement
by Thatwoman on Feb. 11, 2013 at 8:53 PM

They can change.

Swearing to it is unlikely to be the method that works. In fact, most people change in silence.

Quoting Debmomto2girls:

My sister was by her first dh. He swore he would change, bullshit. She did leave and married a wonderful man. Her abuser remarried and did the same thing.

They do not change


LindaClement
by Thatwoman on Feb. 11, 2013 at 8:55 PM

A friend calls this 'gas-lighting' after the movie about the guy who drives his wife nuts.

What you describe is essentially psychopathic behaviour --little self-control coupled with a real talent for manipulation.

Quoting desertlvn:

I was with a man who was controlling and manipulative. He was so dang good at making me think his abuse was all in my head. He would write me incredible love poems and letters, give me gifts, and wow me with love. But the other side was that he would break into my house and go through my stuff (I started to get suspicious so I put a fake entry in my diary. I wrote that I was pregnant. It became clear to me that he had been in my house uninvited when he started asking about my women's health care.) He would follow me. When I tried to break up he threatened suicide. I finally ended it for good when he raped me (He was even kind enough to tell me that it wasn't rape.)

I was with him for 3 years and he did a pretty good job fucking with my self-esteem and sense of reality.  


tooptimistic
by Kelly on Feb. 11, 2013 at 10:36 PM

BUMP!

jlo1313
by Silver Member on Feb. 11, 2013 at 10:42 PM

9 years of marriage, 4 separations and I finally got out.  The biggest part is breaking the mental cycle of abuse, leaving is the easy part.

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