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Tell me YOUR gut, if these were your shoes

Posted by on Feb. 18, 2013 at 10:59 AM
  • 134 Replies
1 mom liked this

 If you have a 22 year old daughter who has been diagnosed with schizophrenia and you also have a teen daughter who has no issues, mental or otherwise, would YOU choose to keep the older child in your care?

No father in picture. Mom works FT outside of home.

Older daughter has shown violent behavior and has gone as far as to sell things from the home, as in TV and PC's. This young lady has no job, has a revoked driver's license and no vehicle.

She spends her days sobbing uncontrollably and refuses to see her psychiatrist, and often refuses her meds.

She frequently shows up at her mother's place of employment for reasons like "she is hungry" and there is a fridge full of food at home.

The MOM in this case has made it clear to me and others that she will NEVER place this daughter in a home outside of hers. She feels it is HER FULL responsibility, lifetime, to care for this daughter.

What would YOU do in a case like this, as the parent?

Could you live with yourself if you made the choice to admit your child into a facility for the mentally impaired?

(I know of another mom who refused to kick her 18 y/o drug doing thieving son out of the house because she "could not handle knowing her kid is on the streets")

I am VERY curious how the moms here will approach this topic.

by on Feb. 18, 2013 at 10:59 AM
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Replies (1-10):
katy_kay08
by on Feb. 18, 2013 at 11:05 AM
11 moms liked this

As hard at ast it might be, I would make it clear that to live in my home under she needs to be on her meds and seeking regular treatment for her mental illness, violence towards herself or others in the home would not be tolerated and non compliance with these rules would result in her being removed from my home.  

It would be very difficult to put her out of the home but I can say from my own personal experience that as a parent we sometimes have to pick the safety and welling being of our other children over the coddling of the another.  

The_Doodle
by Member on Feb. 18, 2013 at 11:07 AM
2 moms liked this

If she refused treatment and meds, I would not let her live with me. She is an adult and needs to act like one. The deal breaker would have been the second she started stealing from my home.

Ziva65
by Gold Member on Feb. 18, 2013 at 11:08 AM
4 moms liked this

I would pay everything I could possibly afford to get her professional help, even if it means getting her on a 5150 and declaring her a danger to herself/ others, in order to get her into a short term psych facility. After that, we'd see. There has to be firm guidelines and parameters. And overall, yes, I would see it as my responsibility. Sometimes, though, they have to reach absolute rock bottom in order to be willing to make a change.

Euphoric
by Bazinga! on Feb. 18, 2013 at 11:10 AM
2 moms liked this

 This is a hard one. I think I would have her place in a facility. To be honest I don't think I'd be strong enough to handle that situation myself.

Lcherniske
by Member on Feb. 18, 2013 at 11:11 AM
2 moms liked this
It is a very hard situation. Sometimes when you set an ultimatum such as, " you can't come unless you take meds" they will wander around homeless and it still negatively impacts your life. I have a brother in this situation. My mom.will do nothing to help. The police will not pick them up to hospitalize them unless they are an "immediate danger" and once they are they will more likely put them in jail instead. You do what you can. I think the uktimate anser is to get conservatorship but it is difficult and expensive. Please don't judge unless you have been in their shoes.
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mehamil1
by Platinum Member on Feb. 18, 2013 at 11:12 AM

I honestly have no idea how I would react since I have never been in that situation. However, knowing myself as I am now, I'd have her put into a facility. If I had the means to of course. 

survivorinohio
by René on Feb. 18, 2013 at 11:12 AM

As long as she was not a danger I would feel the same sense of responsibility I think.  Having a child with mental health issues isnt something we plan on or can change and it doesnt cancel out parental responsibility.  Would you ask this is the child were downs syndrome or another mentally debillitating condition?

As for the drug use no I would not tolerate it,

I actually had to choose at one point and my dd does not live here but today I would havew her back without many reservations, it was not that way in the past.

Its tough when the problems are based in mental illness and the behaviors are dangerous, like as in drugs and drinking and so on.  I have the ultimate responsibility to keep my home safe and sound but I will always want my child safe and sound as well so it leaves one pretty conflicted.

The behaviors you describe with the girl sound like a hassle sometimes but not dangerous.


little.worthen
by Tess on Feb. 18, 2013 at 11:13 AM
Unless I could stay home ALL the time and have doctors/therapists making house calls and giving her constant supervision then I would feel obligated to place her in a center where she can be cared for properly. Otherwise I could be making things worse by keeping her at home.
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ChancesMommy07
by Silver Member on Feb. 18, 2013 at 11:14 AM
1 mom liked this

I'd do everything I could to get her help but I wouldn't allow her to be in my home if she was getting violent. After years of dealing with a schizophrenic MIL I probably wouldn't hold out much hope about getting her getting the real help she needed though. Mental Health care in this country is a joke.

survivorinohio
by René on Feb. 18, 2013 at 11:15 AM


Quoting katy_kay08:

As hard at ast it might be, I would make it clear that to live in my home under she needs to be on her meds and seeking regular treatment for her mental illness, violence towards herself or others in the home would not be tolerated and non compliance with these rules would result in her being removed from my home.  

It would be very difficult to put her out of the home but I can say from my own personal experience that as a parent we sometimes have to pick the safety and welling being of our other children over the coddling of the another.  

What do you know, we agree on this lol.

How far you go in life depends on your being: tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving and tolerant of both the weak and strong.  Because someday in life you would have been one or all of these.  GeorgeWashingtonCarver


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