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Suicide Note

Posted by on Feb. 20, 2013 at 8:35 AM
  • 60 Replies
3 moms liked this

I think the message in this is worth the read on here.  This was Alex Rodecap.  His dad was a classmate of mine and a friend for years.  He is referring to a girl from his class who died the day before.  He got a gun and left another note and the schools in the county I went to school were on lockdown yesterday until he was found in Muncie Indiana, dead in a house. 


I sometimes wish that people could understand me. I wish they could understand that I'm not a monster. I wish they could understand that I mean no harm. I wish they could understand who I am amd what I want to do in life. But I guess not everything can turn out the way we want it. At least, that's how things seem to be around here. I wish that wasn't the case.

Now, here I am; sitting at some desk in am empty hallway (with the exception of the few adults who walk by every now and again to check on me). No one is here to talk to me, no one is here to play with me, and I imagine for the next few days, no one would even want to do anything with me. This isn't the first time that I've been left all alone, unfortunately. Yet, at the same time, it isn't the first time that everyone around me feels like they've been stranded.

On February 18, 2013, Tabby Meade had passed away in her home. The news spread like wildfire, reaching past the boundaries of Dekalb County. The next day, everybody scheduled a black-out day in memory of her. I received this news, but I questioned why everyone would wear black to honour one of their close friends.

I understand that everyone thought it was respectful to wear black to mourn the one who passed, but the one thing I didn't understand was why. Why would you want to remember your friend with a colour associated with depression, liknked with fear, and paralleled with emptiness? Why would you want to show people that you're sad and hold back tears of sorrow now that your friend is gone? Why would you want to remember somebody in such a meloncholy, infectious way? I don't want to remember anyone like that.

Why wouldn't you want to cherish all the fun times you had spent with that person? Why wouldn't you want to focus on keeping their presence an optimistic thing? Why wouldn't you want to be happy and cheerful that such a friend even existed? Why be sad that they're gone when there are countless reasons to be happy that they were here?

Honestly, I didn't know Tabby. I couldn't even remember her face until I looked her up on Facebook. She sounded like a nice person, and I wish I would have taken time to get to know her. I felt bad because I wasn't as emotionally attached as everybody else was. But as I scanned through her information page, I saw something spectacular. It was a quote from her biography.

"The only way to be truly happy in life is not to dwell over the bad things, and celebrate and smile over the good things."

The passage ended with a smiley face. It really got me thinking about everything, whether or not it was all right. After pondering for a few moments, I decided that something was wrong. It wasn't the peoploe for caring about their friend. It wasn't me for not knowing Tabby well enough to cry. It wasn't Tabby for leaving us all behind without any notice. It was everyone, for looking at life the wrong way and being blinded this whole time.

Life is a beautiful thing. It's something that needs to be cherished. It's something that we should hold close to us for ever. Not everybody can see that [and sometimes, even I don't]. Why don't we show people that life is special? Why don't we love what we have and continue to carry things that have passed on? Why can't the world see with their hearts instead of their minds and eyes? I wanted to show people that. So I went to school on black-out day.

I went to school wearing all white.

As I walked into the double-doors of the school, I instantly started getting dirty looks from all the other kids. Someone told me as a I walked past that it was a bad idea. I didn't agree. I kept walking, holding my head with pride as hallways and stairwells went silent. Kids were cursing me out and flipping me off both to my fce and behind my back. The only two peopl walking by my side were my two best friends, Adrian Bell and Ethan Warner, ready to stand up and guard me with every step we took.

Camille Day ran up to me screaming, asking me if I thought the whole situation was funny. Although it was almost humourous to see someone so unaware, so insensitive, and so unattentive to my cause, I still told her that there was absolutely nothing funny about death. She further questioned me, still screaming relentlessly, about why I was wearing white on such a sad occassion. I proceeded to reach into my back pocket and pull out a slip of paper. "This is why," I said, and I read to her the quote I found on Tabby's Facebook page. "She was a good thing."

And with that, I walked away from her, leaving her in the middle of the hallway for her own friend to come by and comfort her. I don't regret it either. I wasn't being mean. I was being the bigger person.

Walking to first period didn't change anything. I was still being call deragotory names and being insulsted for caring about someone I knew almost nothing about. When I arrived at first period, somebody actually understood my cause. They asked me to clarify, I did, and they called me a strong person for believing my actions. I smiled, thanked them, and class began.

After class ended, nothing changed from then to second period. Second period ended, and I headed to third period. My teacher had given me an office pass and told me to go down immediately. I did as I was told, and walked to the principal's office. He walked in almost the same time and told me I was creating a problem. And it was because of my white outfit. Apparently, almost every student in the school had came and said I was offending them. If only I understood why people were offended by love.

So I ended up here; sitting at some desk in an empty hallway (with the exception of the few adults that walk by every now and again to check on me). I don't regret anything I did today. I never will. I didn't do this to offend anyone. I didn't do this because I'm heartless. I didn't do this because I'm rebellious. I did this because I care. I did this because I love. I did this to make an impact, to make a difference, to make a mark in people's hearts. And judging by the kid who shook my hand and congratulated me moments ago, I did for at least one heart.

I won't dwell over Tabby leaving. I won't dwell on anyone in the future leaving. I won't forget those people. I will keep them close to my heart for ever. I'm going to celebrate and smile over the good things.
by on Feb. 20, 2013 at 8:35 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Carpy
by Ruby Member on Feb. 20, 2013 at 8:36 AM
2 moms liked this





http://www.indianasnewscenter.com/news/local/Lock-Down-School-In-DeKalb-County-191822451.html
stormcris
by Christy on Feb. 20, 2013 at 8:42 AM
3 moms liked this

*sigh* People are stupid. It is not for anyone to tell a person how to pay their respects to the deceased and setting someone out in a hall because they chose a different way was wrong. I doubt they will feel anything at all bad about their behavior because really people feel so self justified in making others feel ashamed of who they are.

Carpy
by Ruby Member on Feb. 20, 2013 at 8:49 AM

It is a sad end to a childs life.

Quoting stormcris:

*sigh* People are stupid. It is not for anyone to tell a person how to pay their respects to the deceased and setting someone out in a hall because they chose a different way was wrong. I doubt they will feel anything at all bad about their behavior because really people feel so self justified in making others feel ashamed of who they are.


LaughingTattoo
by Member on Feb. 20, 2013 at 8:52 AM

:(

Mrs.Missi
by Member on Feb. 20, 2013 at 8:55 AM
So sad,some kids are so cruel.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
survivorinohio
by René on Feb. 20, 2013 at 8:59 AM

Very sad.

IhaveHisjoy
by Silver Member on Feb. 20, 2013 at 9:01 AM
7 moms liked this

 How incredibly sad that the boy who had it right ended his own life! This brought tears...

I am SO sick of this pc world. The consideration for the drama (wearing black was drama imo)..over the consideration for a kid showing love. Just disgusting!

 

Along his line of thinking...At my grandmothers funeral my dad stood up and in a kind and loving way told everyone to knock it off..the acting like this was a horrible day, the acting like life is over for us left behind. He reminded everyone that we should be singing and praising. Being thankful for the 90 some years we had with this incredible woman. She spent her life trying to bring ppl to Christ and now that she's standing before her Savior we are upset??? He then started singing songs of joy! Best funeral ever!

sneffy014
by Bronze Member on Feb. 20, 2013 at 9:08 AM
1 mom liked this

Very sad story. My heart goes out to all the families involved.

lizzielouaf
by Gold Member on Feb. 20, 2013 at 9:20 AM

Was this written by Alex Rodecap?

Carpy
by Ruby Member on Feb. 20, 2013 at 9:24 AM

Yes.

Quoting lizzielouaf:

Was this written by Alex Rodecap?


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