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Last week, as part of a cultural discovery project for one of my classes, I spent three days wearing ‘girls’ clothes while going about my day. I wanted to explo...re the general reaction and preconceptions that people in my city have to clothing, especially in regards to gender. To me, the idea that a piece of fabric or accessory can be so intertwined with who are in our conscious is perplexing. I didn’t want to show off, or offend anyone by my act of curiosity. Rather, I wanted to act as a meticulous observer of the times, to see if the community around me was really as open-minded as I wanted to believe that it was. After all, if such things really only had a place in the realm of high-fashion and in Scottish tradition, then something bigger must be at work.

On the first day, I wore a long-sleeve pink top cropped at the collarbone. I received many compliments, a few glares and even a free Venti gingerbread latte. On the second, I rocked a pink blouse with a high-waisted belt. Again, the same amount of well-wishes, questions and passing eye-rolls. These things were to be expected, as it isn’t necessarily the norm to see someone like me wearing things like these. I felt collected and confident in these modest outfits, seemingly convinced that the world around me could care less about the clothes someone wore. Most affirming was the response to my nails, which were almost always met with a cheerful grin, a high-five and a few words of encouragement.

What happened on the third day changed my perspective on humanity forever. I dressed myself as I normally would; band t-shirt, cardigan, plain Vans, etc. However, instead of black jeans, I complimented the outfit with a plain black skirt and matching set of tights. For me, this was a huge step in self-image. Years ago, I was barely confident enough to leave the house for school. These days, the opposite couldn’t be more true. As I set off about my day, the absolute worst in people came out in a full-force flurry of expletives and discomfort. I was ridiculed in whispers. I was mocked in glances. I was obnoxiously and filthily cat-called by a construction crew who, from behind, couldn’t tell that I was a man. Stopping by a bathroom before a lecture, a frat-bro went out of his way to shove me into the adjacent wall after eyeing me up and down on his way out. Expletives and names that might induce me to vomit were I to repeat them, were casually thrown in my direction with almost zero passing thought. By day’s end, I feared a full-on breakdown, unable to stand up for myself or what I believed in to maintain the integrity of the observer’s perspective. In a way, I had no right to feel that way, mostly because of the realization that this is the way that many have to live their lives. I fought back tears as every stare and ill-formed word engrained themselves in my sub-conscious.

Though I may not know you, I think that it’s important that we all come to understand why these things happen. In my book, cat-calling, shaming and harassment are among the worst actions we can engage in. As a heterosexual male, I will never truly know the fear that women may experience while walking home from work, going see a friend for lunch, or being sized-up in public based on their clothing. I will never truly know the gut-rot that a transgender individual may feel while being eyed up and down at the store or in class, strangers seeming to think as if the clothing they see before them begs a legal invitation of ridicule. I will never truly know the plights of these people, but as an ally and a human being invested in true equality, it is now my obligation to stand up for them as if I did.

What scares me the most is not the glances, mixed emotions, or 10-page paper that will inevitably come as a by-product of this project. No, what scares me is that this is the world we live in. We exist in a place where individuals living their truths can be subjected, directly or otherwise, to fear simply for living those truths. We live in an age where feeling ‘normal’ in your own clothing can create unfathomable contention with strangers, despite them having zero investment in their lives. We live in a world where the material, the fabric, the pieces that adorn you are somehow allowed to say more about who you are than the convictions in your heart and the sincerity in your deeds.

I don’t know about you, but I refuse that world. I refuse to let these things overcome the passion and genuine honesty that I’ve been so fortunate to bear witness to in my time. I refuse to let backwards, unprogressive mindsets stifle the glow and drive of those who are undeservingly robbed of it. Don’t say it can’t happen to you. If it happened to me, under the most average of circumstances on the streets in a progressive-leaning city, it could happen to anyone, and that is something I truly do not understand.

After all, it’s just a skirt.

What is it about a piece of inanimate, plain fabric that scares you so much?

-Tommy
by on Mar. 6, 2013 at 11:13 PM
Replies (91-100):
talia-mom
by Gold Member on Mar. 8, 2013 at 3:05 PM
That isn't mocking.


Quoting stormcris:

Bullying includes actions such as making threats, spreading rumors, attacking someone physically or verbally, and excluding someone from a group on purpose.

The fact that it is against the law and where or not a person gets arrested over it are two different things. 

Harrassement has been on the books for some time though in almost every if not every state and jurisdiction. Mocking someone is harrassement.

http://www.stopbullying.gov/laws/index.html

Quoting talia-mom:

Can you please site the source, because people constantly mock others on here and I guess they need to be arrested?



Quoting stormcris:

It is part of the bullying laws.

Quoting talia-mom:

Mocking someone is a criminal act?  Since when?



Quoting stormcris:

Those "consequences" you mentioned are crimimal acts though.

Quoting inspain:

In a perfect world, you'd be right.

But we don't live in a perfect world.

Fact is, conforming is the ONLY way to fit in.

If you choose not to conform, you choose not to fit in and you must accept the consequences.  You may end up marginalized or mocked or mimicked.  You never know.  But you definitely will  NOT FIT IN.

Quoting parentalrights1:

Are you gonna sit there and pretend to be the good rational one now?



People shouldn't have to conform to fit in.
I don't care about what you think the real world is. If the real world is shorty then it needs to change because it can. It's people like you that want to keep it shitty. You lack empathy and understanding





Quoting TranquilMind:

 On second thought, never mind.  




















Posted on CafeMom Mobile
stormcris
by Christy on Mar. 8, 2013 at 3:16 PM

Man Sentenced to Jail After Mocking Disabled Girl

That charge was aggravated menicing in this case 

The EEOC define harrassment as

Offensive conduct may include, but is not limited to, offensive jokes, slurs, epithets or name calling, physical assaults or threats, intimidation, ridicule or mockery, insults or put-downs, offensive objects or pictures, and interference with work performance.  

...that would be intimidating, hostile, or offensive to reasonable people.

Quoting talia-mom:

That isn't mocking.


Quoting stormcris:

Bullying includes actions such as making threats, spreading rumors, attacking someone physically or verbally, and excluding someone from a group on purpose.

The fact that it is against the law and where or not a person gets arrested over it are two different things. 

Harrassement has been on the books for some time though in almost every if not every state and jurisdiction. Mocking someone is harrassement.

http://www.stopbullying.gov/laws/index.html

Quoting talia-mom:

Can you please site the source, because people constantly mock others on here and I guess they need to be arrested?



Quoting stormcris:

It is part of the bullying laws.

Quoting talia-mom:

Mocking someone is a criminal act?  Since when?



Quoting stormcris:

Those "consequences" you mentioned are crimimal acts though.

Quoting inspain:

In a perfect world, you'd be right.

But we don't live in a perfect world.

Fact is, conforming is the ONLY way to fit in.

If you choose not to conform, you choose not to fit in and you must accept the consequences.  You may end up marginalized or mocked or mimicked.  You never know.  But you definitely will  NOT FIT IN.

Quoting parentalrights1:

Are you gonna sit there and pretend to be the good rational one now?



People shouldn't have to conform to fit in.
I don't care about what you think the real world is. If the real world is shorty then it needs to change because it can. It's people like you that want to keep it shitty. You lack empathy and understanding





Quoting TranquilMind:

 On second thought, never mind.  





















talia-mom
by Gold Member on Mar. 8, 2013 at 3:18 PM
Then our country is screwed if you can go to jail for mocking a dumbass that deserves it


Quoting stormcris:

Man Sentenced to Jail After Mocking Disabled Girl

That charge was aggravated menicing in this case 

The EEOC define harrassment as

Offensive conduct may include, but is not limited to, offensive jokes, slurs, epithets or name calling, physical assaults or threats, intimidation, ridicule or mockery, insults or put-downs, offensive objects or pictures, and interference with work performance.  

...that would be intimidating, hostile, or offensive to reasonable people.

Quoting talia-mom:

That isn't mocking.





Quoting stormcris:

Bullying includes actions such as making threats, spreading rumors, attacking someone physically or verbally, and excluding someone from a group on purpose.

The fact that it is against the law and where or not a person gets arrested over it are two different things. 

Harrassement has been on the books for some time though in almost every if not every state and jurisdiction. Mocking someone is harrassement.

http://www.stopbullying.gov/laws/index.html

Quoting talia-mom:

Can you please site the source, because people constantly mock others on here and I guess they need to be arrested?




Quoting stormcris:

It is part of the bullying laws.

Quoting talia-mom:

Mocking someone is a criminal act?  Since when?




Quoting stormcris:

Those "consequences" you mentioned are crimimal acts though.

Quoting inspain:

In a perfect world, you'd be right.

But we don't live in a perfect world.

Fact is, conforming is the ONLY way to fit in.

If you choose not to conform, you choose not to fit in and you must accept the consequences.  You may end up marginalized or mocked or mimicked.  You never know.  But you definitely will  NOT FIT IN.

Quoting parentalrights1:

Are you gonna sit there and pretend to be the good rational one now?





People shouldn't have to conform to fit in.
I don't care about what you think the real world is. If the real world is shorty then it needs to change because it can. It's people like you that want to keep it shitty. You lack empathy and understanding








Quoting TranquilMind:

 On second thought, never mind.  




























Posted on CafeMom Mobile
muslimahpj
by Ruby Member on Mar. 8, 2013 at 3:19 PM

Then you dont live in reality. I deal with it every day when I step out the front door. 

Quoting TranquilMind:

 Well, I disagree with that.  I think most people are far too self-involved to give a darn about what other people are doing and wearing, especially out in the world.  I think a guy in a skirt could walk by 75% of the people out there and go unnoticed entirely.  Most people can't even look up from their cell phones long enough to drive somewhere or even pay attention to their child who is climbing out of his carseat or grocery cart.  I see it every day.

I think incidents of violence and nasty remarks are relatively rare, which is why they are newsworthy.

Even this guy here admits getting high fives and free coffee for wearing women's clothes and looking ridiculous - up to the point where he wears a skirt (he says). 

Quoting muslimahpj:

No, it isnt. People get judged by what they wear and how they look all the time. 

Quoting TranquilMind:


And that's pretty much the way it really is, in the real world. 

Quoting glitterteaz:

What business is it of ours to judge anyone so long as they are not hurting someone weaker than themselves?







stormcris
by Christy on Mar. 8, 2013 at 3:21 PM
1 mom liked this

Why should it be your right to degrade another person?

What purpose does it serve?

Quoting talia-mom:

Then our country is screwed if you can go to jail for mocking a dumbass that deserves it


Quoting stormcris:

Man Sentenced to Jail After Mocking Disabled Girl

That charge was aggravated menicing in this case 

The EEOC define harrassment as

Offensive conduct may include, but is not limited to, offensive jokes, slurs, epithets or name calling, physical assaults or threats, intimidation, ridicule or mockery, insults or put-downs, offensive objects or pictures, and interference with work performance.  

...that would be intimidating, hostile, or offensive to reasonable people.

Quoting talia-mom:

That isn't mocking.



















thecoffeefairy
by Bronze Member on Mar. 8, 2013 at 3:25 PM
I saw a guy wearing jeans, super cute high heels, a crop denim jacket and purse along with his chin scruff. The chin scruff threw me a bit but no one seemed to even notice him in broad daylight, oklahoma.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
talia-mom
by Gold Member on Mar. 8, 2013 at 3:27 PM
Why does it have to serve a purpose other than the person wants to mock th em?

Are we now going to have thought police and telling people you have to be nice at all times?

Whatever happened to letting people just be asses because we have freedom in this country?


Quoting stormcris:

Why should it be your right to degrade another person?

What purpose does it serve?

Quoting talia-mom:

Then our country is screwed if you can go to jail for mocking a dumbass that deserves it





Quoting stormcris:

Man Sentenced to Jail After Mocking Disabled Girl

That charge was aggravated menicing in this case 

The EEOC define harrassment as

Offensive conduct may include, but is not limited to, offensive jokes, slurs, epithets or name calling, physical assaults or threats, intimidation, ridicule or mockery, insults or put-downs, offensive objects or pictures, and interference with work performance.  

...that would be intimidating, hostile, or offensive to reasonable people.

Quoting talia-mom:

That isn't mocking.



























Posted on CafeMom Mobile
inspain
by Member on Mar. 8, 2013 at 3:28 PM

Wow.  So, now mimicking someone by admiring their style and adopting it for yourself is a crime too.  Who'da thunk!

And, the more common forms of marginalizing or mocking, ignoring, eye-rolls, comments, those have to be addressed as criminal?  Again, had no idea.  

So everything is a crime requiring the cops or a lawyer now?  Hmmm.

Quoting stormcris:

Yes they are did you not realize that is all bullying? The only state that it may not be criminal in is MT and even they have laws that could cover the action.

Quoting inspain:

None that I mentioned are criminal acts.

Violence is a posibility and a criminal act, but not the most common reaction.

Quoting stormcris:

Those "consequences" you mentioned are crimimal acts though.

Quoting inspain:

In a perfect world, you'd be right.

But we don't live in a perfect world.

Fact is, conforming is the ONLY way to fit in.

If you choose not to conform, you choose not to fit in and you must accept the consequences.  You may end up marginalized or mocked or mimicked.  You never know.  But you definitely will  NOT FIT IN.

Quoting parentalrights1:

Are you gonna sit there and pretend to be the good rational one now?

People shouldn't have to conform to fit in. I don't care about what you think the real world is. If the real world is shorty then it needs to change because it can. It's people like you that want to keep it shitty. You lack empathy and understanding


Quoting TranquilMind:

 On second thought, never mind.  











stormcris
by Christy on Mar. 8, 2013 at 3:31 PM

It isn't about thought police. I asked the question because often when people realize the reason behind their behavior a percentage changes that behavior. The others still feel justified in their line of action because somehow it gives the illusion of superiority. 

Your freedom in this country only extends so far as it does not limit someone else's freedom... Life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. 

Quoting talia-mom:

Why does it have to serve a purpose other than the person wants to mock th em?

Are we now going to have thought police and telling people you have to be nice at all times?

Whatever happened to letting people just be asses because we have freedom in this country?


Quoting stormcris:

Why should it be your right to degrade another person?

What purpose does it serve?

Quoting talia-mom:

Then our country is screwed if you can go to jail for mocking a dumbass that deserves it





Quoting stormcris:

Man Sentenced to Jail After Mocking Disabled Girl

That charge was aggravated menicing in this case 

The EEOC define harrassment as

Offensive conduct may include, but is not limited to, offensive jokes, slurs, epithets or name calling, physical assaults or threats, intimidation, ridicule or mockery, insults or put-downs, offensive objects or pictures, and interference with work performance.  

...that would be intimidating, hostile, or offensive to reasonable people.

Quoting talia-mom:

That isn't mocking.




























stormcris
by Christy on Mar. 8, 2013 at 3:42 PM

You can mimic to admire and you can mimic to ridicule. These things are seldom prosecuted despite being a crime. You roll your eyes at someone it is a slight no one is going to run to the police. Ignoring a person ...can get you fired but otherwise isn't generally a crime unless you are ignoring them dying in the street because of a condition of self.  Comments...if someone called you a derogatory word you may ignore the one but if someone followed you around calling you a B**ch then you would most likely called the police. Then again you might punch them for all I know but in order not to be committing a crime yourself you call the police. 

Quoting inspain:

Wow.  So, now mimicking someone by admiring their style and adopting it for yourself is a crime too.  Who'da thunk!

And, the more common forms of marginalizing or mocking, ignoring, eye-rolls, comments, those have to be addressed as criminal?  Again, had no idea.  

So everything is a crime requiring the cops or a lawyer now?  Hmmm.

Quoting stormcris:

Yes they are did you not realize that is all bullying? The only state that it may not be criminal in is MT and even they have laws that could cover the action.

Quoting inspain:

None that I mentioned are criminal acts.

Violence is a posibility and a criminal act, but not the most common reaction.

Quoting stormcris:

Those "consequences" you mentioned are crimimal acts though.

Quoting inspain:

In a perfect world, you'd be right.

But we don't live in a perfect world.

Fact is, conforming is the ONLY way to fit in.

If you choose not to conform, you choose not to fit in and you must accept the consequences.  You may end up marginalized or mocked or mimicked.  You never know.  But you definitely will  NOT FIT IN.

Quoting parentalrights1:

Are you gonna sit there and pretend to be the good rational one now?

People shouldn't have to conform to fit in. I don't care about what you think the real world is. If the real world is shorty then it needs to change because it can. It's people like you that want to keep it shitty. You lack empathy and understanding


Quoting TranquilMind:

 On second thought, never mind.  












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