Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Current Events & Hot Topics Current Events & Hot Topics

If your husband/significant other has an affair, is it any of your business?

Posted by   + Show Post
Another poster got me thinking...she basically believes that anything she does is her own business and not her husband's and everything her husband does that he chooses to keep to himself is his private business and not hers. They have no right to each others privacy.

So, if your husband has an affair or several is it any if your business? Why or why not?
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by on Mar. 10, 2013 at 3:17 PM
Replies (31-40):
tifbrown
by on Mar. 10, 2013 at 5:40 PM

Not that I think he would be attracted to a dirty slut, I just would automatically label her one out of hatred and anger. Whether or not it was true would be irrelevant if he cheated. In my mind she would automatically be one. And, as to whether or not I would live with someone with a disease, it would really depend what it was and how it was passed on.

Quoting LindaClement:

Living with other people also puts you at risk and exposure to every other kind of infection and communicable disease... from hepatitis to TB.

I suppose my question is: would you live with someone with any kind of contagious disease?

Interesting point: the only person whom you expect anyone who is committed to you would be attracted to is a 'dirty slut'?

Quoting tifbrown:

Absolutely. We committed to fidelity. And, not only that, it puts me at risk and exposure to dirty slut germs.



EireLass
by Ruby Member on Mar. 10, 2013 at 5:45 PM

By your example....how would you know where you got it?

Quoting Paperfishies:

Fidelity matters to most people. If I caught herpes from a toilet seat, yeah I would be pissed off...

If I caught herpes from my husband because he was screwing the woman next door, I would be hurt, pissed and a million other things. I don't trust toilet seats, toilet seats don't owe me anything...I trust my husband and he owes me fidelity.
Quoting LindaClement:

You're rather assuming that whoever my husband --who I have reason to believe has rather good taste in women-- is very likely to have untreated STDs.If dh contracted HepA in a foreign country (he's in the navy, it's epidemic in some places and very hard to avoid) and passed it on to me before he found out ... then what?How would that be any different TO ME to what you're offering in the way of possibilities?

Quoting amylovesnick07:

Not trying to be rude I promise but what would happen if your DH was sleeping around and he gave you some STD's or HIV? That isn't any of your business either?
Quoting LindaClement:

It isn't.Just as muslimahpj said.

Quoting Paperfishies:

She also went on to state that if he or she chooses NOT to share something they have done it is not any of the other spouses business.
Quoting muslimahpj:

If I remember the convo correctly, the other person stated that if they were in therapy to try to work on their relationship, what would either party gain from knowing about the affair, correct?  If that is the scenario, in a way, I agree with her. If they are already trying to work things out, why bring that out in the open and cause even more pain? Sometimes it's not always best to 'let it all out', especially if there are selfish motives involved.

plainjane55
by on Mar. 10, 2013 at 5:46 PM

 What he does is my business and what I do is his business. We work as a team.

lwalker270
by Bronze Member on Mar. 10, 2013 at 5:47 PM
1 mom liked this

Just when I think I've heard it all...

Oh, yes. It is my business.

Paperfishies
by Silver Member on Mar. 10, 2013 at 5:48 PM
I posted that assuming I would know about his affair


Quoting EireLass:

By your example....how would you know where you got it?

Quoting Paperfishies:

Fidelity matters to most people. If I caught herpes from a toilet seat, yeah I would be pissed off...



If I caught herpes from my husband because he was screwing the woman next door, I would be hurt, pissed and a million other things. I don't trust toilet seats, toilet seats don't owe me anything...I trust my husband and he owes me fidelity.

Quoting LindaClement:

You're rather assuming that whoever my husband --who I have reason to believe has rather good taste in women-- is very likely to have untreated STDs.If dh contracted HepA in a foreign country (he's in the navy, it's epidemic in some places and very hard to avoid) and passed it on to me before he found out ... then what?How would that be any different TO ME to what you're offering in the way of possibilities?

Quoting amylovesnick07:

Not trying to be rude I promise but what would happen if your DH was sleeping around and he gave you some STD's or HIV? That isn't any of your business either?

Quoting LindaClement:

It isn't.Just as muslimahpj said.

Quoting Paperfishies:

She also went on to state that if he or she chooses NOT to share something they have done it is not any of the other spouses business.

Quoting muslimahpj:

If I remember the convo correctly, the other person stated that if they were in therapy to try to work on their relationship, what would either party gain from knowing about the affair, correct?  If that is the scenario, in a way, I agree with her. If they are already trying to work things out, why bring that out in the open and cause even more pain? Sometimes it's not always best to 'let it all out', especially if there are selfish motives involved.


Posted on CafeMom Mobile
RhiannonMare
by on Mar. 10, 2013 at 5:49 PM

What if he comes home with an STD? Herpes is forever and AIDS can kill you. What if you get a phone call from another woman claiming that she is pregnant with your DH's baby?

Yes, it is your business!

FromAtoZ
by AllieCat on Mar. 10, 2013 at 5:53 PM
1 mom liked this


Quoting muslimahpj:

If I remember the convo correctly, the other person stated that if they were in therapy to try to work on their relationship, what would either party gain from knowing about the affair, correct?  If that is the scenario, in a way, I agree with her. If they are already trying to work things out, why bring that out in the open and cause even more pain? Sometimes it's not always best to 'let it all out', especially if there are selfish motives involved.

You cannot have a healty relationship,  trust if you are being deceitful and dishonest.  Keeping things, lying by omission, does not help any one.  

Paperfishies
by Silver Member on Mar. 10, 2013 at 5:58 PM
Agree. If were married for 30 years and found out my husband had an affair 25 years ago and has lied our entire marriage, I would be even more pissed off and hurt that he lied for 25 years.

Quoting FromAtoZ:


Quoting muslimahpj:

If I remember the convo correctly, the other person stated that if they were in therapy to try to work on their relationship, what would either party gain from knowing about the affair, correct?  If that is the scenario, in a way, I agree with her. If they are already trying to work things out, why bring that out in the open and cause even more pain? Sometimes it's not always best to 'let it all out', especially if there are selfish motives involved.

You cannot have a healty relationship,  trust if you are being deceitful and dishonest.  Keeping things, lying by omission, does not help any one.  



Posted on CafeMom Mobile
KamWorthy
by Silver Member on Mar. 10, 2013 at 6:00 PM
A marriage is a union, usually based on being one flesh, and practising fidelity, hence the commitment of marriage.If a couple chooses to be open, and agree on this, then so be it. But it is something that both parties would or should agree on. Otherwise problems could arise.
FromAtoZ
by AllieCat on Mar. 10, 2013 at 6:04 PM
1 mom liked this


Quoting Paperfishies:

Agree. I was married for 30 years and found out my husband had an affair 25 years ago and has lied our entire marriage, I would be even more pissed off and hurt that he lied for 25 years.


Quoting FromAtoZ:


Quoting muslimahpj:

If I remember the convo correctly, the other person stated that if they were in therapy to try to work on their relationship, what would either party gain from knowing about the affair, correct?  If that is the scenario, in a way, I agree with her. If they are already trying to work things out, why bring that out in the open and cause even more pain? Sometimes it's not always best to 'let it all out', especially if there are selfish motives involved.

You cannot have a healty relationship,  trust if you are being deceitful and dishonest.  Keeping things, lying by omission, does not help any one.  


Far too often people keep things to themselves, thinking it is better not to share, what would it accomplish?  They think it may set back any progress it would make.  It may very well do just that.  But if any one truly thinks they are making progress with keeping such 'secrets' for the sake of their marriage, they are lying to themselves.

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)