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If your husband/significant other has an affair, is it any of your business?

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Another poster got me thinking...she basically believes that anything she does is her own business and not her husband's and everything her husband does that he chooses to keep to himself is his private business and not hers. They have no right to each others privacy.

So, if your husband has an affair or several is it any if your business? Why or why not?
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by on Mar. 10, 2013 at 3:17 PM
Replies (41-50):
by Platinum Member on Mar. 10, 2013 at 6:15 PM


Because he promised before GOD to keep only unto me,til death do us part!

by Bronze Member on Mar. 10, 2013 at 6:17 PM
1 mom liked this

lol, of course!  He is my other half & I need to know anything major he's doing.  An affair is major.  If he stops at the party store for a snack, I don't need to know.  If he screws another woman, I need to know.

by Bronze Member on Mar. 10, 2013 at 6:17 PM
Yep, it's my business, as it is df's business. I would like to know if I'm at risk for multiple STI's, HPV etc. Also I'd like to know so I can be prepared to get a new place and work out a custody agreement, but that's just me I guess.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by Gold Member on Mar. 10, 2013 at 6:21 PM
Anything that affects me and the kids, be it major or minor (and vice versa). Minor: if DH has Chinese food for lunch and I don't feel like cooking, we wouldn't have Chinese for dinner. Major: if DH has an affair, he could pick up an STD, not be home as much, etc. Every action has a consequence (positive or negative).
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by on Mar. 10, 2013 at 6:32 PM

 Yes, we married each other, not the entire world! If you didn't want anyone up/in your business then you shouldn't be married or dating.!

by Silver Member on Mar. 10, 2013 at 6:35 PM

Considering the fact that we have children together, I believe that my husband having an affair is my business.  My husband would feel the same way if I were the one being unfaithful.   The reason is that what ever happens after the affair is found out not only would affect mine and my husband's relationship, but it would also affect our children, especially if a divorce occured as a result.

by Bronze Member on Mar. 10, 2013 at 6:35 PM
1 mom liked this
We're partners, not roommates
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
by on Mar. 10, 2013 at 6:49 PM

 LOL Well....yes!!!!! Are you kidding?

Cheating is unacceptable whether it is the husband or the wife.

Good grief.

by Thatwoman on Mar. 10, 2013 at 7:07 PM

Of course fidelity matters to people. They love their illusions about what they think of the world, and deeply dislike having their illusions stirred up. It bruises their egos.

People are more complicated than that.

If you could find out for certain that you caught herpes from your husband (it can be dormant in a person's system for DECADES, unless you've been tested, you have no idea if you have it already or not... of course, it could also be dormant in his system...) then maybe that would be a reasonable position.

Of all the places in the world you are unlikely to get any kind of disease, toilet seats lead the pack. Unless your doing something very, very personal with your mucus membranes on the seat, or licking it, or touching it with an open wound, it's unlikely to be a disease vector.

Quoting Paperfishies:

Fidelity matters to most people. If I caught herpes from a toilet seat, yeah I would be pissed off...

If I caught herpes from my husband because he was screwing the woman next door, I would be hurt, pissed and a million other things. I don't trust toilet seats, toilet seats don't owe me anything...I trust my husband and he owes me fidelity.

Quoting LindaClement:

You're rather assuming that whoever my husband --who I have reason to believe has rather good taste in women-- is very likely to have untreated STDs.

If dh contracted HepA in a foreign country (he's in the navy, it's epidemic in some places and very hard to avoid) and passed it on to me before he found out ... then what?

How would that be any different TO ME to what you're offering in the way of possibilities?

Quoting amylovesnick07:

Not trying to be rude I promise but what would happen if your DH was sleeping around and he gave you some STD's or HIV? That isn't any of your business either?

Quoting LindaClement:

It isn't.

Just as muslimahpj said.

Quoting Paperfishies:

She also went on to state that if he or she chooses NOT to share something they have done it is not any of the other spouses business.

Quoting muslimahpj:

If I remember the convo correctly, the other person stated that if they were in therapy to try to work on their relationship, what would either party gain from knowing about the affair, correct?  If that is the scenario, in a way, I agree with her. If they are already trying to work things out, why bring that out in the open and cause even more pain? Sometimes it's not always best to 'let it all out', especially if there are selfish motives involved.

by Thatwoman on Mar. 10, 2013 at 7:08 PM

Doesn't that make it God's business, not yours?

Quoting charleyd68:


Because he promised before GOD to keep only unto me,til death do us part!

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