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Do you agree with Zerlina that we need to stop lecturing women and start teaching men not to rape?

Posted by on Mar. 12, 2013 at 3:24 PM
  • 106 Replies
2 moms liked this

Teach Men Not to Rape: An Idea So Crazy It Just Might Work (VIDEO)

by Adriana Velez 

zerlina maxwellShould women carry a firearm in case of rape? People have been arguing over this question since Colorado state senator Evie Hudak told a rape survivor that "statistics are not on your side" as a potential rape victim even if you're carrying a concealed weapon. So what should we tell women about preventing rape? YOU ARE ASKING THE WRONG QUESTION, says rape survivor and political commentator Zerlina Maxwell.

Zerlina appeared on Sean Hannity's FOX News show over the weekend and introduced a rape prevention idea so radical, it blew people's minds: Teach men not to rape. Teach who not to what now? Brain hurts. Confused. Words not make sense. WHAT.

I'm kidding. Obviously it's the most sensible solution and it's sad that Maxwell got any blow back over it at all. But she did. Of course she did. Conservative news sites were all, "that's shocking!" and "bizarre" and she's "oversimplifying" and she "owes rape victims an apology!" I just ... I can't with these people. Oh -- and then there were all the rape threats she got from trolls on Facebook. Well done, asshats. Well done.

Anyway, here's how Zerlina put it on Hannity's show:

I don’t think that we should be telling women anything. I think we should be telling men not to rape women and start the conversation there. You’re talking about this as if it’s some faceless, nameless criminal, when a lot of times it’s someone you know and trust. If you train men not to grow up to become rapists, you prevent rape.

This is the chilling thing about rape. Sure, there's "evil" stranger danger out there. But most rapes are committed by men women know and trust. The Stuebenville boys accused of rape were just "average guys," Maxwell says. But we don't want to admit this! We don't want to admit that our sons, brothers, fathers, husbands, boyfriends, and friends are capable of rape. But we do need to wrap our heads around this idea. We need to believe "regular" guys are capable of rape (not just random "criminals"), and we need to educate these guys about what rape is and why they shouldn't do it.

Because there's a lot of men out there who haven't gotten the memo.

Anyway, Maxwell would like to see more training and conversations for men. She recently wrote up five ways we can teach men not to rape. And she'd like us to stop lying to women about how, if we would just stop acting like such sluts, we wouldn't get raped. "I don't want anybody to lecture a rape survivor about anything. And I don't want anybody telling women that if you don't wear a skirt or don't drink at all, you're going to be safe. That is a lie."

This reminds me of an incident at my college years ago. There had been a few attacks on women in the wooded area at the edge of campus. And so the university administration sent out the message to women: NEVER WALK ALONE. A few of us thought that was pathetic, and that maybe it's the men who can't be trusted to go anywhere alone?!?

So we came up with a crazy idea -- we put up flyers announcing that because of the attacks, men would be required to be escorted around campus by at least two females in order to demonstrate that they're not threatening. It was a joke, obviously. It was supposed to make people stop and ask themselves: Why is it women's responsibility to stop men from being violent? Shouldn't it be the other way around?

Because people are defensive and literal-minded and sometimes just plain dumb, this idea went over a lot of heads. But I still want to believe we made a few people think. And I really hope Zerlina Maxwell is making people think (like, with their brains and everything) about how we're going about this whole rape prevention thing all wrong. What's it going to take, guys? Do you have the balls to learn -- and teach each other -- not to rape? Are you ready for that? Are you man enough?


Do you agree with Zerlina that we need to stop lecturing women and start teaching men not to rape?

by on Mar. 12, 2013 at 3:24 PM
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Replies (1-10):
terpmama
by Silver Member on Mar. 12, 2013 at 3:28 PM
11 moms liked this

Ten ways to stop rape...


1. Don’t put drugs in women’s drinks.

2. When you see a woman walking by herself, leave her alone.

3. If you pull over to help a woman whose car has broken down, remember not to rape her.

4. If you are in an elevator and a woman gets in, don’t rape her.

5. When you encounter a woman who is asleep, the safest course of action is to not rape her.

6. Never creep into a woman’s home through an unlocked door or window, or spring out at her from between parked cars, or rape her.

7. Remember, people go to the laundry room to do their laundry. Do not attempt to molest someone who is alone in a laundry room.

8. Use the Buddy System! If it is inconvenient for you to stop yourself from raping women, ask a trusted friend to accompany you at all times.

9. Carry a rape whistle. If you find that you are about to rape someone, blow the whistle until someone comes to stop you.

10. Don’t forget: Honesty is the best policy. When asking a woman out on a date, don’t pretend that you are interested in her as a person; tell her straight up that you expect to be raping her later. If you don’t communicate your intentions, the woman may take it as a sign that you do not plan to rape her.

Healthystart30
by Silver Member on Mar. 12, 2013 at 3:34 PM
3 moms liked this
We need to stop victim blaming. We should teach our daughters to be responsible, but there is where it ends! We should never blame a woman for being raped. what those idiots arguing with her in the video fail to understand is that rapists are often friends of the victim, someone she trusts! Why would women have guns loaded and pointed at the people they trust? We need to tell young men to be respectful and never take advantage! No means no, and unresponsive person=no!
Momniscient
by Ruby Member on Mar. 12, 2013 at 3:35 PM
3 moms liked this

Yes.

And I'm thinking we shouldn't encourage women to carry guns where drinking is involved as well.

Bieg9093
by Bronze Member on Mar. 12, 2013 at 3:36 PM
7 moms liked this

 I'm a big fan of teaching the men. I'm sure the vast majority of men would appreciate the education.   But I'm certainly going to continue to teach my daughter how to manage herself carefully.  Anybody who can't see that they're equally important just plain refuses to think clearly.

Bieg9093
by Bronze Member on Mar. 12, 2013 at 3:40 PM

 This is excellent.  Did you write this?

Quoting terpmama:

Ten ways to stop rape...

 

 

1. Don’t put drugs in women’s drinks.

2. When you see a woman walking by herself, leave her alone.

3. If you pull over to help a woman whose car has broken down, remember not to rape her.

4. If you are in an elevator and a woman gets in, don’t rape her.

5. When you encounter a woman who is asleep, the safest course of action is to not rape her.

6. Never creep into a woman’s home through an unlocked door or window, or spring out at her from between parked cars, or rape her.

7. Remember, people go to the laundry room to do their laundry. Do not attempt to molest someone who is alone in a laundry room.

8. Use the Buddy System! If it is inconvenient for you to stop yourself from raping women, ask a trusted friend to accompany you at all times.

9. Carry a rape whistle. If you find that you are about to rape someone, blow the whistle until someone comes to stop you.

10. Don’t forget: Honesty is the best policy. When asking a woman out on a date, don’t pretend that you are interested in her as a person; tell her straight up that you expect to be raping her later. If you don’t communicate your intentions, the woman may take it as a sign that you do not plan to rape her.

 

Jcothrine
by Member on Mar. 12, 2013 at 3:41 PM
2 moms liked this

amen!  women are far too often blamed, shamed, told they did something wrong when it is the man/rapist that has the problem...(yes i know women can rape too and that men are raped too..etc..etc..but the typical majority of the non-prison related rape cases is what i am talking about)


JC

canadianmom1974
by Gold Member on Mar. 12, 2013 at 3:45 PM
2 moms liked this
Yes!

Should women be responsible? Of course, EVERYONE should have personal responsibility. But, under NO circumstances is it acceptable to engage in sexual activities with someone without their implicit consent.

That's what we need to teach our sons, in those so called 'grey' areas, when in doubt the answer is no, not an assumed yes.
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Clairwil
by Ruby Member on Mar. 12, 2013 at 3:46 PM
4 moms liked this

I think we should lecture everyone.

Men rape women.
Women rape women.
Women rape men.
Men rape men.
Women raise children who later become rapists.
Men raise children who later become rapists.

Sure, some of these happen more frequently than others, but everyone should get the basic lecture about enthustiac undeceived and uncoerced consent, with a side order of "drunk isn't yes, nude isn't yes, flirting isn't yes, having sex on a previous occasion isn't yes; being in a relationship or paying for dinner does not 'buy' you a yes, and underage people are not capable of full consent."

Ideally the lecture should also contain stuff on what to do if a drunk friend is at a party, and you think she is in danger of being raped by the 'kind' guy taking her off to a quiet bedroom to sleep it off, and how to raise your kids not to be that guy OR the guy's best friend who turns a blind eye.


And, on the other side, I think men should get the lecture women have been getting, about safety, survival, survivor guilty, the various types of rapist motivation, etc.

Not to mention how some fucked up memes in society like Madonna-Whore, purity rings, veneration of chastity and virginity, being a stereotypical 'man', etc. play into it.

terpmama
by Silver Member on Mar. 12, 2013 at 3:54 PM


Thanks, and no I didn't write it. 

Quoting Bieg9093:

 This is excellent.  Did you write this?

Quoting terpmama:

Ten ways to stop rape...



1. Don’t put drugs in women’s drinks.

2. When you see a woman walking by herself, leave her alone.

3. If you pull over to help a woman whose car has broken down, remember not to rape her.

4. If you are in an elevator and a woman gets in, don’t rape her.

5. When you encounter a woman who is asleep, the safest course of action is to not rape her.

6. Never creep into a woman’s home through an unlocked door or window, or spring out at her from between parked cars, or rape her.

7. Remember, people go to the laundry room to do their laundry. Do not attempt to molest someone who is alone in a laundry room.

8. Use the Buddy System! If it is inconvenient for you to stop yourself from raping women, ask a trusted friend to accompany you at all times.

9. Carry a rape whistle. If you find that you are about to rape someone, blow the whistle until someone comes to stop you.

10. Don’t forget: Honesty is the best policy. When asking a woman out on a date, don’t pretend that you are interested in her as a person; tell her straight up that you expect to be raping her later. If you don’t communicate your intentions, the woman may take it as a sign that you do not plan to rape her.

 



ReadWriteLuv
by Silver Member on Mar. 12, 2013 at 4:18 PM
2 moms liked this

Very interesting, these replies. They are so different than the majority of replies in the other thread in here, about the same subject, but without "Fox News" in the title. It's almost as if the staunch conservatives flock to defend Fox News at any cost, regardless of the content, purely because it's in the title.

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