Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Do you agree with Zerlina that we need to stop lecturing women and start teaching men not to rape?

Posted by   + Show Post

Teach Men Not to Rape: An Idea So Crazy It Just Might Work (VIDEO)

by Adriana Velez 

zerlina maxwellShould women carry a firearm in case of rape? People have been arguing over this question since Colorado state senator Evie Hudak told a rape survivor that "statistics are not on your side" as a potential rape victim even if you're carrying a concealed weapon. So what should we tell women about preventing rape? YOU ARE ASKING THE WRONG QUESTION, says rape survivor and political commentator Zerlina Maxwell.

Zerlina appeared on Sean Hannity's FOX News show over the weekend and introduced a rape prevention idea so radical, it blew people's minds: Teach men not to rape. Teach who not to what now? Brain hurts. Confused. Words not make sense. WHAT.

I'm kidding. Obviously it's the most sensible solution and it's sad that Maxwell got any blow back over it at all. But she did. Of course she did. Conservative news sites were all, "that's shocking!" and "bizarre" and she's "oversimplifying" and she "owes rape victims an apology!" I just ... I can't with these people. Oh -- and then there were all the rape threats she got from trolls on Facebook. Well done, asshats. Well done.

Anyway, here's how Zerlina put it on Hannity's show:

I don’t think that we should be telling women anything. I think we should be telling men not to rape women and start the conversation there. You’re talking about this as if it’s some faceless, nameless criminal, when a lot of times it’s someone you know and trust. If you train men not to grow up to become rapists, you prevent rape.

This is the chilling thing about rape. Sure, there's "evil" stranger danger out there. But most rapes are committed by men women know and trust. The Stuebenville boys accused of rape were just "average guys," Maxwell says. But we don't want to admit this! We don't want to admit that our sons, brothers, fathers, husbands, boyfriends, and friends are capable of rape. But we do need to wrap our heads around this idea. We need to believe "regular" guys are capable of rape (not just random "criminals"), and we need to educate these guys about what rape is and why they shouldn't do it.

Because there's a lot of men out there who haven't gotten the memo.

Anyway, Maxwell would like to see more training and conversations for men. She recently wrote up five ways we can teach men not to rape. And she'd like us to stop lying to women about how, if we would just stop acting like such sluts, we wouldn't get raped. "I don't want anybody to lecture a rape survivor about anything. And I don't want anybody telling women that if you don't wear a skirt or don't drink at all, you're going to be safe. That is a lie."

This reminds me of an incident at my college years ago. There had been a few attacks on women in the wooded area at the edge of campus. And so the university administration sent out the message to women: NEVER WALK ALONE. A few of us thought that was pathetic, and that maybe it's the men who can't be trusted to go anywhere alone?!?

So we came up with a crazy idea -- we put up flyers announcing that because of the attacks, men would be required to be escorted around campus by at least two females in order to demonstrate that they're not threatening. It was a joke, obviously. It was supposed to make people stop and ask themselves: Why is it women's responsibility to stop men from being violent? Shouldn't it be the other way around?

Because people are defensive and literal-minded and sometimes just plain dumb, this idea went over a lot of heads. But I still want to believe we made a few people think. And I really hope Zerlina Maxwell is making people think (like, with their brains and everything) about how we're going about this whole rape prevention thing all wrong. What's it going to take, guys? Do you have the balls to learn -- and teach each other -- not to rape? Are you ready for that? Are you man enough?


Do you agree with Zerlina that we need to stop lecturing women and start teaching men not to rape?

by on Mar. 12, 2013 at 3:24 PM
Replies (11-20):
jhslove
by Bronze Member on Mar. 12, 2013 at 4:22 PM

Yes, I do. If a woman wants to carry a gun because it makes her feel safer, that's fine. Every woman should be prepared to defend herself--that's just smart.

But the responsibility for rape rests solely on the shoulders of the RAPIST. No man should ever feel that it's appropriate or acceptable to have sex with anyone who has not or cannot give consent. We need a significant overhaul of how our culture looks at sex and relationships between men and women.

furbabymum
by Gold Member on Mar. 12, 2013 at 4:23 PM

 Hmm. I've got a son. I'm very interested in this. I mean I guess teaching regular respect for women would work wouldn't it?? Couse with my job I'll be teaching my DS all sorts of things and a lot of them involve women being evil. lol

Bookwormy
by Platinum Member on Mar. 12, 2013 at 4:28 PM
4 moms liked this
We need to talk about coercion quite a bit more. Instead of being happy with finally talking someone into "it" they need to only be happy with an enthusiastic yes.

We need to make sure that everyone knows that there is no such thing as an innocent bystander, not to a mysoginistic joke & certainly not to sexual assault.

I agree with her 100% & when was the SA Program Director at an agency I oversaw a public ed program doing exactly this kind of work!
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
AliKatAK47
by on Mar. 12, 2013 at 4:32 PM

How will that stop biastophiles that KNOW what they are doing is wrong and don't want to do it but are sexually, and physically inclined to do it? I would rather cut your thing off (or have my dog bite it off) that would definitely teach you not to rape.

parentalrights1
by on Mar. 12, 2013 at 4:43 PM
1 mom liked this
Yeah men need to start being taught the not so obvious rape scenarios. Alot of men rape and don't even know they did because they are always hearing that its the woman's fault and that they couldn't help it or werent responsible for their actions
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
la_bella_vita
by Bella on Mar. 12, 2013 at 4:53 PM
1 mom liked this

 What we need to do is stop victim blaming. Stop saying women were raped because of how they dressed or because they were drunk. These excuses are the reasons why men think they can get away with their disgusting actions. This is why women are scared to call the police after they are attacked.

paperorplastic
by Member on Mar. 12, 2013 at 6:01 PM

I prefer to pack.  I never worry about a damn thing;). 

NWP
by guerrilla girl on Mar. 12, 2013 at 6:21 PM
Interesting observation. That post has certainly run its course. Lol

Quoting ReadWriteLuv:

Very interesting, these replies. They are so different than the majority of replies in the other thread in here, about the same subject, but without "Fox News" in the title. It's almost as if the staunch conservatives flock to defend Fox News at any cost, regardless of the content, purely because it's in the title.

Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
NWP
by guerrilla girl on Mar. 12, 2013 at 6:28 PM

There will alway be sociopaths that will inflict harm no matter what. But those are a tiny fraction of assaults. the truth us that most sexual assaults lie in that grey area where most people blame the woman. Stop teaching "no means no" and start teaching "yes means yes and everything else is rape"

*edited for "damn you autocorrect* moment. Why would "rape" be corrected as "especially" anyway? LOL.

Quoting AliKatAK47:

How will that stop biastophiles that KNOW what they are doing is wrong and don't want to do it but are sexually, and physically inclined to do it? I would rather cut your thing off (or have my dog bite it off) that would definitely teach you not to rape.

Neon Washable Paint

jshalas89
by Member on Mar. 12, 2013 at 6:40 PM
I agree! We don't blame the murdered for being murdered and was to prevent yourself from being murdered. It's the same thing. The scum of the earth aka rapist should be the ones needing and seeking help and getting intervention and ways to help them not rape. That is so sad.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)



Featured