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Do you agree with Zerlina that we need to stop lecturing women and start teaching men not to rape?

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Teach Men Not to Rape: An Idea So Crazy It Just Might Work (VIDEO)

by Adriana Velez 

zerlina maxwellShould women carry a firearm in case of rape? People have been arguing over this question since Colorado state senator Evie Hudak told a rape survivor that "statistics are not on your side" as a potential rape victim even if you're carrying a concealed weapon. So what should we tell women about preventing rape? YOU ARE ASKING THE WRONG QUESTION, says rape survivor and political commentator Zerlina Maxwell.

Zerlina appeared on Sean Hannity's FOX News show over the weekend and introduced a rape prevention idea so radical, it blew people's minds: Teach men not to rape. Teach who not to what now? Brain hurts. Confused. Words not make sense. WHAT.

I'm kidding. Obviously it's the most sensible solution and it's sad that Maxwell got any blow back over it at all. But she did. Of course she did. Conservative news sites were all, "that's shocking!" and "bizarre" and she's "oversimplifying" and she "owes rape victims an apology!" I just ... I can't with these people. Oh -- and then there were all the rape threats she got from trolls on Facebook. Well done, asshats. Well done.

Anyway, here's how Zerlina put it on Hannity's show:

I don’t think that we should be telling women anything. I think we should be telling men not to rape women and start the conversation there. You’re talking about this as if it’s some faceless, nameless criminal, when a lot of times it’s someone you know and trust. If you train men not to grow up to become rapists, you prevent rape.

This is the chilling thing about rape. Sure, there's "evil" stranger danger out there. But most rapes are committed by men women know and trust. The Stuebenville boys accused of rape were just "average guys," Maxwell says. But we don't want to admit this! We don't want to admit that our sons, brothers, fathers, husbands, boyfriends, and friends are capable of rape. But we do need to wrap our heads around this idea. We need to believe "regular" guys are capable of rape (not just random "criminals"), and we need to educate these guys about what rape is and why they shouldn't do it.

Because there's a lot of men out there who haven't gotten the memo.

Anyway, Maxwell would like to see more training and conversations for men. She recently wrote up five ways we can teach men not to rape. And she'd like us to stop lying to women about how, if we would just stop acting like such sluts, we wouldn't get raped. "I don't want anybody to lecture a rape survivor about anything. And I don't want anybody telling women that if you don't wear a skirt or don't drink at all, you're going to be safe. That is a lie."

This reminds me of an incident at my college years ago. There had been a few attacks on women in the wooded area at the edge of campus. And so the university administration sent out the message to women: NEVER WALK ALONE. A few of us thought that was pathetic, and that maybe it's the men who can't be trusted to go anywhere alone?!?

So we came up with a crazy idea -- we put up flyers announcing that because of the attacks, men would be required to be escorted around campus by at least two females in order to demonstrate that they're not threatening. It was a joke, obviously. It was supposed to make people stop and ask themselves: Why is it women's responsibility to stop men from being violent? Shouldn't it be the other way around?

Because people are defensive and literal-minded and sometimes just plain dumb, this idea went over a lot of heads. But I still want to believe we made a few people think. And I really hope Zerlina Maxwell is making people think (like, with their brains and everything) about how we're going about this whole rape prevention thing all wrong. What's it going to take, guys? Do you have the balls to learn -- and teach each other -- not to rape? Are you ready for that? Are you man enough?


Do you agree with Zerlina that we need to stop lecturing women and start teaching men not to rape?

by on Mar. 12, 2013 at 3:24 PM
Replies (21-30):
Carpy
by Ruby Member on Mar. 12, 2013 at 6:43 PM

I'm sure Ramirez, Bundy, Shawcross, etc.. would have really appreciated it.

Quoting Bieg9093:

 I'm a big fan of teaching the men. I'm sure the vast majority of men would appreciate the education.   But I'm certainly going to continue to teach my daughter how to manage herself carefully.  Anybody who can't see that they're equally important just plain refuses to think clearly.


..MoonShine..
by Redwood Witch on Mar. 12, 2013 at 6:48 PM

Yep. 

Quoting canadianmom1974:

Yes!

Should women be responsible? Of course, EVERYONE should have personal responsibility. But, under NO circumstances is it acceptable to engage in sexual activities with someone without their implicit consent.

That's what we need to teach our sons, in those so called 'grey' areas, when in doubt the answer is no, not an assumed yes.


girlsclubmom
by Bronze Member on Mar. 12, 2013 at 6:52 PM
1 mom liked this

Its great to teach them - of course, all people should teach this to their sons. But if someone who did not get the message tries to rape my daughter, I want her to have a gun and know how to use it. 

soonergirl980
by Silver Member on Mar. 12, 2013 at 6:52 PM
1 mom liked this

I think we already "teach" men to not rape. That's why there are laws. Rape is not an instinctive action that all men need to be taught you don't rape. People that commit those acts cannot be "taught" not to they is something inherently wrong with them that it is unlikely hearing every single day no means no will stop them. Saying we shouldn't teach women to be aware or not to take responsibilty in our own personal safety or to count on teaching men not to do it means leaving that safety in the hands of a man one would think a feminist wouldn't like that very much. 

canadianmom1974
by Gold Member on Mar. 12, 2013 at 6:54 PM
And you would consider those men to be representative of the "vast majority" of men? I'm thinking the vast majority of people would recognise that people like that represent a very narrow section of society.

Quoting Carpy:

I'm sure Ramirez, Bundy, Shawcross, etc.. would have really appreciated it.

Quoting Bieg9093:

 I'm a big fan of teaching the men. I'm sure the vast majority of men would appreciate the education.   But I'm certainly going to continue to teach my daughter how to manage herself carefully.  Anybody who can't see that they're equally important just plain refuses to think clearly.


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canadianmom1974
by Gold Member on Mar. 12, 2013 at 7:00 PM
1 mom liked this
I don't think anyone is saying that. Of course we ALL need to take responsibility for personal safety - men and women alike. I think what this is trying to address are the so called 'grey' areas where consent is assumed.

It's not about saying 'don't forcibly rape' it is about saying 'always get implicit consent', and when in doubt, the answer is no.


Quoting soonergirl980:

I think we already "teach" men to not rape. That's why there are laws. Rape is not an instinctive action that all men need to be taught you don't rape. People that commit those acts cannot be "taught" not to they is something inherently wrong with them that it is unlikely hearing every single day no means no will stop them. Saying we shouldn't teach women to be aware or not to take responsibilty in our own personal safety or to count on teaching men not to do it means leaving that safety in the hands of a man one would think a feminist wouldn't like that very much. 

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canadianmom1974
by Gold Member on Mar. 12, 2013 at 7:03 PM
2 moms liked this
As well she should if she so chooses. This is more addressing the so called 'grey' areas like when she might be impaired in some way, or when some one she knows and trusts got the current message of 'no means no, but no, no must mean yes', rather than 'yes means yes, and everything else means no'.

Quoting girlsclubmom:

Its great to teach them - of course, all people should teach this to their sons. But if someone who did not get the message tries to rape my daughter, I want her to have a gun and know how to use it. 

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NWP
by guerrilla girl on Mar. 12, 2013 at 7:08 PM
3 moms liked this
In the Todd Akin definition of rape you are correct. However, that forcible, stranger abduction rape is rare....What we need to be teaching our sons is that the passed out girl on the couch with her lacy bra strap showing isn't "asking" for sex. We need to teach our sons about proper sexual contact, which is not the standard "no means no" but that "yes means yes, and everything else is rape". Blaming the victim and slut shaming are all a part of the culture that confuses our sons about what rape actually is.
Quoting soonergirl980:

I think we already "teach" men to not rape. That's why there are laws. Rape is not an instinctive action that all men need to be taught you don't rape. People that commit those acts cannot be "taught" not to they is something inherently wrong with them that it is unlikely hearing every single day no means no will stop them. Saying we shouldn't teach women to be aware or not to take responsibilty in our own personal safety or to count on teaching men not to do it means leaving that safety in the hands of a man one would think a feminist wouldn't like that very much. 

Neon Washable Paint

Carpy
by Ruby Member on Mar. 12, 2013 at 7:27 PM

After we teach men not to rape, we should try a program to teach kids not to do drugs.  Oh wait...

JanuaryBaby06
by Bronze Member on Mar. 12, 2013 at 7:32 PM
Absolutely! I love this!
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