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Do you agree with Zerlina that we need to stop lecturing women and start teaching men not to rape?

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Teach Men Not to Rape: An Idea So Crazy It Just Might Work (VIDEO)

by Adriana Velez 

zerlina maxwellShould women carry a firearm in case of rape? People have been arguing over this question since Colorado state senator Evie Hudak told a rape survivor that "statistics are not on your side" as a potential rape victim even if you're carrying a concealed weapon. So what should we tell women about preventing rape? YOU ARE ASKING THE WRONG QUESTION, says rape survivor and political commentator Zerlina Maxwell.

Zerlina appeared on Sean Hannity's FOX News show over the weekend and introduced a rape prevention idea so radical, it blew people's minds: Teach men not to rape. Teach who not to what now? Brain hurts. Confused. Words not make sense. WHAT.

I'm kidding. Obviously it's the most sensible solution and it's sad that Maxwell got any blow back over it at all. But she did. Of course she did. Conservative news sites were all, "that's shocking!" and "bizarre" and she's "oversimplifying" and she "owes rape victims an apology!" I just ... I can't with these people. Oh -- and then there were all the rape threats she got from trolls on Facebook. Well done, asshats. Well done.

Anyway, here's how Zerlina put it on Hannity's show:

I don’t think that we should be telling women anything. I think we should be telling men not to rape women and start the conversation there. You’re talking about this as if it’s some faceless, nameless criminal, when a lot of times it’s someone you know and trust. If you train men not to grow up to become rapists, you prevent rape.

This is the chilling thing about rape. Sure, there's "evil" stranger danger out there. But most rapes are committed by men women know and trust. The Stuebenville boys accused of rape were just "average guys," Maxwell says. But we don't want to admit this! We don't want to admit that our sons, brothers, fathers, husbands, boyfriends, and friends are capable of rape. But we do need to wrap our heads around this idea. We need to believe "regular" guys are capable of rape (not just random "criminals"), and we need to educate these guys about what rape is and why they shouldn't do it.

Because there's a lot of men out there who haven't gotten the memo.

Anyway, Maxwell would like to see more training and conversations for men. She recently wrote up five ways we can teach men not to rape. And she'd like us to stop lying to women about how, if we would just stop acting like such sluts, we wouldn't get raped. "I don't want anybody to lecture a rape survivor about anything. And I don't want anybody telling women that if you don't wear a skirt or don't drink at all, you're going to be safe. That is a lie."

This reminds me of an incident at my college years ago. There had been a few attacks on women in the wooded area at the edge of campus. And so the university administration sent out the message to women: NEVER WALK ALONE. A few of us thought that was pathetic, and that maybe it's the men who can't be trusted to go anywhere alone?!?

So we came up with a crazy idea -- we put up flyers announcing that because of the attacks, men would be required to be escorted around campus by at least two females in order to demonstrate that they're not threatening. It was a joke, obviously. It was supposed to make people stop and ask themselves: Why is it women's responsibility to stop men from being violent? Shouldn't it be the other way around?

Because people are defensive and literal-minded and sometimes just plain dumb, this idea went over a lot of heads. But I still want to believe we made a few people think. And I really hope Zerlina Maxwell is making people think (like, with their brains and everything) about how we're going about this whole rape prevention thing all wrong. What's it going to take, guys? Do you have the balls to learn -- and teach each other -- not to rape? Are you ready for that? Are you man enough?


Do you agree with Zerlina that we need to stop lecturing women and start teaching men not to rape?

by on Mar. 12, 2013 at 3:24 PM
Replies (31-40):
turtle68
by Mahinaarangi on Mar. 12, 2013 at 8:38 PM
2 moms liked this

 

Quoting terpmama:

Ten ways to stop rape...

 

 

1. Don’t put drugs in women’s drinks.

2. When you see a woman walking by herself, leave her alone.

3. If you pull over to help a woman whose car has broken down, remember not to rape her.

4. If you are in an elevator and a woman gets in, don’t rape her.

5. When you encounter a woman who is asleep, the safest course of action is to not rape her.

6. Never creep into a woman’s home through an unlocked door or window, or spring out at her from between parked cars, or rape her.

7. Remember, people go to the laundry room to do their laundry. Do not attempt to molest someone who is alone in a laundry room.

8. Use the Buddy System! If it is inconvenient for you to stop yourself from raping women, ask a trusted friend to accompany you at all times.

9. Carry a rape whistle. If you find that you are about to rape someone, blow the whistle until someone comes to stop you.

10. Don’t forget: Honesty is the best policy. When asking a woman out on a date, don’t pretend that you are interested in her as a person; tell her straight up that you expect to be raping her later. If you don’t communicate your intentions, the woman may take it as a sign that you do not plan to rape her.

 I want to laugh...but am unsure as to whether I should.  The absurd and common sense approach is funny and sad all at the same time LOL

Goodwoman614
by Satan on Mar. 12, 2013 at 8:57 PM

Yes. Full stop.

desertlvn
by Silver Member on Mar. 12, 2013 at 9:28 PM
1 mom liked this


I don't think that teaching regular respect is enough. 

I think boys need to be taught that when a woman says no... stop touching right then. That when a woman drinks, does drugs, or is otherwise compromised.... no touching. That women wear all kinds of clothing, and no matter the outfit, she isn't asking for sex. That prosecution and jail are the consequences of rape. That it isn't okay to look the other way when a friend has date rape drugs or nefarious plans. That getting married isn't a forever pass to sex- wives can and do say no.

Boys talk and rumors/wives tales abound, making it necessary to cover as much information as possible with our sons. 

Quoting furbabymum:

 Hmm. I've got a son. I'm very interested in this. I mean I guess teaching regular respect for women would work wouldn't it?? Couse with my job I'll be teaching my DS all sorts of things and a lot of them involve women being evil. lol



NWP
by guerrilla girl on Mar. 12, 2013 at 9:35 PM
1 mom liked this

I think the part is red is a very good point that hasn't been addressed yet. Boys and men need to know that standing up to another guy who is behaving questionably with an incapacitated woman is the right thing to do.

Quoting desertlvn:


I don't think that teaching regular respect is enough. 

I think boys need to be taught that when a woman says no... stop touching right then. That when a woman drinks, does drugs, or is otherwise compromised.... no touching. That women wear all kinds of clothing, and no matter the outfit, she isn't asking for sex. That prosecution and jail are the consequences of rape. That it isn't okay to look the other way when a friend has date rape drugs or nefarious plans. That getting married isn't a forever pass to sex- wives can and do say no.

Boys talk and rumors/wives tales abound, making it necessary to cover as much information as possible with our sons. 

Quoting furbabymum:

 Hmm. I've got a son. I'm very interested in this. I mean I guess teaching regular respect for women would work wouldn't it?? Couse with my job I'll be teaching my DS all sorts of things and a lot of them involve women being evil. lol




Neon Washable Paint

desertlvn
by Silver Member on Mar. 12, 2013 at 9:38 PM
1 mom liked this


It is also the hardest for people to learn and do. Standing up against friends who are going to do something wrong is hard and needs to be taught.

Quoting NWP:

I think the part is red is a very good point that hasn't been addressed yet. Boys and men need to know that standing up to another guy who is behaving questionably with an incapacitated woman is the right thing to do.

Quoting desertlvn:


I don't think that teaching regular respect is enough. 

I think boys need to be taught that when a woman says no... stop touching right then. That when a woman drinks, does drugs, or is otherwise compromised.... no touching. That women wear all kinds of clothing, and no matter the outfit, she isn't asking for sex. That prosecution and jail are the consequences of rape. That it isn't okay to look the other way when a friend has date rape drugs or nefarious plans. That getting married isn't a forever pass to sex- wives can and do say no.

Boys talk and rumors/wives tales abound, making it necessary to cover as much information as possible with our sons. 

Quoting furbabymum:

 Hmm. I've got a son. I'm very interested in this. I mean I guess teaching regular respect for women would work wouldn't it?? Couse with my job I'll be teaching my DS all sorts of things and a lot of them involve women being evil. lol






Iconoclast
by on Mar. 12, 2013 at 9:43 PM
3 moms liked this

You can't go about fixing a problem by only concentrating on one side and ignoring the other.  I think that teaching men not to rape is a start (a pretty pathetic start to be honest but a start none the less).  I also think that teaching a women not to make herself an open target is also a good place to start and the other part of the equation.

NWP
by guerrilla girl on Mar. 12, 2013 at 9:45 PM

True that. It demands good character, and that is something we should be teaching our children as well because it doesn't seem to be in favor at the moment.

Lately it seems to be "do first and ask forgiveness later" and "deny, deny, deny  your actions" are more the models.

Quoting desertlvn:


It is also the hardest for people to learn and do. Standing up against friends who are going to do something wrong is hard and needs to be taught.

Quoting NWP:

I think the part is red is a very good point that hasn't been addressed yet. Boys and men need to know that standing up to another guy who is behaving questionably with an incapacitated woman is the right thing to do.

Quoting desertlvn:


I don't think that teaching regular respect is enough. 

I think boys need to be taught that when a woman says no... stop touching right then. That when a woman drinks, does drugs, or is otherwise compromised.... no touching. That women wear all kinds of clothing, and no matter the outfit, she isn't asking for sex. That prosecution and jail are the consequences of rape. That it isn't okay to look the other way when a friend has date rape drugs or nefarious plans. That getting married isn't a forever pass to sex- wives can and do say no.

Boys talk and rumors/wives tales abound, making it necessary to cover as much information as possible with our sons. 

Quoting furbabymum:

 Hmm. I've got a son. I'm very interested in this. I mean I guess teaching regular respect for women would work wouldn't it?? Couse with my job I'll be teaching my DS all sorts of things and a lot of them involve women being evil. lol







Neon Washable Paint

AdrianneHill
by Platinum Member on Mar. 13, 2013 at 12:25 AM
1 mom liked this
Haven't read the replies yet. Have been thinking on this for a couple of days now so I could get my ideas sorted out first.

I think it is a fantastic idea and it isn't as silly as some people seem to think. Most rapists don't realize they're rapists. Of course some do but you would be amazed at the things men will convince themselves of and boys too.

We apparently do need to teach men that no is no, if she is too drunk to say yes, then that means the same as no, telling her you won't leave her room, she can't leave yours or that you'll get her in trouble or some other type of blackmail to get her to have sex with you, that is also a no.

While we have been telling girls to hold the aspirin between their knees, we tell the boys to conquer. Tell them fifty nos and one yes is still a yes and that anything is permissible as long as she gets naked. We look shocked they do awful things when we tell both men and women that all men are only as far as seeing you in a short skirt from becoming rapists. While it is true that most men know you aren't supposed to grab a girl of the street and beat her while you have sex with her but a shocking number of men think that is the only definition of rape. If a woman isn't beaten or she knew her attacker in any way, then she is the likely liar in the situation because women can't be trusted to know what they want and all women should know that sex is all men want so even if she says that she didn't want to have sex, chances are good that she really wanted it and no man should be punished because a woman can't make up her mind. With mixed messages like that, of course boys are confused. So it will be our job to teach them that the little "love taps" that used to receive sly winks and nods from men in authority will no longer be tolerated and can ruin your life. It isn't cute or manly to show a woman what she really wants if she doesn't want to.
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wickedfiress
by Kellie on Mar. 13, 2013 at 3:07 AM
1 mom liked this
This whole idea to me implies that some people believe all men are the big bad wolf and all women are poor little red riding hood innocently on her way to granny's with a basket of baked goods having no idea of the dangers in the forest.

sorry, I just don't think that way.

Everyone needs to be taught boundaries and what consent really is.
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DestinyHLewis
by Destiny on Mar. 13, 2013 at 3:39 AM

Interesting observation on the other side of the coin too. It's almost as if people are being civil because neither side is  rushing in to either defend Fox News, or call it Faux news, as lefties like to do, and are having an actual discussion. It pretty sad that you have to tailor the title and article to make sure people have an unbiased discussion on the information rather than focus on where it came from. The second liberals see Fox in the title they dismiss the information and attack it. So the same goes either way. 

I say in the future we just leave it out and post the info. Then let people decide after actually hearing what was said. That goes for all news organizations. 

Quoting NWP:

Interesting observation. That post has certainly run its course. Lol

Quoting ReadWriteLuv:

Very interesting, these replies. They are so different than the majority of replies in the other thread in here, about the same subject, but without "Fox News" in the title. It's almost as if the staunch conservatives flock to defend Fox News at any cost, regardless of the content, purely because it's in the title.



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