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S/O of Bullies, Fights, and Parents

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 So we have seen articles about bullies. Sweet just posted an article about a mom who encouraged her daughter to fight a bully. So here is my question-how do you tell your child to handle a bully situation? Do they immediately tell  grown up? What if there is no grown up around? Do you teach your child to defend himself/herself and fight back or do they immediately report it? In my home, we teach our kids to notify an adult when possible but there will be times where they may have to fight back. Starting a fight is never OK but fighting back when necessary is.

by on Mar. 13, 2013 at 2:16 PM
Replies (11-20):
Chelsey191
by Member on Mar. 13, 2013 at 10:33 PM
Diddo. Ds knows he is to first tell an adult but he also knows he has every right to defend himself.
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desertlvn
by Silver Member on Mar. 13, 2013 at 10:36 PM

I taught them that they can do whatever necessary to defend themselves. Period. I have also encouraged them to tell me if they are sad because a peer is treating them poorly.

desertlvn
by Silver Member on Mar. 13, 2013 at 10:38 PM



Quoting LNLMommy:

 

Quoting jehosoba84:

 The problem with that is.... As soon as a child is no longer being 'defensive' and starts being 'offensive' during that fight, they get to be suspended along with the bully. It's harder for a child to know where that line is.

 I agree and this was my son's concern-what if he gets in trouble too? I told him as long as he is defending himself then we won't be upset but if he is just beating people up-he's in big trouble

I told them that I will always be proud of them defending themselves. 


kailu1835
by Ruby Member on Mar. 13, 2013 at 10:45 PM
2 moms liked this

First line of defense are the adults around you.  If the adults refuse to do anything about it, then second line is to walk away and try to avoid.  If all else fails, punch them in the face, and make it count.  Then, if nobody sees it, go report what happened.  If you get suspended, that's okay.  I'll take you to the zoo.

futureshock
by Ruby Member on Mar. 13, 2013 at 11:00 PM

A lot of bullying is verbal so fighting is a non issue in those cases.  However, if someone were physically harming my child I would encourage my child to fight back.

TruthSeeker.
by Milami on Mar. 13, 2013 at 11:48 PM

 

Quoting jehosoba84:

 The problem with that is.... As soon as a child is no longer being 'defensive' and starts being 'offensive' during that fight, they get to be suspended along with the bully. It's harder for a child to know where that line is.

 You are absolutely right. My children are only 8 and 6 and I do not teach them to fight back. They are taught to inform an adult.

turtle68
by Mahinaarangi on Mar. 14, 2013 at 12:30 AM

 At school....a teacher or adult, they then come and tell me, I write in the diary requesting the teacher contact me...we then discuss the situation.  If it continues it will it get esculated to discussing it with the principal.

My kids are told to defend themselves and walk away.  I dont teach them to fight and teach them that you dont need to throw a punch to win a fight.

My son was punched one day at school....dont know if you can call it bullying, probably the opposite, he didnt bow to a bunch of bullies so they resorted to throwing a punch to the back of the head.  He could of very easily thrown one back if the kid hadnt run off or laid in wait to sucker punch him back the next day.  I told him to hit where it hurts bullies.  He went into the playground and pointed and laughed at the kid saying what a weakling that he had to punch me in the back and then ran off....what a loser.  That kid was so ashamed he actually cried.  Bullies can get their comeuppance without a punch being thrown.

I try to teach my kids not to become victims.  Bullies know a victim, sense and smell one.  Never be scared of taking a punch or being kicked or threatened with words....stand tall, take a deep breath look them in the eye and tell them to fuck off.

turtle68
by Mahinaarangi on Mar. 14, 2013 at 12:40 AM

 

Quoting parentalrights1:

Realistically if my child's bully won't fuck off and noone will help then he ought to kick his ass.

But the thig that bothers me is the victim often gets pegged as the bully.

I had a bully in 5th and then 7th grade who would wait for me at th bus stop and start picking on me every day with her twin. I tried to ignore but waiting in one spot where someone is hurling insults at you with their sibling and friends joining and laughing, it's hard to just ignore but you can't really defend yourself either very well.

Of course anything I said back to her or her sister would get reported to her mom, but her bullying is conveniently left out. I got sent to the office quite a bit. Imagine if I had hit the little cunts

 LOL...my brother would get picked on at the bus stop...he is 2 years older than me.  He is and was a weird kid...placid as all hell but yeah he was weird LOL.  One day I was there and he had lent a boy some money that the kid was going to give back to him this day....the kid decided with his bigger brother and friends that my brother could go fuck himself and they werent giving him nothing back...my brother said "well thats not nice, you said you would" and went to walk away...these kids 4 of them had the gall to pick up stones and hurl them at him.

um...hell to the fuck no.  I went in like a raging bull, my school bag was tossed at someones face, one kid fell over and I jumped on him and kneed him in the balls and then before I could rip the face off the other kid my brother was pulling me off them and looking at me as if Id gone nuts...what are you doing, just leave them along I dont need the money blah blah blah.  I asked him why he didnt beat them up himself (I mean my brother was huge) and he just stared at me and asked why...what did it matter, he didnt care.  sigh....I love my brother but damn I wanted to rip his face off LMAO.

I would of hit them...all of them, I probably would of devised a plan of weapons that would inflict the most pain and go through it in my mind like a movie.   I think today...I would of been flagged as a possible school shooter ...and maybe a serial killer lol.

chcon
by Member on Mar. 14, 2013 at 12:42 AM
My sister was suspended in high school for being in a fight - she did not fight back but got suspended as well. This was 20+ years ago, however.

Quoting LNLMommy:

 


Quoting jehosoba84:


 The problem with that is.... As soon as a child is no longer being 'defensive' and starts being 'offensive' during that fight, they get to be suspended along with the bully. It's harder for a child to know where that line is.


 I agree and this was my son's concern-what if he gets in trouble too? I told him as long as he is defending himself then we won't be upset but if he is just beating people up-he's in big trouble

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turtle68
by Mahinaarangi on Mar. 14, 2013 at 12:53 AM

 

Quoting parentalrights1:

Also if the child is low in confidence and doesn't know how to fight, then expecting them to fight is worthless. They will either lose or just not do it and continue getting bullied

 my 14yo is not a fighter and very much doesnt like confrontation of any sort....he was bullied for a few days by a pack of boys.  One hit him another tripped him...took his bag.  It was esculating and I said to him you will have to stand up to them and tell them to fuck off until I can sort this out with the principal.  My son is not small but his demeanour is one of weakness. He was frightened of being hit and hurt by these boys.

I reminded him that he just got punched by his brother recently and what did that feel like...he said yeah it hurt but not that bad.  I said its just the same....and there is absolutely no shame in losing a fight where you have had to defend yourself.  If you dont show these boys that you are willing to take a hit and just as willing to throw one then they will keep on annoying the hell out of you every day.  Bullies dont like victims that are hard work.

He did stand face to face with them and told them to piss off....he told me he was so scared and that he thought he might cry if they hit him...but they didnt they just walked away.  He has never had any problems with them again.

Losing a defensive fight holds no shame. 

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