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S/O of Bullies, Fights, and Parents

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 So we have seen articles about bullies. Sweet just posted an article about a mom who encouraged her daughter to fight a bully. So here is my question-how do you tell your child to handle a bully situation? Do they immediately tell  grown up? What if there is no grown up around? Do you teach your child to defend himself/herself and fight back or do they immediately report it? In my home, we teach our kids to notify an adult when possible but there will be times where they may have to fight back. Starting a fight is never OK but fighting back when necessary is.

by on Mar. 13, 2013 at 2:16 PM
Replies (21-30):
turtle68
by Mahinaarangi on Mar. 14, 2013 at 12:59 AM
1 mom liked this

 

Quoting happinessforyou:

I worked at a middle school several years ago and there was one group of boys that were just awful. 7-8 boys verbally assaulted 3 boys walking together past the soccer field. They taunted them until the 3 boys started yelling back. The ring leader jump over the fence and punched one of the other boys in the face so hard that it broke his jaw!!

This boy spent several days in the hospital, lost a tooth & had his jaw wired shut. And I kid you not-the Principal had the nerve to say that she felt sorry for the aggressor because it seemed like he was "doing so much better lately". I hated that stupid bitch from that day forward.

So it's not always the kids at fault-the adults have  a lot to be responsible for too.

 which is why I always have a process in hand.....teacher, me...diary for discussion with teacher and steps to curb behaviour or an action plan if the bullying continues....if it continues and there has been no intervention from the teacher...an appointment is made with the principal.  Things better start moving big time from this point on....because the next step is the police and assaut charges followed by neglect by the school.

Its not done with malice it is a process I have in place to ensure that something is done.  I dont threaten...I dont yell.  I just state my case for the safety of my kids.

Only had this process challenged once in my 25 years of schooling.....it works.

glitterteaz
by Ruby Member on Mar. 14, 2013 at 1:05 AM

Karate!

momtoscott
by Platinum Member on Mar. 14, 2013 at 7:22 AM

 I tell my son to go to an adult first, and walk away from a conflict if at all possible.  If all else fails, he can practice the self defense he learned in karate class.  The mentality of "If someone hits you, hit him back" is something that I try to avoid, because that approach tends to get both sides in trouble.   

coolmommy2x
by Gold Member on Mar. 14, 2013 at 7:31 AM
I tell them to get an adult ASAP.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
quickbooksworm
by Silver Member on Mar. 14, 2013 at 7:40 AM
1 mom liked this
If my son is getting picked on and fights back, I don't care if he gets suspended. I'll take him to Disney that day. My son is in karate and it takes maybe a punch or two to go from defensive to offensive. They punish the kids who are getting beat up without throwing a punch so he may as well kick the bullys ass and be left alone.


Quoting jehosoba84:

 The problem with that is.... As soon as a child is no longer being 'defensive' and starts being 'offensive' during that fight, they get to be suspended along with the bully. It's harder for a child to know where that line is.


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dawnie1
by #1 Raider fan on Mar. 14, 2013 at 7:52 AM

My oldest son is on the autism spectrum and he is a freaking walking target for bullies. The harder he tried to fit in or be cool the worse it got. Private school or public was the same. We finally pulled him out all together and he is now home schooled. 

IhartU
by Gold Member on Mar. 14, 2013 at 8:12 AM

 I always find myself thinking about that scene in THE HAND THAT ROCKS THE CRADLE when the crazy nanny finds out the little girl is being bullied and then goes up to kids when no grown-ups are around and threatens him. I think I'd be like that. Reporting and talking to the parents rarely does anything but if you scare the shit out of the bully, maybe he'd stop and if the bully dares to tell anyone what you said to them, you can always say the kids making it all up and you have no idea what he's talking about.

 

Woodbabe
by Woodie on Mar. 14, 2013 at 8:21 AM

My kids knew it was wrong to fight but I told them if someone came after them, they had the right to fight back. Yes, you will still have to suffer the consequences of fighting alongside the other kid, but they always had the right to stand up for themselves.

We only had once incident between them...my daughter was in third grade I think and a fifth grade boy on the bus took something of hers. He tried to light her Power Puff Girl keychain on fire with a lighter and in the struggle to get it back she ended up punching him in the side of the head. The Principal met the bus at the school and all of the kids started screaming what had happened. Once she got the story straight my daughter only had to meet with the school counselor to discuss 'conflict resolution' but the boy got into the real trouble!

NewMom11222011
by Bronze Member on Mar. 14, 2013 at 8:27 AM

I tell my child to protect himself or another child being bullied, run away if possible, and tell an adult as soon as possible.

Mama2Spencerninja

smushy79
by Member on Mar. 14, 2013 at 8:39 AM

 I agree with everything you posted.

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