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S/O of Bullies, Fights, and Parents

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 So we have seen articles about bullies. Sweet just posted an article about a mom who encouraged her daughter to fight a bully. So here is my question-how do you tell your child to handle a bully situation? Do they immediately tell  grown up? What if there is no grown up around? Do you teach your child to defend himself/herself and fight back or do they immediately report it? In my home, we teach our kids to notify an adult when possible but there will be times where they may have to fight back. Starting a fight is never OK but fighting back when necessary is.

by on Mar. 13, 2013 at 2:16 PM
Replies (31-34):
NutHouseMomma
by Silver Member on Mar. 14, 2013 at 8:59 AM
We've always taught our sons that no one has the right to touch them - especially in a violent manner. My oldest son went through an ordeal last year, where a boy at his bus stop repeatedly kept pushing him and eventually grabbed him around the throat. Several of the other kids tried to get the boy to stop but he just kept on it. My son put him to the ground and restrained him. The mother of the other boy came over and was yelling and screaming at my son and called the school to say my son assaulted her son. Even after all the reports were taken in, my son got suspended for three days...the other boy was suspended for five and sent to another school because this was his fourth offense of the year. My appeal was denied - the fight wasn't during school hours, it was on private property, and three adults watched the boy attack my son and never intervened, one being the bus driver. So, we took our son to the water park, out for ice cream, and let him sleep in. Amazingly, the kid stosped coming outside and messing with other kids after that. The mother threatened to press charges and I told her I would be happy to call the police for her... she quickly shut her mouth.

While I am not an advocate for fighting, I do believe that at certain times in a kid's life, taking a stand against being attacked is not only warranted but necessary. This mumbo jumbo about running and telling an adult is not appropriate for certain ages....if you have kids in from fifth grade and on you should know that telling an adult often times more damage than good. If your kid is being picked on, I would bet that they just opened the door for more picking. You can teach your kids to stand up for themselves without causing more grief by telling an adult.
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parentalrights1
by on Mar. 14, 2013 at 10:19 AM
Yeah probably, but I was a kid and didnt have anyone to explain any of it to me nor did any of my attempts (few) really seem to work so I was scared o what would happen.
I just hate when I see a post about victims committing suicide and there's some asshole who claims they were bullied until they kicked all their asses. They think everyone else has the confidence they did. They just don't.

My mom even asks me now why I didnt tell her I was bullied so bad. I DID tell her. Especially that year with the tall skinny, ugly twin and the short fat twin. I still had to ride that bus every day

There was one time though that I managed to muster up a good slap on one particular girl and much to my surprise, not one of her friends came after me. The whole bus seemed to enjoy the loud crack sound, which is good cuz I couldn't take a whole bus


Quoting turtle68:

 


Quoting parentalrights1:

Also if the child is low in confidence and doesn't know how to fight, then expecting them to fight is worthless. They will either lose or just not do it and continue getting bullied

 my 14yo is not a fighter and very much doesnt like confrontation of any sort....he was bullied for a few days by a pack of boys.  One hit him another tripped him...took his bag.  It was esculating and I said to him you will have to stand up to them and tell them to fuck off until I can sort this out with the principal.  My son is not small but his demeanour is one of weakness. He was frightened of being hit and hurt by these boys.


I reminded him that he just got punched by his brother recently and what did that feel like...he said yeah it hurt but not that bad.  I said its just the same....and there is absolutely no shame in losing a fight where you have had to defend yourself.  If you dont show these boys that you are willing to take a hit and just as willing to throw one then they will keep on annoying the hell out of you every day.  Bullies dont like victims that are hard work.


He did stand face to face with them and told them to piss off....he told me he was so scared and that he thought he might cry if they hit him...but they didnt they just walked away.  He has never had any problems with them again.


Losing a defensive fight holds no shame. 


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LNLMommy
by Queen K on Mar. 14, 2013 at 10:58 AM

 I think I'd be like that too...it's hard to contain yourself if your child is being bullied

Quoting IhartU:

 I always find myself thinking about that scene in THE HAND THAT ROCKS THE CRADLE when the crazy nanny finds out the little girl is being bullied and then goes up to kids when no grown-ups are around and threatens him. I think I'd be like that. Reporting and talking to the parents rarely does anything but if you scare the shit out of the bully, maybe he'd stop and if the bully dares to tell anyone what you said to them, you can always say the kids making it all up and you have no idea what he's talking about.

 

 

turtle68
by Mahinaarangi on Mar. 14, 2013 at 6:38 PM
that is truly sad. My dad always said to me that if you start at fighting then you have nowhere else to go...but down. I try to install that behaviour before anything else. However I know how scared my son was to stand up to these boys and tried to calm him as well as at the same time explain to him that if he didnt attempt (not win) attempt to curb their behaviour....the bullying will only get worse. Self confidence can get worse if someone stays quiet. My parents did install a lot of confidence in me...I try to do the same, but as I found out...not every kid comes out the same and every kid is different. All I can say to help those with kids who are bullied....Know your kid...because handling the situation is all dependant on how your child can work through it. sad for little you :-(
Quoting parentalrights1:

Yeah probably, but I was a kid and didnt have anyone to explain any of it to me nor did any of my attempts (few) really seem to work so I was scared o what would happen.
I just hate when I see a post about victims committing suicide and there's some asshole who claims they were bullied until they kicked all their asses. They think everyone else has the confidence they did. They just don't.

My mom even asks me now why I didnt tell her I was bullied so bad. I DID tell her. Especially that year with the tall skinny, ugly twin and the short fat twin. I still had to ride that bus every day

There was one time though that I managed to muster up a good slap on one particular girl and much to my surprise, not one of her friends came after me. The whole bus seemed to enjoy the loud crack sound, which is good cuz I couldn't take a whole bus


Quoting turtle68:

 


Quoting parentalrights1:

Also if the child is low in confidence and doesn't know how to fight, then expecting them to fight is worthless. They will either lose or just not do it and continue getting bullied

 my 14yo is not a fighter and very much doesnt like confrontation of any sort....he was bullied for a few days by a pack of boys.  One hit him another tripped him...took his bag.  It was esculating and I said to him you will have to stand up to them and tell them to fuck off until I can sort this out with the principal.  My son is not small but his demeanour is one of weakness. He was frightened of being hit and hurt by these boys.


I reminded him that he just got punched by his brother recently and what did that feel like...he said yeah it hurt but not that bad.  I said its just the same....and there is absolutely no shame in losing a fight where you have had to defend yourself.  If you dont show these boys that you are willing to take a hit and just as willing to throw one then they will keep on annoying the hell out of you every day.  Bullies dont like victims that are hard work.


He did stand face to face with them and told them to piss off....he told me he was so scared and that he thought he might cry if they hit him...but they didnt they just walked away.  He has never had any problems with them again.


Losing a defensive fight holds no shame. 


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