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*edited and added a poll* Are you going to explain the Steubenville rape case to your kid?

Posted by on Mar. 17, 2013 at 11:09 AM
  • 65 Replies

 

Poll

Question: Do you plan to or have you already talked to your children about the Steubenville rape case?

Options:

Yes

No

Other, with explaination


Only group members can vote in this poll.

Total Votes: 44

View Results

My DD is 8 1/2 and very bright and asking questions (explained in post below)...Are you planning on talking to your children, boys and girls, about this case? If so, how old and how do you plan to approach it?

I think we can learn from each other here. I see this as a very good opportunity to teach both genders about rape, sexual assault, proper witness behavior and use of social media.

Neon Washable Paint

by on Mar. 17, 2013 at 11:09 AM
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Replies (1-10):
FromAtoZ
by AllieCat on Mar. 17, 2013 at 11:14 AM
1 mom liked this

My children are not that young any longer.  But if the girls were, I would be as honest as possible, while keeping their age in mind.  That is, if they heard about it at all.  I don't know that I would bring it up.

However, after reading more about the lack of common sense these kids posses that are involved, I would indeed be talking to them about what is right and wrong.  That involves a lot but my goodness, the fact that some of the boys truly did not see any thing 'wrong' with walking in on a girl who was obviously incoherent, lying on a floor, with a boy on each side of her, one smacking his dick against her hip while the other had his fingers inside her..........scares the hell out of me.

Or while the same girl is in the backseat, incoherent, and they are digitally violating her..........

And drinking at the age, getting so drunk and 'friends' who are expected to take care of  you when you allow yourself to get that way.  Every one has a personal responsibility to themselves.  Not to mention the parents involved.

It's a mess all the way around.  A hell of a lot to learn from.

There is a lot here to talkabout with our children.  It is how we go about it.  No specifics and certainly no graphic details but the overall moral character one should have should be discussed.

NWP
by guerrilla girl on Mar. 17, 2013 at 11:27 AM

My daughter, who is very bright, overheard DH and I discussing how happy we were with this verdict and wants to know why we want those boys to go to jail.

I explained some, but being the super-intellegent child she is, she is asking more specifics. I told her that I needed to figure out how to tell her this and would get back with her, but that I WOULD answer her questions....

Being the super-intellegent child she is, she accepted this answer but will expect me to follow up.

Now I am stuck with it. I am thinking about doing a follow-up on the good touch/bad touch talk she knows so well and throw in a substance abuse lecture too. This could be good because I just heard from a parent of older kids that an eight grader in her school is sexually active with an older boy and starting to bring x to school to "share"....

Quoting FromAtoZ:

My children are not that young any longer.  But if the girls were, I would be as honest as possible, while keeping their age in mind.  That is, if they heard about it at all.  I don't know that I would bring it up.

However, after reading more about the lack of common sense these kids posses that are involved, I would indeed be talking to them about what is right and wrong.  That involves a lot but my goodness, the fact that some of the boys truly did not see any thing 'wrong' with walking in on a girl who was obviously incoherent, lying on a floor, with a boy on each side of her, one smacking his dick against her hip while the other had his fingers inside her..........scares the hell out of me.

Or while the same girl is in the backseat, incoherent, and they are digitally violating her..........

And drinking at the age, getting so drunk and 'friends' who are expected to take care of  you when you allow yourself to get that way.  Every one has a personal responsibility to themselves.  Not to mention the parents involved.

It's a mess all the way around.  A hell of a lot to learn from.

There is a lot here to talkabout with our children.  It is how we go about it.  No specifics and certainly no graphic details but the overall moral character one should have should be discussed.


Neon Washable Paint

zoniechick
by Member on Mar. 17, 2013 at 11:35 AM
1 mom liked this

 Situations like this are difficult to deal with. I have an 8 year old and an almost 5 year old. In the morning we watch the news, either gma or cbs. If I think it is too much I turn it. It gives us a chance to talk about more serious situations. It can also give me a chance to teach something. Like trying to explain the selecting of a pope and the Catholicreligion, or honey boo boo. This was something I thought was too much for my kids, so when the coverage of the trial was featured on cbs in the morning, I turned it. My kids do not know what sex is, let alone rape.

 

I agree with AtoZ, difficult to talk about and very concerning with those involved. There seems to be some serious lack of education, responsibility, and guidance on the parties involved. This is why teenage drinking is such bad idea. I mean wtf! As rational adults we see the wrong, these kids did not. Where where her friends? I know I would never let that happen to one of my friends. What about the boys. No rational thinking among any of them.

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FromAtoZ
by AllieCat on Mar. 17, 2013 at 11:36 AM


Quoting NWP:

My daughter, who is very bright, overheard DH and I discussing how happy we were with this verdict and wants to know why we want those boys to go to jail.

I explained some, but being the super-intellegent child she is, she is asking more specifics. I told her that I needed to figure out how to tell her this and would get back with her, but that I WOULD answer her questions....

Being the super-intellegent child she is, she accepted this answer but will expect me to follow up.

Now I am stuck with it. I am thinking about doing a follow-up on the good touch/bad touch talk she knows so well and throw in a substance abuse lecture too. This could be good because I just heard from a parent of older kids that an eight grader in her school is sexually active with an older boy and starting to bring x to school to "share"....

Quoting FromAtoZ:

My children are not that young any longer.  But if the girls were, I would be as honest as possible, while keeping their age in mind.  That is, if they heard about it at all.  I don't know that I would bring it up.

However, after reading more about the lack of common sense these kids posses that are involved, I would indeed be talking to them about what is right and wrong.  That involves a lot but my goodness, the fact that some of the boys truly did not see any thing 'wrong' with walking in on a girl who was obviously incoherent, lying on a floor, with a boy on each side of her, one smacking his dick against her hip while the other had his fingers inside her..........scares the hell out of me.

Or while the same girl is in the backseat, incoherent, and they are digitally violating her..........

And drinking at the age, getting so drunk and 'friends' who are expected to take care of  you when you allow yourself to get that way.  Every one has a personal responsibility to themselves.  Not to mention the parents involved.

It's a mess all the way around.  A hell of a lot to learn from.

There is a lot here to talkabout with our children.  It is how we go about it.  No specifics and certainly no graphic details but the overall moral character one should have should be discussed.


Take this opportunity to teach your daughter, allow her to express her feelings, her questions, etc.  You are right, this good indeed be a good opportunity to do so.

Sadly, yes..........children as young as 8, and even younger, are sexually active.  There are those who are talking about it but they are only talking about the coolness of talking about it.  They haven't a clue as to the realities, even age appropriate realities.  We cannot hide our children, no matter what we do, from this but we can certainly ensure they are educated and know the truth, facts and otherwise.

Even with my 13 year old, there has been much to talk about.  

JakeandEmmasMom
by Platinum Member on Mar. 17, 2013 at 11:36 AM

 I wouldn't go into too much detail about the specific details of the case, and if she wanted specifics, I would tell her that they aren't important and is infomation that is inappropriate for her at this age (this is my opinion for my family.  You may have a different set of rules).  I would explain that they raped a girl who was at a party and was drunk.  I would explain that rape is sex against the person's consent.  I would explain that someone who is drunk cannot legally consent.  I would explain that things like this are one of the many reasons that it is unwise for underage people to use alcohol or drugs, and that it is never wise for people to drink to the point of incapacitation.  I would also make the point that rape is rape under all circumstances, and it is never okay for any reason and that the victim is never to blame...And that's why I'm glad they're were convicted.  ;-)

KristenFowles
by Member on Mar. 17, 2013 at 11:37 AM
1 mom liked this
I would never bring it up.. But if asked, I'd be honest.
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zoniechick
by Member on Mar. 17, 2013 at 11:43 AM
1 mom liked this

 I have gone over "private" places with my kids and getting dressed in private.  Just nothing further. I feel like I am being way over protective, maybe it is time to have a further discussion with the older one.

Quoting NWP:

My daughter, who is very bright, overheard DH and I discussing how happy we were with this verdict and wants to know why we want those boys to go to jail.

I explained some, but being the super-intellegent child she is, she is asking more specifics. I told her that I needed to figure out how to tell her this and would get back with her, but that I WOULD answer her questions....

Being the super-intellegent child she is, she accepted this answer but will expect me to follow up.

Now I am stuck with it. I am thinking about doing a follow-up on the good touch/bad touch talk she knows so well and throw in a substance abuse lecture too. This could be good because I just heard from a parent of older kids that an eight grader in her school is sexually active with an older boy and starting to bring x to school to "share"....

Quoting FromAtoZ:

My children are not that young any longer.  But if the girls were, I would be as honest as possible, while keeping their age in mind.  That is, if they heard about it at all.  I don't know that I would bring it up.

However, after reading more about the lack of common sense these kids posses that are involved, I would indeed be talking to them about what is right and wrong.  That involves a lot but my goodness, the fact that some of the boys truly did not see any thing 'wrong' with walking in on a girl who was obviously incoherent, lying on a floor, with a boy on each side of her, one smacking his dick against her hip while the other had his fingers inside her..........scares the hell out of me.

Or while the same girl is in the backseat, incoherent, and they are digitally violating her..........

And drinking at the age, getting so drunk and 'friends' who are expected to take care of  you when you allow yourself to get that way.  Every one has a personal responsibility to themselves.  Not to mention the parents involved.

It's a mess all the way around.  A hell of a lot to learn from.

There is a lot here to talkabout with our children.  It is how we go about it.  No specifics and certainly no graphic details but the overall moral character one should have should be discussed.


 

NWP
by guerrilla girl on Mar. 17, 2013 at 11:47 AM
3 moms liked this

Thanks for your replies so far. This has helped. I think I know how to proceed now.

Follow up on good touch/bad touch. That these boys were participating in "bad touch" with a girl who could not say stop or run away and cry for help, as I have taught her to do. Then use that as a segway to...

The substance abuse discussion.

I don't see that we need to bring in anything about sexual intercourse or use the "rape" word here....I believe that this could be enough for her for now.

DestinyHLewis
by Destiny on Mar. 17, 2013 at 11:58 AM

I do my best to keep theses kinds of stories from my 3 young daughters at this point. My oldest just turned 9 a few weeks ago. We have talked about sex in general, not specifics, more from a biological and marital point. I am hoping to avoid violent sex talks till she is a bit older. We have always talked about proper and improper touching, that sort of thing, to keep her safe. 

If she heard about it I know she would have a lot of questions that would lead to a lot of other questions, in depth questions I am not sure if I am ready to answer. Something to think about for sure. I have been pretty lucky so far. We live in a fairly conservative area as far as parents go, and it hasn't been an issue yet. Then again I am extremely strict as to who my kids hang around with when I am not with them.

I hate thinking about this stuff. For me it is deep seeded. Obviously something I need to deal with and get over. I have 3 girls who are not getting any younger. This is a tough one. 

DestinyHLewis
by Destiny on Mar. 17, 2013 at 12:00 PM


I could totally see that scenario going down exactly like that in my house. Oy. My 9 year old would do the exact same thing. Scares me to death. 

Quoting NWP:

My daughter, who is very bright, overheard DH and I discussing how happy we were with this verdict and wants to know why we want those boys to go to jail.

I explained some, but being the super-intellegent child she is, she is asking more specifics. I told her that I needed to figure out how to tell her this and would get back with her, but that I WOULD answer her questions....

Being the super-intellegent child she is, she accepted this answer but will expect me to follow up.

Now I am stuck with it. I am thinking about doing a follow-up on the good touch/bad touch talk she knows so well and throw in a substance abuse lecture too. This could be good because I just heard from a parent of older kids that an eight grader in her school is sexually active with an older boy and starting to bring x to school to "share"....

Quoting FromAtoZ:

My children are not that young any longer.  But if the girls were, I would be as honest as possible, while keeping their age in mind.  That is, if they heard about it at all.  I don't know that I would bring it up.

However, after reading more about the lack of common sense these kids posses that are involved, I would indeed be talking to them about what is right and wrong.  That involves a lot but my goodness, the fact that some of the boys truly did not see any thing 'wrong' with walking in on a girl who was obviously incoherent, lying on a floor, with a boy on each side of her, one smacking his dick against her hip while the other had his fingers inside her..........scares the hell out of me.

Or while the same girl is in the backseat, incoherent, and they are digitally violating her..........

And drinking at the age, getting so drunk and 'friends' who are expected to take care of  you when you allow yourself to get that way.  Every one has a personal responsibility to themselves.  Not to mention the parents involved.

It's a mess all the way around.  A hell of a lot to learn from.

There is a lot here to talkabout with our children.  It is how we go about it.  No specifics and certainly no graphic details but the overall moral character one should have should be discussed.




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