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Educating yourself about a rape victim and her responsibility

Posted by on Mar. 17, 2013 at 9:29 PM
  • 113 Replies
18 moms liked this


Presuming we are all women here, I’d like to specifically address blaming a rape victim because I have a difficult time understanding women blaming women. 

Recent events have brought a lot of discussion and dissention to CM. There seems to be some disagreement regarding the percentage of responsibility a victim is culpable.  For purposes of education for ourselves and our children I implore you all to volunteer, even for one day, at a rape crisis center. 

Early in my legal career I was working for the District Attorney’s office and sexual violent crimes are abundant. Starting a rape case goes a little something like this, from the legal perspective: You receive a call regarding a rape crime and sometimes you’re called after the examination but sometimes you’re not. If you’re not you go to the hospital. You enter a room and look into the eyes of a victim. There is no more speculation of whether she is drunk or on drugs because literally all you can see is the look of the most frightened to the core shred of a human being you’ll ever see.  Despite your feelings of human compassion you are required to start asking questions along with every one else in the room. You want to ask the questions while the incident is still raw so hopefully you’ll get more information. While asking these questions and waiting for the answers you will feel like one of the worst people that walks the earth for making this victim recount the gory details of her attack. You’re required to ask EVERYTHING, very indelicate questions. When the man attacked you, did he only penetrate you with his penis? Did he penetrate you with the gun in your anus? When he entered your vagina digitally, how many fingers did he use? When you were pinned to the ground did he spread your legs with his hands or knees? Did he bite your nipple off before, after or during penetration? These are REAL questions.  Then the victim has to make decisions like, does she want emergency birth control? Antibiotics she’ll have to take to hopefully prevent an STD or HIV? This is ONLY within the first few hours post attack.

So think for just a minute, what would you do if you had to endure the violent crime that is rape? How would you feel being in a hospital room, with your legs spread, being examined by several people, samples being taken, people asking questions, etc? How would you tell people? Your family, your spouse, your children, your parents, your community? Now imagine a woman, maybe standing in front of you or maybe on an online forum, making a flippant comment like “pffffft she was dressed like a whore so she deserved it.” If you’re the victim how would you feel

So please, talk openly and honestly with your sons and daughters. Tell them EVERYTHING. And please, for the love of God, volunteer at a rape crisis center. Look into the eyes of just one victim and speak to her.  If you can do this and still turn around and say “well I wonder when she’ll get charged for her crime of drinking too much?” then at least your opinion will be of one that is educated. 


by on Mar. 17, 2013 at 9:29 PM
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Replies (1-10):
jadedcynic
by NerdyJen on Mar. 17, 2013 at 9:30 PM
5 moms liked this

This sums everything up. hugs

FromAtoZ
by AllieCat on Mar. 17, 2013 at 9:33 PM
2 moms liked this

clapping

TruthSeeker.
by Milami on Mar. 17, 2013 at 9:41 PM
6 moms liked this

 Very articulate and well thought out post.  I hope it reaches at least one person.  

eema.gray
by on Mar. 17, 2013 at 9:51 PM

BUMP!

NWP
by guerrilla girl on Mar. 17, 2013 at 10:41 PM
6 moms liked this

I have been floored by some of the comments in these threads. I can honestly say that I will forever look down in judgement on some of these people because of the comments they have made about this girl...and that has happened to me only once in here over another tragedy.

The statistic is that one in every 25 people has sociopathic tendencies. It is the only way I can fathom they would even seriously consider thinking of the victim in this manner, is that they have absolutely no conscience or empathy. Considering the number of members, I guess it makes sense that there are some here as well.

Neon Washable Paint

futureshock
by Ruby Member on Mar. 17, 2013 at 10:44 PM

Well said.

futureshock
by Ruby Member on Mar. 17, 2013 at 10:45 PM
2 moms liked this


Quoting NWP:

I have been floored by some of the comments in these threads. I can honestly say that I will forever look down in judgement on some of these people because of the comments they have made about this girl...and that has happened to me only once in here over another tragedy.

The statistic is that one in every 25 people has sociopathic tendencies. It is the only way I can fathom they would even seriously consider thinking of the victim in this manner, is that they have absolutely no conscience or empathy. Considering the number of members, I guess it makes sense that there are some here as well.

That is a chilling thought but it makes sense.

Veni.Vidi.Vici.
by on Mar. 17, 2013 at 10:49 PM

clapping

JCB911
by Bronze Member on Mar. 17, 2013 at 11:13 PM
7 moms liked this

My thinking is that people try to blame the victim b/c it's easier than thinking it could happen to us.  If you blame the woman b/c she dressed a certain way, or drank or whatever, you can pretend that it wouldn't happen to you b/c you don't do those things. But you're only fooling yourself. 

People tend to do this with just about everything.  Blame the victim, even minimally, and you can pretend your immune from the horrible things in life. 

parentalrights1
by on Mar. 17, 2013 at 11:13 PM
6 moms liked this
I don't understand how women still have these Puritan ass views of sexuality. Calling girls who dare to go out and get drunk or have sex with more than one man in their lifetime "whores". You know damn well they don't get men half the shit they give other women.



No means no. No amount of intoxication or showing skin justifies forcing your penis into someone else's body.



If a woman wants to have fun and drink ten she can. If she wants to have premarital sex with more than one man, you shouldn't even be concerned with what goes on in someone else's bedroom.



Victim blamers are scumbags. I definitely think I, as well as most people, are above them. As smug as that sounds, I'm sorry, but I believe it. Those nasty victim blamers talking shit about those poor women are shit
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