Educating yourself about a rape victim and her responsibility
Presuming we are all women here, I’d like to specifically address blaming a rape victim because I have a difficult time understanding women blaming women.
Recent events have brought a lot of discussion and dissention to CM. There seems to be some disagreement regarding the percentage of responsibility a victim is culpable. For purposes of education for ourselves and our children I implore you all to volunteer, even for one day, at a rape crisis center.
Early in my legal career I was working for the District Attorney’s office and sexual violent crimes are abundant. Starting a rape case goes a little something like this, from the legal perspective: You receive a call regarding a rape crime and sometimes you’re called after the examination but sometimes you’re not. If you’re not you go to the hospital. You enter a room and look into the eyes of a victim. There is no more speculation of whether she is drunk or on drugs because literally all you can see is the look of the most frightened to the core shred of a human being you’ll ever see. Despite your feelings of human compassion you are required to start asking questions along with every one else in the room. You want to ask the questions while the incident is still raw so hopefully you’ll get more information. While asking these questions and waiting for the answers you will feel like one of the worst people that walks the earth for making this victim recount the gory details of her attack. You’re required to ask EVERYTHING, very indelicate questions. When the man attacked you, did he only penetrate you with his penis? Did he penetrate you with the gun in your anus? When he entered your vagina digitally, how many fingers did he use? When you were pinned to the ground did he spread your legs with his hands or knees? Did he bite your nipple off before, after or during penetration? These are REAL questions. Then the victim has to make decisions like, does she want emergency birth control? Antibiotics she’ll have to take to hopefully prevent an STD or HIV? This is ONLY within the first few hours post attack.
So think for just a minute, what would you do if you had to endure the violent crime that is rape? How would you feel being in a hospital room, with your legs spread, being examined by several people, samples being taken, people asking questions, etc? How would you tell people? Your family, your spouse, your children, your parents, your community? Now imagine a woman, maybe standing in front of you or maybe on an online forum, making a flippant comment like “pffffft she was dressed like a whore so she deserved it.” If you’re the victim how would you feel?
So please, talk openly and honestly with your sons and daughters. Tell them EVERYTHING. And please, for the love of God, volunteer at a rape crisis center. Look into the eyes of just one victim and speak to her. If you can do this and still turn around and say “well I wonder when she’ll get charged for her crime of drinking too much?” then at least your opinion will be of one that is educated.