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Parenting question, opinions..............

Posted by on Mar. 21, 2013 at 1:49 PM
  • 47 Replies

How involved are you with your young child (think middle school.....6-8th grade) in regards to ensuring they are home at a decent hour, they are fed appropriate food and there is sufficient time for home work and what ever else may need to be accomplished?

Do you take your child any and every where you may want to go prior to ensuring their school work is dealt with?  

Does your child's life revolve around your own personal life? 

Do you believe in any type of structure or a just 'take it as it comes' type of thinking?

What if a child is used to structure and also needs it, to do their best and to ensure they accomplish what they must do?  Do the needs of the child trump the needs of the parent or vice verse?

by on Mar. 21, 2013 at 1:49 PM
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Veni.Vidi.Vici.
by on Mar. 21, 2013 at 1:49 PM

Saving my spot because I have toddlers. This is something that is always on my mind, too.

krysstizzle
by on Mar. 21, 2013 at 1:57 PM
3 moms liked this


Quoting FromAtoZ:

How involved are you with your young child (think middle school.....6-8th grade) in regards to ensuring they are home at a decent hour, they are fed appropriate food and there is sufficient time for home work and what ever else may need to be accomplished? 

About as involved as can be, I suppose. Dinner and breakfast every week day during the school week. He is in charge of his homework, but I keep an eye on things daily. Bed time if pretty sancrosanct still. He's only 11 in 6th grade, btw.

Do you take your child any and every where you may want to go prior to ensuring their school work is dealt with?  

Depends on the situation. He doesn't have a lot of home work, so if I have stuff to do, we'll go do it. Sometimes it's very little work, like a one-sided worksheet. I don't mind doing other stuff before that gets done, as long as it does get done.

Does your child's life revolve around your own personal life? 

Hardly. :) It's a balance, really. As long as their needs are being adequately met and there is stability, I feel free have a 'personal' life outside of the kids. 

Do you believe in any type of structure or a just 'take it as it comes' type of thinking?

Somewhere in the middle. Sem-structured, with lots of room for spontanaity. 

What if a child is used to structure and also needs it, to do their best and to ensure they accomplish what they must do?  Do the needs of the child trump the needs of the parent or vice verse?

Imo, the child's needs must be met. My mantra is balance. A healthy, happy parent is the best parent, so parents need to take care of themselves, as well. 


pamelax3
by Gold Member on Mar. 21, 2013 at 2:04 PM
1 mom liked this

in regards to ensuring they are home at a decent hour, they are fed appropriate food and there is sufficient time for home work and what ever else may need to be accomplished?

My DD will be 16 in  two weeks, it has always been a rule for all of us on a school night we are home by 9, unless we are at one of her events, we fix dinner every night, pack lunches and eat breakfast, homework is done before anything else, chores and then it is her free time.

Do you take your child any and every where you may want to go prior to ensuring their school work is dealt with?  She only goes when her school work and chores are done

Does your child's life revolve around your own personal life? No my life pretty much revolves around hers..LOL

We have structure to a point, some times there is room for the take it as it comes attitude, with the exception of her school work . In my house we have respect for each other's needs, there is times our will trump our children's and then there are times where theirs trump ours., it just depends on the situation

Donna6503
by Platinum Member on Mar. 21, 2013 at 2:05 PM
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Between, 12 to 14 years of age. I believe your kids should be given (and held) responsible for some independence living.

Increase in chores that are "family" related ... For example; by Sunday, you will have the office vacuumed and dust, this week you will be responsible for the care if pets and plants, etc.

This will give the child a certain leeway, on their Independence but you must remain firm on the accountability of your kids behavior and responsibility.

But, than again I'm not a cool parent.
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Alysse24
by on Mar. 21, 2013 at 2:09 PM
1 mom liked this

I have 4 boys; 2 in high school and 2 in elementary school so this is what we've done in the past and what we'll do.

We're very involved in their school, sports, friends, etc. Once home from school they are free to do what they want to do until dinner time. They have to be home 20 minutes before dinner is done and homework has to be done before going back out to play, watch t.v., or do whatever they want to do. 

No, they did not go everywhere with us. Shopping is a pain to begin with, so I don't bring my kids unless necessary. They have to come to grandma's house though and if they still have homework to do they finish it there or after the visit. Family comes first. 

No, my children's lives don't revolve around my own personal life. But maybe mine revolves around there's...I wouldn't have the friends I have right now if my children weren't here. We have a second family because of our children's activities and I'm so grateful for those people to be in my life. 

Structure is good! From Sunday at 5:00 pm to Friday at 5:00 pm structure is essential. The weekend is a take it as it comes. Of course, that usually means friends, hockey, friends, and more hockey. 

I don't think the child trumps the parent or the parent trumps the child. There is a balance that needs to be found. Structure is necessary for my kids' academic success. No structure is necessary for my and my husbands success. We get that on the weekends and when we go on vacation. I don't mind the sacrifice that I make to my 'take it as it comes' personality for my children because I love them more than anything and want them to succeed. If that means we have structure for their well being, academic success, and happiness than I am more than willing to do that. That's what parenting is about, to me at least.

OHgirlinCA
by Platinum Member on Mar. 21, 2013 at 2:11 PM
1 mom liked this

 

Quoting FromAtoZ:

How involved are you with your young child (think middle school.....6-8th grade) in regards to ensuring they are home at a decent hour, they are fed appropriate food and there is sufficient time for home work and what ever else may need to be accomplished? Two of my children are in high school and I have one in Kindergarten.  They are always home at a decent hour unless there is a special event that was planned beforehand.  I make sure they have an appropriate breakfast, pack decent lunches, and make them dinner.  They have ample time to do their homework and other responsibilities. 

Do you take your child any and every where you may want to go prior to ensuring their school work is dealt with?  School work comes first.  If I have somewhere I would like to go where they would have to accompany me, I will wait until their schoolwork is complete. 

Does your child's life revolve around your own personal life?  Not at all.  I work around their schedules.  They are the first priority.

Do you believe in any type of structure or a just 'take it as it comes' type of thinking?  My high school son has severe ADHD and needs structure.  Our days are pretty predictable from one day to the next. 

What if a child is used to structure and also needs it, to do their best and to ensure they accomplish what they must do?  Do the needs of the child trump the needs of the parent or vice verse?  The needs of the child most certainly trumps the needs of the parent.  That's what parental responsibility is all about. 

 

FromAtoZ
by AllieCat on Mar. 21, 2013 at 2:12 PM

Thanks for the replies.

I'm always interested in what others do, how they feel about certain things.

There is more I wanted to bring up, discuss, but I must head off to work soon.  I didn't realize the time when I posted, otherwise I would have done so sooner to my departure to work. lol

JoshRachelsMAMA
by JRM on Mar. 21, 2013 at 2:13 PM
I'll come back
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Woodbabe
by Woodie on Mar. 21, 2013 at 2:37 PM

I worked part-time when they were that age, but I always scheduled my therapy sessions during school hours (a lucky break that my job allowed it) so I was able to stay pretty involved in my middle school kids lives. I was there when they woke up, I made them breakfast (we didn't do cereal and fast food in the mornings) and I drove them to school until the new schools opened and they had bus service. I picked them up after school/activities after school and brought them home, where they grabbed whatever they wanted to eat and they settled in to do homework (as IF it was as easy as it sounded). Basically they didn't run the streets and meet their friends at the rec center until after homework was done. That was the priority. If it took all night, fine. If it was done and they had time, go have fun. We usually had a later dinner (6-7pm) and unless they were participating in an outside activiy, they were headed towards their rooms for the night by 8pm. They could read, do whatever quietly and lights were out by 9.

Gee...sounds pretty boring! LOL 

I got my own errands run during the school day so the afternoons were their time to decompress and have down time.

 Sexy If its unladylike, fattening or fun, I'm in!
  

Paperfishies
by Silver Member on Mar. 21, 2013 at 2:43 PM
We are a laid back, take things as they come type of family, for the most part.
I do make my 4thr grader do her homework when she gets out of school, right after her snack. And I also make everything she does my business.
On school nights bedtime is 10ish...and on non school nights there isn't a bed time.
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