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I've been reading so many downright disgusting comments about women and rape now that it has once again made international headlines (India, Ohio, etc. etc.)

I wrote up a blog expressing some thoughts, but here was a key point that I wanted to discuss-

"

People, so many people- are jumping at the bit, justifying rape at the expense of the victim.

She didn’t say no soon enough. She was a tease. She dressed a certain way. She hung out in the wrong venue. She put herself in a bad position (drinking, drugs).

Here’s the thing I’m hearing here:

Women are walking around, available to screw any time a guy wants to. UNLESS she says no."

Do you agree with that conclusion? That some people seem to think that sex is okay-expected- unless they object (soon enough), vs. sex isn't expected, deserved, etc UNLESS she consents? What do you feel is causing statements like the above examples to be made?

by on Mar. 23, 2013 at 11:19 AM
Replies (21-30):
ReadWriteLuv
by Silver Member on Mar. 23, 2013 at 12:14 PM
5 moms liked this


Quoting jehosoba84:

 

 I agree. I'm referring to the women who dress baring everything and drink/use drugs among strangers.  They are not usually in a state to say no, but throughout the evening they've been saying "Yes" with their bodies.   I'm not referring to forcible rape.

I need to walk away now. 

I assure you that even though I had entirely too much to drink that night, I wasn't asking for it. Women like you kind of make me sick. 

PinkParadox
by Member on Mar. 23, 2013 at 12:14 PM
True. I was more responding to the situation that both parties are inebriated

Quoting Ms.KitKat:

 Even if a woman is drinking and drugging; I feel that is even MORE reason to back away!!!! It is quite obvious when a person is inebriated and therefore can not give consent. A person who has sex with an inebriated person is not obtaining consent and therefore it is forced (aka rape).


 


Quoting PinkParadox:

Drinking & drugs are certainly a separate issue, but the amount of skin shown is irrelevant. Period. Woman should be able to show as much skin as they want. Why? Because nakedness does not equal sex. Ever.



Quoting jehosoba84:


 



Quoting PinkParadox:

So, at the end of the day, we are responsible for the action of men? Men are brainless beasts with no personal accountability? Men have no responsibility for themselves? Absolutely not. But the way women dress these days...Don't you see that you're inviting the wrong kind of attention? And don't women have any sort of self-preservation, getting drunk/high/etc with people they don't know? Where is their sense of personal responsiblity? No, it does not mean that they 'deserve' it. But they are asking for it. I speak from personal experience in this matter.

I personally think everyone should walk around naked, because this would be a non issue.

People will jump down my throat, but I blame organized religion for most of our current society issues.




Quoting jehosoba84:



 Maybe my thinking is a product of the society I live in.   But if I go out, dressed like a skank, get drunk among strangers.... I really shouldn't be surprised if I get taken advantage of. By that.. I don't mean forcible rape. I mean he's drunk, and I'm drunk. Things happen that I didn't want to happen. According to law, that is rape.   




 In my opinion, a woman can dress very classy/sexy without baring breasts and wearing mini skirts. That kind of clothing send a very clear message. Men are visually oriented, we all know this. So why do we as women dress the way we do (leaving nothing to the imagination) and then act all surprised when we get 'unwanted' attention from it?



 


 

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Presley77
by Member on Mar. 23, 2013 at 12:14 PM
4 moms liked this
Essentially this says to me men have no control over themselves and women are responsible for their behavior.
No.
When Men walk about with no shirt on, bulge protruding.... Do we think raping them is then expected and acceptable?
No.



Quoting jehosoba84:

 Maybe my thinking is a product of the society I live in.   But if I go out, dressed like a skank, get drunk among strangers.... I really shouldn't be surprised if I get taken advantage of. By that.. I don't mean forcible rape. I mean he's drunk, and I'm drunk. Things happen that I didn't want to happen. According to law, that is rape.   


 In my opinion, a woman can dress very classy/sexy without baring breasts and wearing mini skirts. That kind of clothing send a very clear message. Men are visually oriented, we all know this. So why do we as women dress the way we do (leaving nothing to the imagination) and then act all surprised when we get 'unwanted' attention from it?


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ethans_momma06
by Bronze Member on Mar. 23, 2013 at 12:15 PM


This is EXACTLY what I was talking about in the post.

Quoting jehosoba84:

 

Quoting FromAtoZ:


I'm really trying to explain my thoughts on this without making it seem like I'm just making excuses for men. But you say she must tell him so with words. Women are much more verbal than men. they are more visual creatures. In *his* mind she has already told him she would be open to sex by the way she dressed and acted. Can you really blame him to thinking so? So to me, it's not 'unless she tells him so with words' it's more like 'unless she tells him no with words.'   Did that make sense?


mehamil1
by Platinum Member on Mar. 23, 2013 at 12:15 PM
5 moms liked this

Women are not pieces of property that are for sale. Our bodies are not any kind of advertisment. Your grandma bought into some really sexist notions that have zero to do with wisdom. Women are not raped because of what they are wearing. There is zero evidence to support that notion. 

Quoting GrannyM.:

My Grandmother used to say..."If it's not for sale stop advertising it"....God Bless Her Wise Words...

Presley77
by Member on Mar. 23, 2013 at 12:17 PM
4 moms liked this
Men hang with strangers getting drunk high ect all the time and yet there is no talk about them being wrong for those actions. Yet if a woman does that suddenly she is responsible for others behavior. This is SOOOO wrong on so many levels.
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parentalrights1
by on Mar. 23, 2013 at 12:17 PM
4 moms liked this
Women have a right to engage in society just like men do without being raped.

If a women wants to go party at a club and drink then she can.

If she wants to dress sexy because its fun and she wants to be flirty then she can.

Women don't have to sit there and limit themselves just so they don't get blamed for some other predator raping them.

Plenty of men are not rapists. If a rapist spots an easy target and chooses to act on it then he is 100% at fault.


Quoting jehosoba84:

 


Quoting FromAtoZ:




Quoting jehosoba84:


 


Quoting PinkParadox:

So, at the end of the day, we are responsible for the action of men? Men are brainless beasts with no personal accountability? Men have no responsibility for themselves? Absolutely not. But the way women dress these days...Don't you see that you're inviting the wrong kind of attention? And don't women have any sort of self-preservation, getting drunk/high/etc with people they don't know? Where is their sense of personal responsiblity? No, it does not mean that they 'deserve' it. But they are asking for it. I speak from personal experience in this matter.

I personally think everyone should walk around naked, because this would be a non issue.

People will jump down my throat, but I blame organized religion for most of our current society issues.



Quoting jehosoba84:


 Maybe my thinking is a product of the society I live in.   But if I go out, dressed like a skank, get drunk among strangers.... I really shouldn't be surprised if I get taken advantage of. By that.. I don't mean forcible rape. I mean he's drunk, and I'm drunk. Things happen that I didn't want to happen. According to law, that is rape.   



 In my opinion, a woman can dress very classy/sexy without baring breasts and wearing mini skirts. That kind of clothing send a very clear message. Men are visually oriented, we all know this. So why do we as women dress the way we do (leaving nothing to the imagination) and then act all surprised when we get 'unwanted' attention from it?


 


Asking for attention...........yes, I can agree.  


Asking to be raped........................no.


 I agree. I'm referring to the women who dress baring everything and drink/use drugs among strangers.  They are not usually in a state to say no, but throughout the evening they've been saying "Yes" with their bodies.   I'm not referring to forcible rape.


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mehamil1
by Platinum Member on Mar. 23, 2013 at 12:17 PM
1 mom liked this

That does not mean she's willing to have sex with him and he should not expect it. 

Quoting jehosoba84:
Quoting Ms.KitKat:

 Even if a woman is drinking and drugging; I feel that is even MORE reason to back away!!!! It is quite obvious when a person is inebriated and therefore can not give consent. If a girl has been kissing up on a guy(who may also be inebriated) and rubbing all over him all evening, to me, she has already told him yes. A person who has sex with an inebriated person is not obtaining consent and therefore it is forced (aka rape).

Quoting PinkParadox:

Drinking & drugs are certainly a separate issue, but the amount of skin shown is irrelevant. Period. Woman should be able to show as much skin as they want. Why? Because nakedness does not equal sex. Ever.

It invites that kind of attention. Like granny said in above post, "If it's not for sale, stop advertising it." <--my new favorite quote.

Quoting jehosoba84:
Quoting PinkParadox:
So, at the end of the day, we are responsible for the action of men? Men are brainless beasts with no personal accountability? Men have no responsibility for themselves? Absolutely not. But the way women dress these days...Don't you see that you're inviting the wrong kind of attention? And don't women have any sort of self-preservation, getting drunk/high/etc with people they don't know? Where is their sense of personal responsiblity? No, it does not mean that they 'deserve' it. But they are asking for it. I speak from personal experience in this matter.
I personally think everyone should walk around naked, because this would be a non issue.
People will jump down my throat, but I blame organized religion for most of our current society issues.

Quoting jehosoba84:

 Maybe my thinking is a product of the society I live in.   But if I go out, dressed like a skank, get drunk among strangers.... I really shouldn't be surprised if I get taken advantage of. By that.. I don't mean forcible rape. I mean he's drunk, and I'm drunk. Things happen that I didn't want to happen. According to law, that is rape.   

 In my opinion, a woman can dress very classy/sexy without baring breasts and wearing mini skirts. That kind of clothing send a very clear message. Men are visually oriented, we all know this. So why do we as women dress the way we do (leaving nothing to the imagination) and then act all surprised when we get 'unwanted' attention from it

Citygirlk
by Gold Member on Mar. 23, 2013 at 12:19 PM
2 moms liked this

I was raped, I didn't look slutty. Actually I was wearing a shirt one size too big (it was my brothers I thought it was mine) and a pair of jeans. I fought like hell not to be raped but it happened anyway. For weeks I blamed myself, maybe if I was stronger or did this or that. Then I remember after they caught him one of the cops who was working my case said to me it doesn't matter if you are out At 3am running around butt naked YOU DO NOT DERSERVE TO BE TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF AND RAPED. Her words stuck in my head and saved my from hurting my self. 


Seeing you post this makes me want to vomit. Especially knowing that since you are one this site you are either pregnant or have a child. I hope you never have to go through what I went through.

Quoting jehosoba84:

 Maybe my thinking is a product of the society I live in.   But if I go out, dressed like a skank, get drunk among strangers.... I really shouldn't be surprised if I get taken advantage of. By that.. I don't mean forcible rape. I mean he's drunk, and I'm drunk. Things happen that I didn't want to happen. According to law, that is rape.   

 In my opinion, a woman can dress very classy/sexy without baring breasts and wearing mini skirts. That kind of clothing send a very clear message. Men are visually oriented, we all know this. So why do we as women dress the way we do (leaving nothing to the imagination) and then act all surprised when we get 'unwanted' attention from it?


parentalrights1
by on Mar. 23, 2013 at 12:19 PM
4 moms liked this
Yeah. Next we will be told to wear burqas and never leave the house without a male escort or even be alone with a man.

This is what the "property" mentality has brought us, as well as religion. Keep those women (breeding livestock) in line and make sure they are covered up lest another man look at someone else's property. If another man takes advantage, oh well. That bitch should have acted like a good little woman and stayed inside


Quoting Presley77:

Men hang with strangers getting drunk high ect all the time and yet there is no talk about them being wrong for those actions. Yet if a woman does that suddenly she is responsible for others behavior. This is SOOOO wrong on so many levels.

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