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Why are you a Parent?and what if you weren't?

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 Did you plan to parent?

Something that you prepared for, plotted, planned and made happen?and after some effort (great or small) it happened and so here you are!

Or was parenthood thrust upon you either through a surprise/unexpected/unplanned pregnancy which when it happened, you stepped forward and so here you are!

But most importantly, what if you COULDN'T (due to infertility issues) to what lengths would you go to become a parent.  When would you stop trying (both physical and financial)? Would you ever stop trying? What would be your limit where you would say- "no, I would never go there!" and accept your state as being a "non-parent" 

by on Mar. 25, 2013 at 7:10 PM
Replies (101-106):
sheramom4
by Bronze Member on Mar. 26, 2013 at 10:51 PM

I had DS at 17. Just utter teenage stupidity when it came to birth control. Oldest DD was planned to her due date...and then came 7 weeks early. Then my first husband and I got divorced (father to both).

When I started dating my DH we knew he could not have children without help and decided we were okay with only have my two kids. Right after we got engaged, I found out I was pregnant. We had middle DD, got married and when she was 9 months old (married when she was 4 months) and despite the use of birth control...I was pregnant with youngest DD. We just call them "meant to be" because his urologist called the first a miracle and was just amazed at the second.

Our youngest is 9 and we plan to adopt from foster care in a couple of years. Most likely a sibling group.

RobinChristine
by on Mar. 27, 2013 at 1:15 AM

I have aways wntd children and lts of them. I am hurt,angry and many other emotions because I have only one. I love him to death,and we lost 3 to miscarriage

motha2daDuchess
by Bruja on Mar. 27, 2013 at 3:03 AM

we didn't really plan FOR kids, but we also really didn't do anything to stop the possibility

KennyPooPoo22
by Member on Mar. 27, 2013 at 3:17 AM

Honestly, I never wanted children. I made a mistake and got pregnant. If I didn't have a baby I would be working at a job I love to do or traveling around the country with DF.  I don't know if DF and I would be together or not. I don't think I would have tried to get pregnant if I was told I couldn't conceive.

Ms.KitKat
by Platinum Member on Mar. 27, 2013 at 4:23 PM

 Wow- whenever I hear stories like yours- with their "miracle babies" I am amazed! No doctor should ever say with certainty who can and can not conceive. Although sometiems they are correct- lots of tiems they seem to be very very wrong!

 

Quoting sheramom4:

I had DS at 17. Just utter teenage stupidity when it came to birth control. Oldest DD was planned to her due date...and then came 7 weeks early. Then my first husband and I got divorced (father to both).

When I started dating my DH we knew he could not have children without help and decided we were okay with only have my two kids. Right after we got engaged, I found out I was pregnant. We had middle DD, got married and when she was 9 months old (married when she was 4 months) and despite the use of birth control...I was pregnant with youngest DD. We just call them "meant to be" because his urologist called the first a miracle and was just amazed at the second.

Our youngest is 9 and we plan to adopt from foster care in a couple of years. Most likely a sibling group.

 

Bigmetalchicken
by Silver Member on Mar. 27, 2013 at 5:24 PM

I am a parent because I did not find out until after the fact that BC makes me more fertile. Don't get me wrong, I love my kids, but if I said they were planned, I would be lying.


If I had not been able to get pregnant, I would have been cool with it.  Honestly, I had a rough childhood. One where I parented my mother, endured a ton of abuse, was a mother to my brother, and as a teen I was a caregiver to my terminally ill grandmother.  When that was over, I was more than happy to be done caring for other people completely. 

My husband and I were looking forward to spending our lives together enjoying life. Doing things like travelling, and having lazy Saturdays spent in bed, and pursuing our interests.  Then our son came along, so we put our plans on hold.

If I could not get pregnant, I absolutely would not have wasted money or time on trying. In fact, I think I would have been relieved. Yay, no more money spent on birth control!

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