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Why are you a Parent?and what if you weren't?

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 Did you plan to parent?

Something that you prepared for, plotted, planned and made happen?and after some effort (great or small) it happened and so here you are!

Or was parenthood thrust upon you either through a surprise/unexpected/unplanned pregnancy which when it happened, you stepped forward and so here you are!

But most importantly, what if you COULDN'T (due to infertility issues) to what lengths would you go to become a parent.  When would you stop trying (both physical and financial)? Would you ever stop trying? What would be your limit where you would say- "no, I would never go there!" and accept your state as being a "non-parent" 

by on Mar. 25, 2013 at 7:10 PM
Replies (21-30):
by Gold Member on Mar. 25, 2013 at 7:45 PM

That's the plan. All a child needs is loving parents and good structure, not someone who just wants to get a check.

Quoting Ms.KitKat:

 That';s wonderful! You have made (and will make) a great difference in a child's life!

Quoting Citygirlk:

Yeah. We actually did a big brother big sister thing before the boys were born. We took a 5year old out of foster care a took care of her until her grandmother and aunt could come to the country to take care of her(her mother was on drugs). It was a great experience, and once the boys get a little older we want to adopt at at least 3 kids (siblings). Foster care is not a best way to grow up going from home to home and all, and all most of them do is end up in the system so we want to adopt as many kids as we can afford.

Quoting Ms.KitKat:


Quoting Citygirlk:

No we didn't plan the twins, but if we couldn't have kids it wouldn't bother us that much. But we would most likely adopt. It's something we plan doing anyway, we love kids and I refuse to get fat again lol.

 I'm curious, would you adopt an older, legally free child? 


by Bronze Member on Mar. 25, 2013 at 7:45 PM

I planned it from the time we got back from our honeymoon (we'd already been together for five years, so it was TIME.) It took me 16 months to get pregnant. At first, I just went off The Pill and figured I'd give it a few months. Then, for six months or so, I tried to time it around ovulation (I got a basal thermometer, but remembering to use it in the morning was a problem, so I ended up going by the calendar. After not getting pregnant, I started wondering if the Chicken Pox I'd had at age 30 HAD made me infertile. So, I started visualizing what to do if I never got pregnant. I figured I'd wait a year, then I'd talk to a doctor, and I'd be willing to try fertility drugs, if necessary, but I didn't want to go through IVF or finding a surrogate or anything like that.  I also figured that if we couldn't get pregnant, maybe we'd travel a lot instead. I guess for me, children were in my long-term plans, but I didn't have kids, I just wouldn't have kids, because sometimes plans change, and you need to go with the flow.

by Bronze Member on Mar. 25, 2013 at 7:47 PM

Yes, I have planned to parent since I was a small child.  After three miscarriages and three IUI's, we stopped trying to conceive because I don't personally want to do IVF due to the likelihood of having to deal with excess embryos.  We decided to pursue foster care adoption and have had an 11 y/o for 16 months now.  We plan to finalize in the next couple of months.  It's an extremely arduous process as he had been in care more than half of his life and in 12 previous settings.  Today was probably the single worst day in the 16 months.


by on Mar. 25, 2013 at 7:48 PM

Only one wasn't planned, and while I do accept responsibility for the decision to have him there was a great deal of coercion involved in that pregnancy and a lot of regrets as well.  

While I love my children, I don't necessarily love being a mother and for many years felt that I would be quite satisified if I didn't have any so I'm not sure I would have taken any lengths to have children if I was unable to conceive naturally.     

by on Mar. 25, 2013 at 7:55 PM

 Parenthood was "thrust upon me" through an unplanned pregnancy at 19.  It was a huge change in my life and I was definately scared I wouldn't be a good mom, but I was able to step up to the plate, grow up fast, and become a good parent. 

If I couldn't be a parent, I would think I would have looked at different options and decided the best course of action to take from there.  I would like to think I would stop trying at some point, but I think it's hard to really say when and why without actually being in that situation. 

by on Mar. 25, 2013 at 8:05 PM

We married young...I was 19, hubby was 20.  We decided we would not start a family until we could afford to move out of our apartment, and buy our own home.  Our first daughter came along  when I was 23.  After a very difficult birth (shoulder dystocia), we decided to hold off on more children.  Hubby continued working full time, while returning to get his college degree.  Out of the blue..many years later we decided to try for another baby, it took two months and I  was pregnant.  So...at the age of 33, I gave birth to our second daughter.  Our girls are 10 years and 19 days apart in age.  I wouldn't change a thing.  I am not sure what we would have done if we could not have children.   We probably would have adopted.  My only real dream as I was growing up was to be a mother, and I have been truly blessed.....twice.   

by Ruby Member on Mar. 25, 2013 at 8:10 PM

 We were planned.  We adopted our kids after we were married, financially stable and owned our own home. 

We are at the point now where we are ready to become empty nesters and enjoy our later years with just the two of us in the house again. 

by on Mar. 25, 2013 at 8:12 PM
1 mom liked this
Im a parent because 2 different types of birth control didnt work. If I wasnt a parent I would have a heck of alot more money then I do now. And probably less gray hair. LoL
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by Jenn on Mar. 25, 2013 at 8:12 PM

 I guess I'd keep trying and praying, but I hope it wouldn't rule my life. I have no idea where I would be if I weren't a parent.

Yes, our first and second were planned. I wouldn't say 'planned and plotted' though, lol. More like a spur-of-the-moment decision we made together.

by Milami on Mar. 25, 2013 at 8:13 PM

 It was planned. I can't say what I would have done if our plan did not work. 

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