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Why are you a Parent?and what if you weren't?

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 Did you plan to parent?

Something that you prepared for, plotted, planned and made happen?and after some effort (great or small) it happened and so here you are!

Or was parenthood thrust upon you either through a surprise/unexpected/unplanned pregnancy which when it happened, you stepped forward and so here you are!

But most importantly, what if you COULDN'T (due to infertility issues) to what lengths would you go to become a parent.  When would you stop trying (both physical and financial)? Would you ever stop trying? What would be your limit where you would say- "no, I would never go there!" and accept your state as being a "non-parent" 

by on Mar. 25, 2013 at 7:10 PM
Replies (31-40):
DestinyHLewis
by Destiny on Mar. 25, 2013 at 8:16 PM
1 mom liked this


Honestly I am not sure. What got me through it was my faith. What drives me? I am stubborn for sure. In my heart I knew I wanted a baby of my own more than anything. Part of me thought I was being punished for "past choices" and I wanted to prove that theory wrong in my own mind. I also knew there had to be an absolute medical reason, and I had to find out. I could not accept, " that's just the way it is, sorry we don't know." I remember the day they told me my first daughter was going to make it. I was in shock. I had already prepared myself for the normal, "Sorry, your HCG has disappeared, prepare for the next two weeks" and all of that. It was actually her pregnancy,  along with my history that allowed my Dr. to eventually figure out what my problem was. 

I guess in the end it was a combination of my faith and my general personality. I don't do well when someone says something is impossible. My first instinct is to fight and prove them wrong. 

Quoting Ms.KitKat:

 

Quoting DestinyHLewis:

I went through 11 miscarriages before I had my first daughter who survived, and another in between my first and second. They think my second was a twin. There wasn't anything I wouldn't do to figure out what was wrong with me. Lucky for me, we got stationed in the middle of nowhere MT, and I happened upon a Dr. who figured out what was wrong. It was a genetic disorder that is pretty rare. He was able to save my second dd who was a twin, and allowed me to have my third against all odds. I had to have a hysterectomy after that. My body wouldn't have taken a fourth. I am forever grateful for that man. Love him so much! 

 My goodness, you went through a lot! Can I ask you, what was your driving force? Whereas some couples would have said "that's it! I'm done"- you continued on. Do you know why that is?



mama_l
by Member on Mar. 25, 2013 at 8:17 PM
We were told we "probably" couldn't have any. After trying, more for fun, for 10 years, we said such is life and continued enjoying life. We were content with not having children. Shortly after our childless contentment I became pregnant. Had I known how amazing being a parent was I would never have been ok with not having children.
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luvmyaustin
by Member on Mar. 25, 2013 at 8:19 PM
What i meant by this is it is in my nature to nurture to mother i would feel almost defeated empty to not mother i am really trying to explain lol my husband and i both knew that if we couldn't parent then ultimately life goes on contentment would be hard so that is why we would adopt IUI is within reach IVF isn't adoption would always be the next answer along with IUI im rambling now i am sorry...


Quoting Ms.KitKat:

 


Quoting luvmyaustin:

I always wanted children
yes we prepared for them
I had infertility after our first thus the spacing between the first and second 10 years
If for some reason children were not in the cards for us being infertility unexplained etc. The furthest we would have gone was IUI and adoption i would have never walked my life without children either biological or adoption.

 That's pretty far! Both are quite costly (physically, emotional and financially) ! And neither offers a guarantee!


May I ask, why the urge to "never walk my life without children"?


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turtle68
by Mahinaarangi on Mar. 25, 2013 at 8:24 PM

I became pregnant with my first born because I had an abortion 7mths prior and wanted back what I had given up....I didnt plan it, but I didnt avoid not getting pregnant.

If I couldnt get pregnant....I would whangai (family informal adoption) adopt or foster.  Blood means little to me.  I wouldnt try fertility past the drugs...if hubby was hellbent on having his bloodline as part of the deal with kids...we would divorce, I wouldnt want to be with someone who though his genes needed to be in this world.

AdrianneHill
by Platinum Member on Mar. 25, 2013 at 9:18 PM
I have never really liked kids and planned on not having any. My husband had three from his first marriage and that was all he wanted. Less than ten days before the wedding that we had been planning for a year, I found out I was pregnant. I figured that at thirty six, I was probably too old to say that I was too young to have kids which had been my pat answer to the hundreds of nosy people who started asking me about my lack of kids starting at age nineteen.
So I guess we can blame it on failed birth control and a bit of kismet. Dh only wanted two kids total and now he has four. So to stop the count right there, on the day of my six week check up, I took my husband to get a vasectomy. He said that he will divorce me and disappear if I get pregnant again, even if the baby is his so let's hope the vasectomy sticks. He's a better parent than I am hands down though and is much more patient and nurturing.
If we hadn't gotten pregnant with Darwin, I'm sure our lives would be a lot easier
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LIMom1105
by Bronze Member on Mar. 25, 2013 at 11:16 PM

We planned, and tried for quite awhile. Before I got pregnant, we began soe basic testing, but I never wanted to do IVF (no judgement, just noe fr me). I had started to gather adoption agency info when I got pregnant, so that was my next step, so likely we would have been parents, just not biological.

NWP
by guerrilla girl on Mar. 25, 2013 at 11:32 PM

I was 36 when we got pregnant w dd#1. DH and I had been together 15 years. I called up all my friends and told them that DH had knocked me up. Lol.

Quoting AdrianneHill:

I have never really liked kids and planned on not having any. My husband had three from his first marriage and that was all he wanted. Less than ten days before the wedding that we had been planning for a year, I found out I was pregnant. I figured that at thirty six, I was probably too old to say that I was too young to have kids which had been my pat answer to the hundreds of nosy people who started asking me about my lack of kids starting at age nineteen.
So I guess we can blame it on failed birth control and a bit of kismet. Dh only wanted two kids total and now he has four. So to stop the count right there, on the day of my six week check up, I took my husband to get a vasectomy. He said that he will divorce me and disappear if I get pregnant again, even if the baby is his so let's hope the vasectomy sticks. He's a better parent than I am hands down though and is much more patient and nurturing.
If we hadn't gotten pregnant with Darwin, I'm sure our lives would be a lot easier


Neon Washable Paint

OneToughMami
by on Mar. 25, 2013 at 11:36 PM

No I really wasn't planning to get pregnant the first time I had sex. I am pretty sure the next dumb 16 year old who says she can't get pregnant the first time I will be screaming "NO STOP BEING SO FUCKING DUMB! DUDE SERIOUSLY!" because what a shocker to me! Sex Ed in the inner city schools isn't up to par.

Elyssa414
by Member on Mar. 25, 2013 at 11:41 PM
I became a mom when me and my (now) husband moved in together. He was a single father to a 6 month old baby boy, and I fell madly in love with both of them! I adopted my son, had one accidental pregnancy and one planned pregnancy and now have a foster son as well- so 4 boys in all. Mostly accidental and happenstance... :)

If I were infertile, I would still have my oldest, and we would have fostered much sooner.
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NWP
by guerrilla girl on Mar. 25, 2013 at 11:47 PM

I was well aware of the fact from school classes and all those after school specials on tv in the 1970s combined with the birth video they showed in my science class (yuck,! afterbirth and blood coming out a vagina!) and i was a Small town southern girl. It didn't get bad until dumb ass schools started opting for abstinence only Ed...then the teen pregnancy rates went up.

Quoting OneToughMami:

No I really wasn't planning to get pregnant the first time I had sex. I am pretty sure the next dumb 16 year old who says she can't get pregnant the first time I will be screaming "NO STOP BEING SO FUCKING DUMB! DUDE SERIOUSLY!" because what a shocker to me! Sex Ed in the inner city schools isn't up to par.


Neon Washable Paint

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