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Why are you a Parent?and what if you weren't?

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 Did you plan to parent?

Something that you prepared for, plotted, planned and made happen?and after some effort (great or small) it happened and so here you are!

Or was parenthood thrust upon you either through a surprise/unexpected/unplanned pregnancy which when it happened, you stepped forward and so here you are!

But most importantly, what if you COULDN'T (due to infertility issues) to what lengths would you go to become a parent.  When would you stop trying (both physical and financial)? Would you ever stop trying? What would be your limit where you would say- "no, I would never go there!" and accept your state as being a "non-parent" 

by on Mar. 25, 2013 at 7:10 PM
Replies (41-50):
OneToughMami
by on Mar. 25, 2013 at 11:54 PM

Our sex ed consisted of 2 45 minute class periods...one to go over the chapter and one to take the chapter quiz.

Quoting NWP:

I was well aware of the fact from school classes and all those after school specials on tv in the 1970s combined with the birth video they showed in my science class (yuck,! afterbirth and blood coming out a vagina!) and i was a Small town southern girl. It didn't get bad until dumb ass schools started opting for abstinence only Ed...then the teen pregnancy rates went up.

Quoting OneToughMami:

No I really wasn't planning to get pregnant the first time I had sex. I am pretty sure the next dumb 16 year old who says she can't get pregnant the first time I will be screaming "NO STOP BEING SO FUCKING DUMB! DUDE SERIOUSLY!" because what a shocker to me! Sex Ed in the inner city schools isn't up to par.



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terpmama
by Silver Member on Mar. 25, 2013 at 11:57 PM

We planned and executed twice so far... Working on number three after an early miscarriage/blighted ovum.


we would probably work our way through insurance for fertility treatments and when that ran out look into domestic adoption. 

NWP
by guerrilla girl on Mar. 25, 2013 at 11:57 PM

Public school in rural Arkansas here...and ours was much more intense. We even did the whole condom on the banana thing...but it was during the aids epidemic and there seemed to be a real gravity to the reality of comprehensive sex Ed back then. 

Quoting OneToughMami:

Our sex ed consisted of 2 45 minute class periods...one to go over the chapter and one to take the chapter quiz.

Quoting NWP:

I was well aware of the fact from school classes and all those after school specials on tv in the 1970s combined with the birth video they showed in my science class (yuck,! afterbirth and blood coming out a vagina!) and i was a Small town southern girl. It didn't get bad until dumb ass schools started opting for abstinence only Ed...then the teen pregnancy rates went up.

Quoting OneToughMami:

No I really wasn't planning to get pregnant the first time I had sex. I am pretty sure the next dumb 16 year old who says she can't get pregnant the first time I will be screaming "NO STOP BEING SO FUCKING DUMB! DUDE SERIOUSLY!" because what a shocker to me! Sex Ed in the inner city schools isn't up to par.




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OneToughMami
by on Mar. 26, 2013 at 12:04 AM
I think they just assumed that most of us already had a kid.
Quoting NWP:

Public school in rural Arkansas here...and ours was much more intense. We even did the whole condom on the banana thing...but it was during the aids epidemic and there seemed to be a real gravity to the reality of comprehensive sex Ed back then. 

Quoting OneToughMami:

Our sex ed consisted of 2 45 minute class periods...one to go over the chapter and one to take the chapter quiz.

Quoting NWP:

I was well aware of the fact from school classes and all those after school specials on tv in the 1970s combined with the birth video they showed in my science class (yuck,! afterbirth and blood coming out a vagina!) and i was a Small town southern girl. It didn't get bad until dumb ass schools started opting for abstinence only Ed...then the teen pregnancy rates went up.

Quoting OneToughMami:

No I really wasn't planning to get pregnant the first time I had sex. I am pretty sure the next dumb 16 year old who says she can't get pregnant the first time I will be screaming "NO STOP BEING SO FUCKING DUMB! DUDE SERIOUSLY!" because what a shocker to me! Sex Ed in the inner city schools isn't up to par.




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Jessica518
by Member on Mar. 26, 2013 at 12:05 AM
I would have traveled never left tha u.s before.
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TranquilMind
by Platinum Member on Mar. 26, 2013 at 1:01 AM

Yes, I did, but I was in my 30's. 

If not, we would have adopted someone, I'm sure.  I would not have undergone any sort of fertility drugs or anything  Drugs and I don't get along, and 'I'm not willing to mess with my hormones. 

LindaClement
by Thatwoman on Mar. 26, 2013 at 2:34 AM

I always knew I'd be a mom... to the point where when dh said he wasn't going to have any kids, I handed him back his engagement ring. I was 16. I really always knew.

I actually don't know what I'd have done if it didn't 'just happen.' I knew it would. It did. End of speculation, really...

I am reasonably certain I would never adopt (known too many of that wreckage) and I doubt very much I'd have done any kind of invasive fertility treatment: I'm not that kind of person...

AdrianneHill
by Platinum Member on Mar. 26, 2013 at 6:57 AM
Lol

Quoting OneToughMami:


I think they just assumed that most of us already had a kid.



Quoting NWP:

Public school in rural Arkansas here...and ours was much more intense. We even did the whole condom on the banana thing...but it was during the aids epidemic and there seemed to be a real gravity to the reality of comprehensive sex Ed back then. 

Quoting OneToughMami:

Our sex ed consisted of 2 45 minute class periods...one to go over the chapter and one to take the chapter quiz.

Quoting NWP:

I was well aware of the fact from school classes and all those after school specials on tv in the 1970s combined with the birth video they showed in my science class (yuck,! afterbirth and blood coming out a vagina!) and i was a Small town southern girl. It didn't get bad until dumb ass schools started opting for abstinence only Ed...then the teen pregnancy rates went up.

Quoting OneToughMami:

No I really wasn't planning to get pregnant the first time I had sex. I am pretty sure the next dumb 16 year old who says she can't get pregnant the first time I will be screaming "NO STOP BEING SO FUCKING DUMB! DUDE SERIOUSLY!" because what a shocker to me! Sex Ed in the inner city schools isn't up to par.




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AdrianneHill
by Platinum Member on Mar. 26, 2013 at 7:06 AM
That's about what happened but we hadn't been together that long. We'd been dating five or six years when we decided to get married and decided we didn't want kids.
Dh was one of several people very surprised and somewhat disappointed that I didn't have an abortion. I guess it's what I get for hanging out with people so vehemently pro life; they couldn't believe that someone like me want going to get rod of it immediately. I had to remind them that it was about choice, which means that I don't HAVE to abort every baby I see. I also told dh it was his own fault. If he wasn't such a decent guy and truly good father, I wouldn't have had the baby but this would likely be my only chance and I felt the need to take it. I had been told at fifteen that while not infertile, I would likely not get pregnant without a lot of work and money do I just put kids out of my head. I was on birth control to normalize my periods more than for protection and boy was I surprised.


Quoting NWP:

I was 36 when we got pregnant w dd#1. DH and I had been together 15 years. I called up all my friends and told them that DH had knocked me up. Lol.

Quoting AdrianneHill:

I have never really liked kids and planned on not having any. My husband had three from his first marriage and that was all he wanted. Less than ten days before the wedding that we had been planning for a year, I found out I was pregnant. I figured that at thirty six, I was probably too old to say that I was too young to have kids which had been my pat answer to the hundreds of nosy people who started asking me about my lack of kids starting at age nineteen.

So I guess we can blame it on failed birth control and a bit of kismet. Dh only wanted two kids total and now he has four. So to stop the count right there, on the day of my six week check up, I took my husband to get a vasectomy. He said that he will divorce me and disappear if I get pregnant again, even if the baby is his so let's hope the vasectomy sticks. He's a better parent than I am hands down though and is much more patient and nurturing.

If we hadn't gotten pregnant with Darwin, I'm sure our lives would be a lot easier


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GoddessNDaRuff
by Silver Member on Mar. 26, 2013 at 7:33 AM
I call my first a planned accident. I was 18 when Inhad him but hadn't planned on ttc him until his dad was out of training and we'd settled back in together. So basically he was over a year early.
I always wanted a child and because of medical history of women in my family having medically needed hysterectomies in their mid to late 20s I knew I had to have them young (though recently that has been called into question because some family secrets came out). 22 was an ideal age to start for me but 20 would have been good considering I was eventually married at 18.
If I couldn't have kids I would have likely finished college became a midwife, travelled to third world countries delivering babies, travelled for pleasure, until I was ready to start a family then adopted out of the foster care system. As cool as IVF sounds I would not want to undergo the process at all nor would I want to hire a surrogate.
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