This is what I wrote concerning the topic. Tell me what you think about the topic.
excerpted from The Awakening: Praying for God's Revival in America
by Wenjue Hu
for such a time as this.
- How to overcome sexual addictions
Sexual addiction is an addiction that fills people’s emotional need for companionship. Their loneliness is taken away, and they are comforted by sex, so they continue in this addiction. Homosexuality, prostitution, premarital sex, and extramarital affairs are all examples of this addiction. If you have a committed and healthy marriage, then this is one easy way to overcome sexual addiction. You will be able to receive all fulfillment and companionship from sex within marriage instead. However, some people continue in sexual addiction even after marriage. The reason may be lack of commitment or relational discord within marriage, or pornography, and homosexuality. Counseling may help, but there may be need for a lot of healing in the individual’s life. Pornography should be given up completely. Although the mind may play games for you to encourage you in continuing pornography, that it helps you to be sexually knowledgeable and better in bed, but in actuality it only makes you more mechanical and a pervert. If you need to see naked images for medical related reason such as learning about labor and delivery during pregnancy, you should distinguish it from pornography which is for pleasure. For instance, you do not need to see breast augmentation if you are a man or if you do not have breast illnesses. However, for medical reasons, usually you would only need to see it very rarely, while people who are addicted to pornography spend tons of time in this.
After you throw away all porn from your life, and give up any from the internet and TV, you need to pray over this and renounce your past, and replace this with hobbies. For homosexuality and other sexual promiscuity, you should give up all of those relationships completely. You should cut off any contact by email and phone, and possibly even move.
If you are married, you should avoid starting new relationships by becoming emotionally involved. Tell your problems to your wife or accountability partner or group instead. Journal and read books and make use of the spiritual disciplines that I outlined in How to Overcome and Prevent Depression. Whenever you experience the need for sexual promiscuity, you can take comfort in your marriage instead.
Today in America, incest also exists, and is not against the law in some states. Although we tend to think of this horrendous sin as a missions field problem, but this is another one of the sexual sins that exists in America. Incest is loathed by God, and in the Bible is the cause of evil nations (Gen. 19:36-38). Medically there are consequences of double copies of genetic mutations surfacing in the offspring. Even if medically the offsprings are normal, but psychologically there are great issues that they will face. For instance, the serial killer Ted Bundy does not have a known father on paper and is likely from incest.
If the homosexual marriage laws are passed by the US government on March 27 of 2013, what will prevent other sexual immoralities such as incest and polygamy to follow as well. One argument for the proponents of homosexual marriage laws is stability and health. There is a lowering of the rate of HIV for homosexuals in homosexual marriage versus those who are not. However the problem with this argument is that the homosexual marriage law increases the overall rate of homosexuality, because the public view of homosexuality becomes acceptable. If the overall rate of homosexuality increases in America, the HIV rate will increase as well because HIV is much more prevalent in the homosexual population. Another thought is that perhaps by allowing homosexuality, then other sexual immoralities may decrease. However, this is an invalid argument, and favoring one sin over another does not make it not sinful. We must not play foolish mind games. We must not allow the homosexual marriage law to pass because we do not want our nation to become a homosexual nation, like Sodom and Gomorrah (Gen. 18-19). We must not allow the homosexual marriage law to pass because we do not want our next generation to become homosexual. Homosexuality is clearly sinful according to the Bible even in the New Testament (Rom. 1:26-27; 1 Cor. 6:9-11).
For all of these reasons, we cannot allow the government to pass the homosexual marriage laws. One of the reasons incest is still at a low rate in the US compared to homosexuality is that homosexuality has become acceptable and more so allowed by the laws, while everybody pretty much still thinks incest is wrong. For these reasons incest is not a great problem in the US, but it could become worse if we continue to ignore it or pass laws that condone sexual immoralities and worse. Individually if there are tendencies for incest, then you should again take comfort in your marriage instead, and do not be in situations where incest could potentially occur. For instance, if possible each child should have their own room, and if relatives visit they should sleep in the guestroom. If space is a problem, then you can make arrangements for each person or couple to have their individual bed, and have a chaperoned environment. It is best for women and men to have separate quarters, but in the atmosphere of the rise in homosexuality, even if women and men are separated, all activities must be chaperoned.
Further on, if you are using sexual promiscuity for personal gain, such as climbing up the ladder in the work place, or obtaining money, or feel like it makes you look good, then you need to seek God’s face and His humility in your life. So sorry if the society has become immoral, but can you remain moral nonetheless? Daniel was able to refuse to follow the king’s injunction, and continued to pray to God towards Jerusalem three times a day (Daniel 6).
Are you willing to live for Jesus similarly today? Living with Christian character, you will still have a competitive edge in the marketplace. For instance, Chick-fil-A is a popular US fast food restaurant chain. The owner is Christian who practices Christian values in his business, such as observing the Sabbath by having Sundays off. When you are set free completely over time, you will see that you will do much better at work with integrity, and look much better as a Godly family man that your relatives may come to Christ as a result. You should find legitimate ways to earn money instead, and be honored.
For people who are single, there is not the protective hedge of the healthy marriage to guard you in sexual morality. However, it should be all possible to remain pure as a single person. The family upbringing and values are helpful, as well as the church. I did this as a single person, and quenched any lustful thoughts from my mind, to the point that I averted sex and saw it as impure. If you are remaining single this is fine, and God will guard you from sexual promiscuity and homosexuality. For instance, some people have reported the late Christian writer and priest Henri Nouwen to be homosexual, however he never made any homosexual practices. Most importantly, you should be moral in your actions, and also you can make your thought life pure as well. If singlehood is not for you, and you burn with passion, then you should get married.
If you are single and dating, then this is also a great time of temptation today. The dating atmosphere in the US today is not good. Tons of effort and time are wasted in dating without result. Although internet matching is growing and providing some help, but overall the dating scene today is for fun and full of temptations. Immigrants really like it here in America when they do not have to endure the sufferings of arranged marriages, but then they aimlessly wander amidst a sea of sexual immorality instead. The book by Joshua Harris called I Kissed Dating Goodbye, as well as some others tell a different story from God’s perspective, that we need to stay pure before marriage. Instead of dating there should be courtship instead, and there should not be any physical intimacy. This includes no kissing. Today others in the Christian community preach a different message of different levels of physical intimacy allowed before marriage, particularly after engagement, including heavy patting. However, this is setting yourself up for trouble and increasing the likelihood of premarital sex.
Additionally it is pointless to date many people before deciding on the right one. You do not need to date somebody in the first place if they are not Christian and moral, or do not have the same dreams and visions, or other background and personality traits that you are looking for. Also in the end marriage is more about commitment so regardless of who you end up marrying you will need to commit to make the marriage work. Courtship is great to help you get to know the potential spouse, but the fewer persons you date, the purer you will remain. The Biblical pictures of courtship have usually been a short dating between two persons and marrying (Gen. 24; Ruth 2-4; Matt. 1:18-25). For Jacob although his dating period was much longer, but it was because of trickery by the father-in-law Laban (Gen. 29:20, 27). Some people today date many years before they marry, but this is not healthy and there are more chances of sexual immoralities to occur. You should really get to know the potential mate in group settings even before you date, and when you do court each other later you do not need to date for longer than a year. That will be more than enough time for you to get to know each other. If the person is not a good candidate for marriage to begin with, then you should not date that person. Some people spend years in dating because they are not mature enough for marriage yet. However in this case, they should not date and allow each other to grow in Christ instead. You can still be friends and help the other person to grow in Christ in a group setting or from a distance.
These are all reasons that internet matchmaking should grow to better match candidates for marriages that God designed for us. The best ways of the past, that parents and older folks of the church serve in matchmaking should also revive as well. They do not need to force people to marry the person that they date. But if they can help the younger people to find the right partner without sinful relations then we will be greatly reduced of our sexual immorality woes, and subsequently divorce. If every church in America could have a matchmaking ministry that provides compatible mates for life with courtship averages of one or two persons before marriage, then our nation will be completely changed with the return of sexual morality and life-time marriage.