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So I'm bored sitting in my doc's waiting room. There is a conversation going on: this woman hasn't seen her grandson since January, and some of the other patients are aghast. They're saying that grandparents should have the same rights as parents, and encouraging her to sue for her rights. This is Kentucky, I'm not even sure that's possible here.

Thoughts on the rights of parents versus grandparents?
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by on Apr. 1, 2013 at 12:20 PM
Replies (21-30):
acrogodess
by Silver Member on Apr. 1, 2013 at 12:44 PM
Sure, my pleasure. I think grandparents should have rights to a certain extent. Children with an active extended family do very well. However if the kids are being used as pawns to punish the grandparents or for the grandparents to punish their children then the court should decide in the best interest of the child the same way they would for a mother and father who were attempting to alienate the child from the noncustodial parent, know what I mean?
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MsRkg
by Member on Apr. 1, 2013 at 12:44 PM
1 mom liked this

It's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. My MIL tried to pull this with us when we stopped allowing her to see our son. My Hubby and BIL (who is a lawyer) dared her to do such a thing and told her not only would she lose the case, she would regret it severely for the rest of her life.The only people who should decide who their child interacts with is the parents only! There is nothing else to it. NYC has grandparents right, but they very rarely come into play with legal standing.

FIREFOX1336
by on Apr. 1, 2013 at 12:45 PM
1 mom liked this
Not at all, when everything came to a head with the in laws, dh was deployed. I flat out told them of my kids and I kept getting treated like shit they wouldn't see any of us. They tried arguing that wasn't fair and they have a right to see the kids. I flat out told them over my dead body, they will never be alone with my children. And of they think they have rights to my children they can go ahead and waste money taking me to court, they won't win and they definitely wouldn't be in our lives after that.
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parentalrights1
by on Apr. 1, 2013 at 12:46 PM
Lol yeah I think it's case by case.

Like my sister in laws ex husband is in jail for raping five children as well as the three they had together.

His parents are trying to get custody. This man is so inbred and disgusting it HAD to have something to do wih his upbringing.

But sometimes kids turn out bad or unfit to parent and the grandparents aren't so bad. Like my sis in law is shit and sucks at life but dh is the complete opposite. His parents really aren't so bad


Quoting kailu1835:

I agree with you 90%. The part I disagree with is where you said that if the parents are unfit, then grandparents should get the rights to the kid. I disagree because the grandparents are the ones who raised the shitty parents... why should they get a second chance? Case in point, my friend's neighbor had custody of their grandchild, because mom (their daughter) was a druggie. As were ALL of her 4 siblings. Same deal with the other side... all of dad's siblings were druggies also. The grandparents raised those kids and they all turned out the same way. Yet they thought they could do better with the grandkid? Yeah, I find that to be completely illogical.
Quoting parentalrights1:

Parents should have the right to limit contact with whomever they deem unfit to be around their children. It's their realonsibility.



We don't get to choose our parents. We shouldn't have to worry that when we choose to have a family that some relative related by accident of birth will have some right to our kids.



If they have rights how do we accomplish getting them to obey our rules? Can't just end a visit or avoid grandmas house for a while if she has rights. They can ignore our rules regarding food and just give kids stuff behind our backs.



Do we have to ask permission to move if grandparents have rights? What if each set lives in a different state? Whose responsibility is it to make visitation happen as far as driving to the kids or driving the kids to the grandparents?



Are we going to make grandparents pay child support?



People are so damn unicorny with this crap. It's gotten ridiculous. People think you are ridiculous for expecting granparents to have a shred of respect for your parenting decisions and rules. People are also scared that they might not have rights to their own future grandkids.



Perfectly fit parents with all the emotional investment in the children should have the day. Not the courts.



There are very few exceptions where I think grandparents should have rights (unfit parents being one) and if the grandparents aren't legally unfit it should still be up to the parents unless the child has an established relationship wih them (like the child has seen them every weekend for 5 years and it would traumatized them to lose the relationship.




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kailu1835
by Ruby Member on Apr. 1, 2013 at 12:48 PM
This was the case when I was little. My grandmother came to visit and started trying to drive a wedge between me and my parents. She told me how to call her collect, and hid the number in my hide-a-bear. My parents found it, and she was immediately out. I didn't get to hear from or see her for over 5 years. She told the rest of the family that I was being used as a pawn against her. As history, she tried to get custody of my uncle's kids in a very sneaky way, so this was not the first time she'd been cut out by one of her kids. That uncle refused to go to her funeral, that's how badly she treated him.
Quoting parentalrights1:

Whenever family is cut out, the parents are ALWAYS accused and believed to be using them as a pawn.

The offending family members never see any faults with themselves.

There are exceptions sure, but usually the grandparents and family members just couldn't comply with certain boundaries and the parents had enough


Quoting furbabymum:

 There are people out there who use their children like pawns in a chess game. My sister is one of them. I think stable grandparents should fight for the right to see their grandkids for the kids benefit. These kids need to know that they are loved and that someone is there when they need them.


babiesbabybaby development

parentalrights1
by on Apr. 1, 2013 at 12:49 PM
How do we determine when a parent is just being an ass and web the grandparents are just butthurt and see no fault with their actions? You'll often see them glossing over their faults and trying to make the parents the bad guys and they will have family members biased and backing them up.

Like all those inlaw problems people talk about alot. Whole families will be shitty to one or both parents


Quoting acrogodess:

Sure, my pleasure. I think grandparents should have rights to a certain extent. Children with an active extended family do very well. However if the kids are being used as pawns to punish the grandparents or for the grandparents to punish their children then the court should decide in the best interest of the child the same way they would for a mother and father who were attempting to alienate the child from the noncustodial parent, know what I mean?

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lizmarie1975
by Gold Member on Apr. 1, 2013 at 12:50 PM
1 mom liked this
My children have no contact with my mother. She made it plainly clear that the only child of mine that she preferred was the one fathered out of wedlock by a man who chose to disappear after I gave birth because my now husband is black and my children by him are not fully white.
She is allowed no communication with the oldest and the situation has been explained to him that due to his grandmother's bigoted views their relationship has been terminated.
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fireangel5
by Gold Member on Apr. 1, 2013 at 12:51 PM

I think parents should decide who can be around their children. Why take away a parent's rights? SMH


Quoting mamaslove4ever:

In nebraska grandparents can sue and win the majority of the time. Same with Illinois



kailu1835
by Ruby Member on Apr. 1, 2013 at 12:51 PM
Very true, it does need to be case by case. I just think that it's absurd when the grandparents obviously have a crappy track record with raising kids that the courts would even consider them as a possibility. If just one kid turns out wrong, well it can be written off as a fluke. But when all 5 kids turn out exactly the same? Yeah... no.
Quoting parentalrights1:

Lol yeah I think it's case by case.

Like my sister in laws ex husband is in jail for raping five children as well as the three they had together.

His parents are trying to get custody. This man is so inbred and disgusting it HAD to have something to do wih his upbringing.

But sometimes kids turn out bad or unfit to parent and the grandparents aren't so bad. Like my sis in law is shit and sucks at life but dh is the complete opposite. His parents really aren't so bad


Quoting kailu1835:

I agree with you 90%. The part I disagree with is where you said that if the parents are unfit, then grandparents should get the rights to the kid. I disagree because the grandparents are the ones who raised the shitty parents... why should they get a second chance? Case in point, my friend's neighbor had custody of their grandchild, because mom (their daughter) was a druggie. As were ALL of her 4 siblings. Same deal with the other side... all of dad's siblings were druggies also. The grandparents raised those kids and they all turned out the same way. Yet they thought they could do better with the grandkid? Yeah, I find that to be completely illogical.
Quoting parentalrights1:

Parents should have the right to limit contact with whomever they deem unfit to be around their children. It's their realonsibility.



We don't get to choose our parents. We shouldn't have to worry that when we choose to have a family that some relative related by accident of birth will have some right to our kids.



If they have rights how do we accomplish getting them to obey our rules? Can't just end a visit or avoid grandmas house for a while if she has rights. They can ignore our rules regarding food and just give kids stuff behind our backs.



Do we have to ask permission to move if grandparents have rights? What if each set lives in a different state? Whose responsibility is it to make visitation happen as far as driving to the kids or driving the kids to the grandparents?



Are we going to make grandparents pay child support?



People are so damn unicorny with this crap. It's gotten ridiculous. People think you are ridiculous for expecting granparents to have a shred of respect for your parenting decisions and rules. People are also scared that they might not have rights to their own future grandkids.



Perfectly fit parents with all the emotional investment in the children should have the day. Not the courts.



There are very few exceptions where I think grandparents should have rights (unfit parents being one) and if the grandparents aren't legally unfit it should still be up to the parents unless the child has an established relationship wih them (like the child has seen them every weekend for 5 years and it would traumatized them to lose the relationship.




babiesbabybaby development

trachmom312
by Member on Apr. 1, 2013 at 12:51 PM
1 mom liked this

In cases like my father in law I believe he should file for visitation of his Grandkids. My brother in law and his girlfriend broke up and now his ex won't let anyone in his family see the kids. My fil and my niece and nephew are really close. He is also an amazing Papa. But now cause she is pissed at my bil she is holding the kids hostage. 

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